Scientist invents a machine that lets him see extradimensional creatures, and it turns out, let them see him. Another cheezy attempt at Lovecraft, this time with way more '80s fashions than any other I've seen, and the requisite over-the-top latex monster applicances. I always feel affection for these because these low-budget Lovecraft efforts always seem to try harder than anybody else to rise to the material, even if they fail. At least they're aiming high.
As hackneyed and unfunny as a sitcom can be. Chris D'Elia, who, despite whatever else may be said about him, is at least often a funny actor, is absolutely wasted in this. Turned it off during the third episode. I'm not sitting through 9 more episodes of this.
Gritty fantasy show based on a Nail Gaiman about ancient gods fighting it out in modern-day American with the "new gods" of commercialism and technology. A very strong start to this Bryan Fuller adaptation, including a smattering of topnotch actors and some really well-cast cameos, disappointingly doesn't pan out as the season wears on. Never worse than good, the show nonetheless loses the first few episodes' tight plotting and gritty tone, gets talkier and more meandering, as what I hoped would be a tight miniseries turns out to be an ongoing series and kind of loses momentum. Tubi's run frustratingly only includes season 1 for now, ending on a cliffhanger, and worse, I understand Bryan Fuller left after that season and subsequent seasons aren't as positively reviewed. Color me all around kind of disappointed. It started really strong. If this had been a solid 6 or maybe 8 episodes of…
Gritty (for Hollywood) tale of a day in the life of speed freaks. I suppose this movie is alright. Despite being cast full of actors I don't like much (Jason Schwartzman, John Leguizamo, Brittany Murphy, Mickey Rourke) it pretty much catches them all at their relative best, doing a pretty good job at bringing full lives to the kind of sketchy characters we've all seen out of the corner of our eyes once in a while, and mostly avoided interacting with. The Hollywood attempt at "gritty" is better than most such. Also, short cameos from the always disturbing Peter Stormare and Debby Harry as a tough-as-nails lesbian liven things up.
I watched this once before, long ago, and recalled liking it, and though it's up and down I came out of it once again thinking I kinda liked it.
Another in a long line of "first contact" films that owe a debt to "2001: A Space Odyssey", but a decent entry in the arena. A lone astronaut on a 10-year-mission to find what's been broadcasting mysterious signals from Neptune. Not bad, it was an alright watch even if conceptually a touch derivative.
Amusingly, "Neptune" appears to have been filmed at Pyramid Lake.
Odd, fun little sci-fi/light comedy about an alien landing in an old man's flower garden in Pennsyvania. Ben Kingsley, Jane Curtin, and Harriet Sansom Harris, still a heavy hitter in sci-fi over 30 years after she freaked us out on the X-Files episode "Eve", play a bunch of old coots who nobody listens to, caring for a space visitor who doesn't talk but manages to express some strange things he needs to get his craft off the ground again. Pretty well done, pleasantly quirky, and a fun watch. I liked it.
A talky, overlong mocumentary about a "haunted object" research team that encounters a strange wooden effigy that seems to possess supernatural powers. I feel bad slagging it off, because it's not terrible, but it's a whole "horror" movie of nothing people talking about a scary thing, rather than showing scary things. At 90 minutes, it feels like about 3 hours long.
A montage of late-night channel surfing slowly reveals a story involving aliens, a horror filmmaker's mysterious unfinished film, a haunted videotape, and a local outbreak of violence. Told entirely as clips of flipping though channels in a fairly convincing recreation of flipping through late night broadcast TV channels, but the execution doesn't really work in an engaging way. Felissa Rose is in this, if that tells you anything.
A phallic/fecal-looking parasite that causes uncontrollable, violent sexual urges spreads throughout an exclusive apartment complex. How's that for an opener?
I just can't be objective about early David Cronenberg. I've always had a lot of affection for Cronenberg as a director, and although the low production values and camp story here play like early John Waters directing a gore film, or like George Romero making a movie about horny urbanites instead of zombies... I'm not going to say anything worse than that about it. And, you know, early John Waters has its points, too.
And, I think, to me, even though this isn't the best of Cronenberg's early films (cf. "The Brood", which unfathomably isn't on Tubi), you can still see occasional signs of talent. There's some disturbing imagery to be seen here, and that's what we come to horror movies for, right?
This unnecessary but not-completely-dreadful sequel keeps a lot of the visual style of "30 Days Of Night"—a movie I'm pretty fond of—so it scores points by me for that. This moves the action first to a gritty, dark Los Angeles, and then onto a gritty, dark vampire-filled ship bound for another hapless small town in Alaska, as the vampires have spread nationwide and a small band of gorgeous, tough-as-nails humans fights a losing battle to kill as many of them as they can.
Whereas the original leaned horror, this is more of an action movie, although with heavy duty supernatural elements. This is basically a "horror movie" in the same way "Predator" is a "science fiction" movie. IE, it's not, it's just dressed up like one, although the costume is pretty good.
But, you know, it's fairly well directed, even if there's not a whole lot to the story…
Surprisingly fun horror about a young girl who takes a spider from space as a pet, which causes problems as it grows. Starts off with a "Goonies"-type "kid movie" vibe but actually turned out to be alright horror, slightly above average. Fun, at least. I liked it.
I thought the first Saw was interesting, not great but good. I lasted maybe 20 minutes of this. It's just violence as entertainment... like, essentially gladiator games, except, it's supposed to be cool because its twisted. Great. Never done it for me.
