Implented
Middling-to-ok near-future sci-fi flick about an experiment to implant people with AI chips, which take over their lives and force them to kill and sit up straight, you're slouching. I…
Subfolders
Latest "Movie Reviews" files
Implented
Postscript
Kind of a disappointment here. This anthology film showing stories of people wandering across a postapocalyptic wasteland, really just some hilly rural area, starts with a couple of incredibly cheap-looking…
Apocalyptic 2077
As amateurish as it gets, seems like a couple of friends probably got together and made this jokey English tale about a guy who gets stuck in an underground bunker…
Evil At The Door
Ok. Hmmmmmm. The setup for this movie is dissuasive: Once a year, an ancient secret society "The Locusts" stages "Night Of The Locusts", where innocent people are set up for…
Exorcism At 60,000 Feet
A horror-themed variant of those sub-"Airplane!" movies that are intentionally stupid, play to overly broad stereotypes, etc., such as the "joke" of having a child played by a full-grown dwarf,…
The Blue Rose
A visually beautiful film made by someone who obviously studied at the feet of Blue Velvet-era David Lynch in terms of cinematography, and succeeds well on that level, but is…
Red Earth
An interesting indie exercise, more artsy than I often like, but in this case it's effective—think more Tarkovsky than "Brooklyn hipster with a video recorder". There are a lot of…
Dr. Ken [tv series]
Ken Jeong stars in this fictionalized version of his life, which apparently consists of a lot of overly broad characterizations, tired sitcom tropes, and middle-aged people talking in awkward, exaggerated…
Crawl
Ok nature/animal attack thriller. Kaya Scodelario and her father are trapped in the crawlspace of a house in Florida as particularly ferocious but oddly slow-moving alligators swarm in the rising…
They Crawl Beneath
Decent enough b-movie monster movie, if you're in the mood for a b-movie monster movie. A mechanic is stuck pinned under a car in a garage while giant poisonous nematodes…
The Hyperborean
A self-consciously "weird" movie (never a good thing in my book) movie which suffers primarily from self-consciously "quirky" characters obviously invented by a Wes Anderson fan: a family with a…
The Call
Very decent, tense thriller. Halle Berry is a 911 operater on a live call with a girl who's been abducted and is in the trunk of a car speeding down…
Cold Souls
Moderately entertaining if almost too quirky sci-fi comedy along the lines of, but happily much more restrained than, something like "Being John Malkovich". Paul Giamatti plays himself, so tormented by…
Voyage To The Planet Of Prehistoric Women
This little oddity has a story that isn't really relevant to it, but it's amusing: Roger Corman bought the rights to a Russian early '60s sci-fi film, had Peter Bogdanovich…
Dead Air
It's hard to do anything new with a zombie movie nowadays, but this movie kind of does. Bill Moseley takes a star turn in a convincing performance of a mildly…
Walter
Starts out a cute, quirky-but-not-unbearably-so comedy about a geeky small-town movie theater ticket taker who may or may not be the son of God and have the ability to decide…
Booger
In between interminable references to "The Pina Colada Song" for some reason, a Brooklyn hipster gets bit by a cat (named "Booger"), and behaves like she is turning onto a…
Hostile Dimensions
This films is difficult to know what to do with. By all rights, it should suck. Zero budget, not very good acting, plotting that seems rather arbitrary, and, worst of…
Hallucinations (2021)
Originally posted on IMDB. Note to aspiring filmmakers: there are two things you are not. The first is David Lynch. The second, and this needs to be said far less…
A Man Goes On A Killing Spree
Does what it says on the tin. Or, would, if the title was "A Man Goes On a Killing Spree For No Reason, In Between Much-Too-Long, Scenes Of Wooden Actors…
The Quiet Earth
Kind of an enjoyable New Zealand sci-fi flick which, from 1985, may be the latest example I know of of that slightly campy but good, character-driven 1970s-type movie making. A…
God Of Pain (aka Algea: God Of Pain)
A truly shitty excursion in which wooden actors are shown committing murders, and then appear before a man in a plaster mask who announces himself as "The God Of Pain"…
Excision
Boy, this movie really makes kind of an impression. Annalynne McCord, last seen looking like a glamor-model-turned-actress in 90210, plays, in what is only the first of this movie's many…
The Harbinger
This was ok. During the pandemic, a woman goes to visit a friend who has been having intense nightmares, and they turn out to be contagious. It gets into some…
Texas Tall Tales
Don't know the plot because I turned it off less than 20 minutes into it. Porn-movie-quality acting tells me all I need to know. Not interested.
Incubus: New Beginnings
I notice a lot of truly abysmal, home-movie-level crap comes from this company "ITN". This is more of that. There's an incubus, he looks like the Brawny paper towel man,…
The Frame
This is an interesting one. It takes so long to get where it's going, but is so passably adequate even before it's gotten there, that by the time it does…
OMG… We’re In A Horror Movie
This is one of those really bad movies that kind of feels like a group of friends got together and made a movie, but in this case, every single one…
The Radleys
Pretty decent English modern-vampire-movie-played-almost-as-drama a lá "The Hamiltons". This was pretty decent though. Modern English vampire family deals with internal politics and trying to survive without being found out in…
Alone With You
An indie, hipster version of "1408". Woman trapped alone in her Brooklyn apartment has a bunch of surreal, random "scary" things happen to her, and it's all supposed to mean…