Get Gone
It's a tale as old as time: a rural family is being ordered off their land by the government and aren't taking kindly to it, and they're all pale mutants…
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Latest "Movie Reviews" files
Blood River
This southern gothic attempted tale of vampires in a small town is sub-USA-Up-All-Nite level amateur hogwash, the kind of thing you figure someone threw together with a home movie camera…
Devil’s Domain
This is insultingly bad. It's stupid and broad enough that it seems for all the world like a children's movie, with rubber costume demons, the thinnest possible plot, paper-thin overplayed…
All Girls Weekend
This is a bad movie. Let's get that out of the way. First off, this film commits one of my least favorite filmmaking sins: spends half its time on just…
Torture Chamber
I think I might be the only person who thinks this is a good movie. This very Giallo-esque outing is about a severely scarred, burned kid with psychic powers who…
Salvage (2009)
The army descends on a cul-de-sac in suburban England and warns everybody to stay indoors for what initially seems to be a terrorist attack but turns out to be something…
Exeter (2015)
Slightly above-average "teen scream" flick that I just can't tell if it's supposed to be funny or it's just that over the top. They get into the action quickly as…
Death Trip (2021)
Among the worst of the worst and apparently the glaring exception that proves the rule about Canadian horror movies. Four friends go on a trip to a cabin where, for…
They Come Knocking
Cabin in the woods. Teenagers. Not particularly scary normal guy in clown makeup trying to talk in a gruff voice. The most perfunctory, paint-by-numbers pursuit/captivity flick ever.
The Final
This bears a disclaimer. If I categorize a film as "je nais se quois", that doesn't necessarily constitute a recommendation that it should be watched. In this case, I absolutely…
Isolation (2005)
Irish monster movie about people trapped on a farm with the monstrous results of a genetic experiment to make cows breed grow. Takes a while to get going but actually…
6 Souls
Julianne Moore in the sort of supernatural/horror thriller that Julianne Moore occasionally stars in, about a "split personality" case that seems to be manifesting the personalities of dead people. If…
The Forest Hills
Dreadful indie horror had potential but it's too much of an incoherent mess and worships too much at the altar of bad '80s "Sleepaway Camp"-caliber horror. A man returns to…
Insanitarium
A mad doctor's experiments cause an outbreak of of cannibalism at an insane asylum. It does take a very long while to get going, but once it does, how appealing…
Maya
A bunch of people wandering in the woods have hallucinatory episodes surrounding a strange untalented actress they encounter out there. Seems like someone shot this on home video with a…
Black Daruma
This piece of video—I have a hard time calling it a movie—lowers the low-effort first person shooter "found footage" conceit to a lower depth than I've seen before, by not…
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Pretty charming action comedy buddy picture starring Nic Cage as a not-entirely-flattering version of himself, sucked into working for the CIA while staying as the houseguest of a rich guy…
Scarred
Worst of the worst. This appears to be a porn movie, except, despite all the talk about boobs, and women walking around with hyperinflated boobs, and women squishing their boobs,…
Meet The Blacks
A pretty amusing entry in the "Purge" movies. A Black family moves to Beverly Hills on purge night, unaware that the father who seems to have struck it rich has…
Sweatshop
Like Charles Bukoswki made a horror movie. A bunch of punk rockers break into a warehouse or something to throw an underground rave. And have all kinds of sleazy sex…
Live Feed
"Hostel", but set in a sleazy sex club in China. And with more guns and gangsters. And a shitty rave soundtrack. And somebody thought this was a good idea.
Chemical Peel
Tensions escalate (to say the least) among group of women gathered at a remote cabin for a bachelorette party when a nearby train accident releases a cloud of caustic chemicals…
Bleed (2016)
Lousy. Gorgeous couples move out to the country, decide to go ghost hunting at what's supposed to be a burned out prison but looks nothing like a prison, locals are…
The Butcher
Tediously unoriginal and predictable captivity/pursuit flick: kids on a road trip, flat tire, remote farmhouse, psycho local family, you know the drill. Why would anybody bother to make this movie…
Beware
Boy, if I was only going to watch one slasher flick in my life—and one is probably about my lifetime appetite for slasher flicks—this one might be it. Kids on…
3 Tunnels 2 Hell (aka “Serenity Farm”)
A bad actor from Los Angeles inherits an island in Washington, with the restriction that he must operate a horse riding camp on it. There he and the other bad…
Silent Panic
Surprisingly decent zero-budget indie drama that starts like it's going to be a crap thriller but slowly and smoothly transitions to something quieter and more thoughtful. Three friends' relationships with…
Unsheltered
If I tell you five college students shelter from a hurricane in an abandoned junkyard and are hunted down by the most thinly-drawn villain in all of horror movie history…
Last Night On Earth
An alright thriller. A gorgeous couple leaves the city to await the destruction of the earth by an asteroid in a remote Tennessee backwoods campsite. Things get complicated as other…
Feed The Devil
Kids get lost in the Alaskan woods looking for a pot patch and run afoul of... a Native American psychopath? A Native American spirit? Unsure, but it's Native American, and…