I'm 40 minutes into this completely amateur pile of shit and I have no idea what it's about. It appears to be a bunch of scenes of various English people hamming up the daily lives of English people. And, geez, it's 2:07 long. There's another 90 minutes of this crap! Turned it off.
And here I thought America had a lock on movies this bad.
Let me say first that virtually any reasonable person will hate this movie. I can't decide if I like it myself. For a good part of it, I sure didn't.
This is sort of like "outsider art" of sci-fi horror. Absolutely terrible by most conventional standards: paced like a slog through a swamp, fairly poorly acting, and a difficult-to-make sense of story.
The story, for what it's worth, is a medical student gets a night job as a caregiver for a cantankerous, agoraphobic old man, who is never seen, but rather only heard perpetually cursing over a baby monitor from his room, as the primary nurse does all the actual attending to him. Strange shadows occasionally dart about and startle him, without explanation. And that's the first half of the movie. And it's, strange, there was actually something about it I kind of liked somehow, but I couldn't…
A disjointed, stylized "artsy" film which seems to be about a woman who is experiencing the deaths of a bunch of people from different places and points in history, but is just a bunch of scenes with no clear narrative. Well-shot but I just couldn't follow what was supposed to be happening.
Sleepless man falls under the influence of a demon posing as a doctor who runs a sleep clinic. I have never seen a movie try harder to be a supernatural epic, and fall so far short because they had no budget and no talent. But, wow, they really wanted this amateurish piece of garbage to be an epic. I kind of admire trying to punch so incredibly far above your weight.
Decent enough sci-fi, well-made, despite the too-obvious influences of "2001: A Space Odyssey" and "Solaris". A lone worker on a moon base prepares to wrap up his 3-year stint there when he discovers unexpected company. Sam Rockwell does a decent job carrying 99% of the dialog, and all the action, in several different roles.
Alcohol single mother and young son movie into a new house and there are... things there.
What a weird movie. Definitely an execrable, bottom-rung, amateur, poorly (really, not at all) acted, zero-budget movie. But, I dunno. The lead actress really commits, even though she can't act. And the special effects are so corny, but used so sparingly, that they're kind of charming. Plus, weirdly, there's a last-minute cameo from Bob Clendenin, who you will definitely recognize as one of those slightly funny-looking, "Hey, it's that guy" second-string character actors who's been in a million commercials and shows and things but whose names you never get.
Rated 2.5 stars on IMDB and that's about right. But, still, somehow, once it finally got going—which took a while—I liked it, for a terrible movie.
Swing and a miss. Somewhat competent extended Twilight Zone episode, basically, in which a man retreats to his apartment after his wife is killed in front of him in a mass shooting, only for time to collapse in on itself, and past and future collide and get to hang out and drink tea.
Could have been ok, but narratively not much happens, it's just kind of trippy for its own sake, and then ends without a resolution or explanation. A strong ending might have made it ok, but it just kind of stops on something that feels like a note of redemption but doesn't actually say anything.
Low-key but kind of charming indie sci-fi (barely), about a humanoid cyborg trying quietly to fit in in human society. Quirky without being annoyingly so. Has a wonderful avant-garde-leaning soundtrack with tropicalia music and Meredith Monk-type whoops.
This movie stands out for having the most ridiculous plot twist I've ever seen.
After starting out with an Amityville-inspired prelude saying that an archeological find has revealed that "the real number of the beast is 616", and showing home security camera footage of a young man rising out of bed late at night and killing his family with a rifle, the movie moves on to a paint-by-numbers, clichéd family-moves-into-a-murder-house haunted house flick of the low caliber you might expect from any movie featuring Eric Roberts, who is famous for appearing in any movie that pays his $5000/day fee. A father and his teenage daughters movie into a surprisingly affordable mansion after the death of the mother.
But, then in what had to be a scene entirely written, filmed, and tacked on after production, in just the last 5 minutes, a "plot twist" comes from further out of left field…
Zero—possibly negative—budget flick about amateur filmmakers in NYC who discover a blank wall that reveals a face when seen through their camera, which leads them to bring in a psychic who spends the whole movie talking about hoodoo from other dimensions.
And you know what? I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the New-York-City-ness of the whole thing. I enjoyed two NYC goofballs talking hoodoo to a blank wall. I enjoyed the hammy, terrible acting of the "psychic" and her unidentifiable eastern European accent. I enjoyed that their budget was so low the for the one digital effect they used, a dimensional portal in the wall, they couldn't even afford to mask out, so it just was pasted in front of everything onscreen. I enjoyed that they somehow managed to make a talky, totally plotless 83 minutes with no action, no climax, no real ending somehow pass quickly. I enjoyed the cheezy…
Pointlessly "found footage" account of a gorgeous family being harangued by intruders in their house after returning from a vacation to find it broken into.
At this point these lazy directors have given up on even having a narrative reason to use first-person-shooter perspective... this one is shown entirely through cutting between the house's security cameras and webcams, of which there appear to be an unusual number, for absolutely no explicable reason, except that they didn't want to pay a cameraman or use any cinematography.
