Cold Blows The Wind
Absolutely execrable, bottom-of-the-barrel mess of a horror movie (shot on video, no less, so it looks like a bad TV show) about a couple that accidentally kills a jogger while…
Subfolders
Latest "Movie Reviews" files
Cold Blows The Wind
Foil
Somewhere in the same universe as Repo Man, Harold & Kumar, and Buckaroo Bonzai is this quirky buddy comedy about two slacker friends on a UFO-spotting camping trip in the…
The 3rd Guest
Absolutely incomprehensible, bottom-of-the-barrel, poorly acted, terribly written attempt at a supernatural thriller about a couple of ghost hunters who go to a murderer's house to try and see the ghost…
The Veil (2023)
A not-bad horror-ish, sci-fi-ish movie that plays like an ok episode of a long-form sci-fi TV show. During a solar storm that knocked out cell reception and causes auroras in…
What Happened at 625 River Road?
Bottom-of-the-barrel thriller with some of the worst acting I've ever seen, and then, one really great plot twist. They got me. A pair of women rent a house for a…
Removed
Definitely... well... not a flawed gem, but a flawed alright thriller in which a cleaner is paid to clean house for an overbearing rich guy. Saved from mediocrity by the…
Flesh City
Execrable, pretentious wanna-be "avante garde" film from a Berlin filmmaker who obviously thinks "avant garde" means lots of video effects, jumpy edits, stuttering video, and half the movie being just…
Zo In Exile
A young woman has a disjointed bunch of random, weird, episodic encounters with weird people who do random things because it's artsy, I guess. Seems loosely to be a cheaply-produced…
Herd
Ok, this movie couldn't have seemed less promising: "A woman running from her past is trapped between a zombie outbreak and warring militia groups." Great. But it turns out, this…
Everwinter Night
This film set low expectations and then came through kinda better than expected. The synopsis, "Lifelong best friends, Maddy and V, find themselves at a remote ski lodge where a…
The Devil’s Restaurant
A horror-comedy that actually works, sort of... at least well enough that I was reasonably entertained. In this case, a restauranteur strikes a deal with a demon who lives in…
The Lost End
This ambitious indie flick is somewhere in the David Lynch, Guillermo Del Toro, Gaspar Noe triangle of "film is art" highly-stylized productions. A man whose wife and son disappear on…
Caught (2017)
Hmmm. Hmmmmmmmm. Hmmmm. What starts as a dreadfully slow, very British take on a home invasion/captivity flick a la "Funny Games"—something I'm immediately put off by—turns out, very slowly, to…
Night To Day
Some BS about a woman from a monster dimension who crosses over and wants to be human, or something. This movie had some of the worst acting I've ever seen.…
Conjuring The Cult
A father whose daughter killed herself has a coven of witches resurrect her. But the plot of this movie doesn't matter. The whole movie is set apart by being an…
Murmur
A bunch of social media influencers... You don't really need to know more about that plot than that, do you? It's another horror movie about social media influencers, which has…
Hi Death
Perhaps the worst horror anthology film I've ever seen. A horror tour of Hollywood is the pretext for a 4 or 5 zero-budget, "hey guys let's make a movie!" sub-USA-Up-All-Nite…
Grey Agenda
One of those movies that seems like someone wrote a script in a couple of days, got a video camera and a bunch of their friends together to make a…
We Are Zombies
Aw, for the first two-thirds, this movie was fun! For a lot of its runtime, it's a funnier and better-done comedy than I'm used to seeing from a bunch of…
Adam & Eve (1983)
Absolute bottom-of-the-barrel crap from the final fading moments of the "Jason And The Argonauts"/"Seventh Voyage Of Sinbad"/"Clash Of The Titans" epic mythological fantasy era, although I feel bad besmirching the…
Blood (2023)
Entirely watchable supernatural thriller. Michelle Monaghan moves her family out to the country, where her young son is bit by a sick dog and subsequently develops an overwhelming thirst for…
The Control
This stylistically incredibly Canadian sci-fi movie is unfortunately a swing and a miss. Basically, "Primer" but with virtual reality instead of time travel. In some sort of experiment that's too…
Smothered
This is a charming semi-spoof horror featuring a bunch of '80s horror actors playing themselves (Kane Hodder, cameo from Michael Berryman, plus Bill Moseley in a role obviously intended for…
A Halloween Feast
If John Waters made a horror movie, this would be it. Which is to say: absolutely terrible, but, if you're in the mood for ridiculously over-the-top camp, fits the bill…
The Thing On The Doorstep
This movie is really odd. I will say right off that most people probably won't like it. This is yet another in the apparently long string of oddly charming, super-low-budget…
#MissingCouple
A fairly dreadful first-person shooter involving all the very worst tropes of the genre: long stretches of people just living their lives, lead characters are inane and annoying social media…
Interlaced
Ok, here's another movie that I kind of liked that I'm 100% positive everybody else will hate. In fact, for about the first half, I really liked it, but it…
Attack Of The Unknown
In Los Angeles, a bunch of tough-as-nails cops, soldiers, and criminals who look like actors and models shoot guns at rubbery aliens with CGI tentacles, while CGI spaceships appear in…
Larva
Very decent paint-by-numbers monster/nature-run-amok movie, for a paint-by-numbers monster/nature-run-amok movie. New veterinarian comes to a small town where all the farmers have an arrangement to buy futuristic new feed from…
Don’t Look Deeper
This is weird. This was actually a pretty ok sci-fi movie, if a little teen-oriented, set in the near future when there are humanoid AIs in daily use but otherwise…