OMG… We’re In A Horror Movie
This is one of those really bad movies that kind of feels like a group of friends got together and made a movie, but in this case, every single one…
Subfolders
Latest "Movie Reviews" files
The Radleys
Pretty decent English modern-vampire-movie-played-almost-as-drama a lá "The Hamiltons". This was pretty decent though. Modern English vampire family deals with internal politics and trying to survive without being found out in…
Alone With You
An indie, hipster version of "1408". Woman trapped alone in her Brooklyn apartment has a bunch of surreal, random "scary" things happen to her, and it's all supposed to mean…
Sorry I Killed You
This movie is pretty sophomoric. Dick jokes (including a huge rubber dildo that appears more than once), insecurity about males being mistaken for being gay, and every imaginable prank that…
Ankle Biters (2021)
I can't believe it. Somebody actually made a "horror comedy" that works watchably well as both. I have never seen a film that is so charming and so grisly at…
The Beyond (2017)
Sort of bombastic, portentious sci-fi wannabe-"epic" pseudodocumentary about humans exploring a wormhole and having their brains transplanted into artificial bodies and finding new solar systems and such. Moderately ok, I…
Beyond the Sky
Surprisingly ok sci-fi special effects thriller, after a slow and cliched start. Filmmaker out to debunk UFO abductions gets more than he expected in the American southwest, but it winds…
Bored Games
Quirky, kind of fun English film about three couples living in a backyard bunker after the apocalypse when things get crazy. It was billed as a "horror comedy", which typically…
Misery
This film is pretty good. A lot of Stephen King adaptations are terrible, even ones of good books, but this one about a writer being held captive by a psychotic…
Neighbors (1981)
Tough call here. I have a hard time viewing this movie objectively due to the affection I feel for having seen it in the theaters as a kid. It's not…
Misfit
An obese high school girl who is mercilessly picked on is taken in by a serial killer, shown the ropes, and coached to torture her tormentors. I throw around the…
The Domestic
Decent enough African supernatural thriller about a couple who hire the daughter of their deceased housekeeper who makes weird traditional foods and practices whatever the old tribal religion is, and…
Death On Scenic Drive
Serious swing and a miss here. Beautiful cinematography, and a nice analog synth soundtrack—overall reminischent of "Beyond The Black Rainbow" in those ways, including with lots of saturated lighting ond…
Swallowed
Odd movie starts like a horror flick and becomes a neo-noir crime thriller with minor horror elements. Gay couple agree to ferry drugs by swallowing them wrapped in condoms to…
Octogames
Absolutely execrable zero-budget home movie ripoff of "Squid Games". A YouTuber decides he wants to give away his channel, so, he has a competition where people play childrens games to…
The Battery
Hmmmm. HMMMMMMM. Hmmmm. Here we have a seriously flawed gem. This is a "slice of life" zombie movie. Two ex-ballplayers wander around New England trying to survive after a zombie…
Aquaslash
I knew going into this it was going to be bad—as if a horror movie about someone putting razor blades in a waterslide at an amusement park could be anything…
No Solicitors (aka “No Visitors”)
Eric Roberts leads the cast of this Felissa Rose-produced outing, which should be enough to tell you everything. A family of cannibals traps door-to-door salesmen in their basements, harvests their…
Get Gone
It's a tale as old as time: a rural family is being ordered off their land by the government and aren't taking kindly to it, and they're all pale mutants…
Blood River
This southern gothic attempted tale of vampires in a small town is sub-USA-Up-All-Nite level amateur hogwash, the kind of thing you figure someone threw together with a home movie camera…
Devil’s Domain
This is insultingly bad. It's stupid and broad enough that it seems for all the world like a children's movie, with rubber costume demons, the thinnest possible plot, paper-thin overplayed…
All Girls Weekend
This is a bad movie. Let's get that out of the way. First off, this film commits one of my least favorite filmmaking sins: spends half its time on just…
Torture Chamber
I think I might be the only person who thinks this is a good movie. This very Giallo-esque outing is about a severely scarred, burned kid with psychic powers who…
Salvage (2009)
The army descends on a cul-de-sac in suburban England and warns everybody to stay indoors for what initially seems to be a terrorist attack but turns out to be something…
Exeter (2015)
Slightly above-average "teen scream" flick that I just can't tell if it's supposed to be funny or it's just that over the top. They get into the action quickly as…
Death Trip (2021)
Among the worst of the worst and apparently the glaring exception that proves the rule about Canadian horror movies. Four friends go on a trip to a cabin where, for…
They Come Knocking
Cabin in the woods. Teenagers. Not particularly scary normal guy in clown makeup trying to talk in a gruff voice. The most perfunctory, paint-by-numbers pursuit/captivity flick ever.
The Final
This bears a disclaimer. If I categorize a film as "je nais se quois", that doesn't necessarily constitute a recommendation that it should be watched. In this case, I absolutely…
Isolation (2005)
Irish monster movie about people trapped on a farm with the monstrous results of a genetic experiment to make cows breed grow. Takes a while to get going but actually…
6 Souls
Julianne Moore in the sort of supernatural/horror thriller that Julianne Moore occasionally stars in, about a "split personality" case that seems to be manifesting the personalities of dead people. If…