The few outdoor scenes are shown from the stalker's cell phone camera, which he helpfully keeps running and trained on the action, even while he's stabbing someone.
I'm ready to coin a new hashtag: #FFFU. Found Footage, Fuck You.
Turned it off, except to fast-forward through it twice looking for the scene with Amy Smart.
Stars Jeremy Sisto.
This movie is truly an odd bird. I believe the weaknesses outnumber the strengths, a flawed gem that's more flaw than gem, but I can't say it has absolutely nothing at all going for it.
Three people get trapped in a high-rise holiday flat, and as the food and water run out they begin to lose their minds. Eventually it comes to appear they may be victims of something larger than a simple mishap.
It's well-made and well-acted by indie film standards. Also, it had some nice production touches... some of the camerawork, the way they handle the apartment, was reminiscent of how the hotel sets were used in "The Shining", but not in a deliberately derivative way, just in seeming to have picked up some nice moves from it.
But the narrative is pretty weak and disjointed, and the first probably two thirds of the movie are…
The kind of movie that a church group makes when they decide to make a "horror movie".
Well, you gotta admire their commitment.
I wonder how these things get on Tubi.
Best moment: The psychiatrist hands the protagonist a bible and tells him he needs God, not medication. Protagonist: "You're a doctor, not a priest." Psychiatrist: "I'm a human being. One who knows a lot more about these kinds of things than you do."
Nebbishy teen has a monster in his house that won't let him leave at night, forces him to be in bed by sundown, and eats anyone who comes calling.
Basically, it's a horror movie for kids, but kind of on the slightly intense side for kids. I thought it might be a "Goosebumps" movie or something. Has a weak "and then it all turned out to be a dream" type ending. I guess I should have expected that. Still, it's bad but not irritatingly so, and for what it is, kind of mildly entertaining, I guess.
Ten minutes of a totally uninteresting YouTuber yammering at his phone was all I could take of this "movie".
All the worst first-person shooter "found footage" horror cliches, wrapped around a nonsensical story about a man who whose face digitally distorts and he starts killing people when he sleepwalks, because, movie. Shot entirely in one house. Essentially, "Paranormal Activity" with even worse actors.
I wish people who made these first-person shooters understood that just because you don't have a cameraman doesn't mean you can also dispense with pacing, acting, and having a story.
Disappointing to see such a bad movie so full of Canadian accents. I guess it's the exception that proves the rule. Maybe Canada will kick this filmmaker out.
A young man who has just declared bankruptcy receives a mysterious charge card and buys a car, and becomes subject to usurious terms he can't afford. Mysterious threating individuals begin stalking him. An extremely contrived, self-consciously quirky, eccentric, clearly David Lynch-inspired exercise, but unlike most movies that could be said about, it actually kind of works on that level. It has some effective cinematography, including later very obviously film noir-influenced scenes that are visually well done, and actually manages to often say just on the entertaining side of being tediously "indie" and "quirky", which is rare, and I give it credit for that much.
Unfortunately, where it falls down is the much-too-slow plotting. It's twice as long as it needs to be, and for the full first half nothing really happens except for contrived self-conscious "weirdness". And the story isn't very good, and requires a little too much suspension…
British near-future dystopian sci-fi romance. A couple in a society where relationships are tightly regulated by electronic bracelets that control whether they can touch each other or not is informed that their relationship has expired and they must move on, and they're not happy about it. Could have been worse, sometimes the British have a way of making movies not be absolute crap. On the less interesting end of watchable, but, basically watchable, for an indie flick.
This was a good one, could be a spooky low-key modern gothic horror classic. Effectively creepy and atmospheric all the way through in the best manner of well-done horror. A man is hired to spend a few days as caretaker for a mentally ill woman sequestered in a remote island home. Upon arriving, he is chained in a harness ostensibly to prevent him from being able to wander into certain parts of the house. The young woman is alternately completely catatonic, and up wandering the house menacingly with a crossbow. There may be something in the walls.
More about mood than scares or gore, although make no mistake, this is genuinely a horror movie, and if you ask me, it's the way horror should be done... creepy and tense enough to be a date movie, but well-made enough to stand as an actual film, not a cheapo genre exercise.…
An AirBnB in San Diego is accidentally double-booked by an Irish couple and a couple from New York who are actually criminals on the run. Billed as a supernatural thriller, by an hour into this 90-minute zero-budget amateur movie it had consisted entirely of the couples hanging out around the house (apparently they booked an AirBnB all the way around the world and across the country, respectively, to sit around the house), bickering amongst themselves, plus two fleeting shots of figures in costume-shop satanic robes lurking outside the house. And that's it. I turned it off.
Painfully indie, poorly acted movie that I bet was filmed in Brooklyn. A girl... I don't know. She bleeds from the ears, she goes on blind dates with the worst men ever, she goes to the doctor, she deals with customers at the department store she works at who demand her help in choosing between perfumes that they say smell like spoiled bananas and rancid meat.
Weirdly, the visual production values are pretty professional and well-done, while the attempted acting—really, just people clearly reciting lines and trying ineptly to seem ingenuous about it—is just absolutely awful, incredibly bad. Like, porn-movie-bad. The contradiction between that and decent productions values is jarring.
And the weird pastiche of video production effects, jumpy visual montages to jazz drumming, and special-effects interludes in "artsy" styles don't help at all.
I turned it off halfway though.
What starts out as a really excellent pitch-black comedy about a production of "Julius Caesar" gone murderously wrong loses the thread about halfway through.
For the first half it was incredibly well made and cruising to be a particular favorite, but about halfway through the tight plotting suddenly gets very, very flabby, and instead of exploring the consequences of a murder they fall back on the "comedy" of the bodies piling up as many more happen.
It's a true shame. The production is excellent, whole thing is surprisingly strong, and even the acting holds up all the way through, with the exception of the appearance halfway through as Malcolm McDowell, playing his usual role of Malcolm-McDowell-in-costume-as-someone-else. The actors seemed incredibly true-to-life, based solely my meager experience with theater actors. I'm guessing this really is aimed as a satire at people who've been involved in the theater, but it was…
Amateurish, zero-budget attempt at a thriller. I can't even really follow the plot, this guy gets broken out of jail, now he owes someone some money, this little girl is being read to on the playground by someone nobody else can see. Two freaking hours and 35 minutes long. No thanks.
Everybody ... stares ... looking ... concerned. And ... talks ... very ... slowly. What ... are ... they ... saying? I ... don't ... know ... because ... this ... movie ... has ... the ... most ... muffled ... and ... indistinct ... sound ... recording ... I've ... ever ... heard. Turned it off halfway through, which was long after it got annoying.
This feels like a pilot episode of an anthology sci-fi show that wasn't picked up, and at 1 hr 1 minute long, it probably is. A lonely shoemaker builds a robot wife, his girlfriend finds out and is creeped out. It's kinda cute, in that there's-nothing-on-and-I-bored-so-I'll-watch-one-of-these-episodes-of-the-new-run-of-The-Outer-Limits kind of way.
Actually not bad supernatural thriller about woman who experiences night terrors, and possibly a visit from a demon, after accidentally killing her infant son in a car accident.
Not great by any stretch, and the very end is a little clichéd, but certainly above average for this kind of movie, with no egregious failings.
One of the most boring "thrillers" I've ever seen.
An injured climber in Scotland wakes up in a mountain shelter. He tends to his injuries, and in a few minutes another climber shows up, and they talk.
And talk.
And talk.
And that's literally all they do.
About 80 minutes into this 110 minute movie, they finally start talking about some horror or drama element—supposedly some beast is roving outside and wants the climber. Why did it take 80 minutes to get to this? Finally, in the last 20 minutes, they get into some supernatural elements.
I get the sense this was a 15-minute short that the director/writer/star narcissistically thought deserved to be a 2 hour movie. It didn't. Might have been a cool 12-15 minute short, if they'd gotten to the ending.
But, I mean, literally 80 minutes of two guys in a room talking before the…
This is sure to be a polarizing film. More a montage than a story, with plenty of very long, unhurried (and beautifully shot) nature shots, this film depicts a version of humanity that hibernates through the winter, and is just slightly more a part of the natural world. People are still people, they don't act like animals, they have dinners around dinner tables and go to concerts. But there's no line between "civilization" and "nature"... goats and raccoons wander through the houses, roosters leap on the dining room table to pick what's left of a massive pre-hibernation feast, and people describe whatever group of people they happen to cohabit with as families, as parents and siblings. "Once when we woke up I had a new older sister", someone relates. "We had no idea where she came from." Cows appear to be the dominant species, and are often seen wandering by.…
Sometimes I stumble onto a treat.
A company invents VR technology to allow rich people to experience life from the viewpoint of someone more disadvantages. To say more about the plot would require spoilers.
This indie sci-fi is filmed in black and white, which seemed pretentious at first, but made sense as the movie rolled on, because, it's sci-fi, yes—but mostly it's actually film noir, and while nobody would accuse it of being one of the greats, it's a pretty well-done one for a little indie flick. As the story gets more involved the choice to film in black and white as an homage to vintage film noir makes sense.
It started out seeming pretentious and not very effective, not to mention not particularly well-acted, but only got better as it went along, building, happily, to a very effective ending noir ending. Though it takes a while…
Not absolutely terrible haunted house movie. Couple recovering from the death of their son is haunted by... it's not clear, but something. Also, seems to be set in basically a trailer, instead of a house. So, a haunted trailer movie. Not so terrible for a B movie, though, so, basically watchable if you're in the mood for this sort of thing, although don't expect much more than that.
They hire a medium/exorcist who is down-to-earth and underplayed, for once... think about Zelda Rubenstein in "Poltergeist", then imagine her polar opposite.
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