I'm sure this seemed like a cool idea at the time—the inner dialogue of a delusional scientist tormented by sounds only he can hear, as he slowly goes insane and finally, with 10 minutes left in this 95 minute picture, kills a few people and them himself (seems like there's a lot of that going on in indie horror movies).
It's not that badly made, but 95 minutes of someone's inner dialogue about science trivia and "deep" thoughts, with 10 minutes of actual at the end, is not a good feature film, and definitely not a horror movie. This could have been a 20 minute short.
Reasonably agreeable redemptive comedy about a progressive woman who gets a job turning around a porn magazine. Lots of charismatic actors. I've spent worse 90 minute stretches in front of Tubi.
Fairly watchable Canadian early 2000s Twilight Zone-type anthology. Lots of recognizable faces & reasonably respectable actors involved (David Paymer, Miguel Ferrera, Mare Winningham, a million more. That sort of caliber.) Quality is uneven but some of the stories are pretty watchable and they occasionally pull off a good ending.
Strangely, hosted in the Rod Serling-type narrator role by Henry Rollins. No effort is made to have him seem anything like Henry Rollins, suggesting what the Twilight Zone intros might have been like if Rod Serling seemed less like he was looking forward to a martini and more like he was thinking about beating the shit out of you.
Take a fairly boring tale of a mother of a missing girl, the man who accidentally killed her, and the girl's ghost all being mildly annoying to each other in a snowy rural woodland, and then make it worse by adding "artsy" blurred camera work, smash cuts between disconnected scenes and what appear to be actor improv sessions, and a dissonant synth soundtrack.
Despite my hatred for "found footage" horror films, my interest was piqued by see that this was a "found footage" film from 1989—predating ostensible genre inventor "The Blair Witch Project" by several years. It's sort of like discovering a heavy metal band from 1963.
Interestingly, this film about a family birthday party interrupted by the appearance of aliens shows that the "found footage" genre emerged fully failed from the beginning.
This earliest known example contains everything that sucks about the genre: little plot, a complete disregard for pacing in favor of dwelling for too long on irrelevant conversation between uninteresting characters (do we, as viewers, really need to spend 5 minutes watching the family say their goodbyes to each other after dinner?), difficult-to-watch low-quality camerawork with zero cinematography, muddy sound, and an all-around lack of any qualities that might make it worth spending the time to watch.
…I have no idea how they got Katia Winter and Ted Levine (who, by the way, once personally scared the shit out of me in a real life encounter) for this movie that is visually somewhat competent, at best, but feels in every other way like an absolutely amateur mess.
This story manages in the first half hour to mention MK-Ultra, psychedelics, numbers stations, the Black Rock Desert, H.P. Lovecraft, and a character who couldn't have been more closely based on Hunter S Thompson if he'd had his ashes shot out of a cannon after he blows his brains out near the end. And, nothing original at all, other than throwing everything but the kitchen sink into the first 30 minutes of one movie. It's just a hodgepodge of trite conspiracy theory shit tied together with jump scares, as the film finds reason after reason for the lights to go…
Bottom-of-the-barrel zero-budget indie sci-fi about a mad scientist who kidnaps people to clone them for some reason. Notable only for having a twist ending I saw coming about 30 minutes into the movie. (The good guy escapes, and it turns out he was cloned and the clone sets off after him.)
A pretty pleasant surprise—a thoroughly derivative captivity/pursuit movie of the "trapped in an insane psycho's house" variety, about a young woman who is tricked into meeting someone via a dating app who is not who the profile says, but which slowly picks up about a third of the way through and then, surprisingly, just gets better and better.
This is entirely derivative in terms of its themes, indebted deeply to movies like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but slowly they began to introduce elements that had me thinking, "Well, this is actually alright for what it is, I bet younger horror fans will think it's great... although I'm just not sure it's necessary when we have The Texas Chainsaw Massacre." And then, slowly, they just kind added enough novel elements, and truthfully the whole thing is well-made enough all the way through, that I actually wound up enjoying it quite…
I'm 40 minutes into this completely amateur pile of shit and I have no idea what it's about. It appears to be a bunch of scenes of various English people hamming up the daily lives of English people. And, geez, it's 2:07 long. There's another 90 minutes of this crap! Turned it off.
And here I thought America had a lock on movies this bad.
Let me say first that virtually any reasonable person will hate this movie. I can't decide if I like it myself. For a good part of it, I sure didn't.
This is sort of like "outsider art" of sci-fi horror. Absolutely terrible by most conventional standards: paced like a slog through a swamp, fairly poorly acting, and a difficult-to-make sense of story.
The story, for what it's worth, is a medical student gets a night job as a caregiver for a cantankerous, agoraphobic old man, who is never seen, but rather only heard perpetually cursing over a baby monitor from his room, as the primary nurse does all the actual attending to him. Strange shadows occasionally dart about and startle him, without explanation. And that's the first half of the movie. And it's, strange, there was actually something about it I kind of liked somehow, but I couldn't…
A disjointed, stylized "artsy" film which seems to be about a woman who is experiencing the deaths of a bunch of people from different places and points in history, but is just a bunch of scenes with no clear narrative. Well-shot but I just couldn't follow what was supposed to be happening.
Sleepless man falls under the influence of a demon posing as a doctor who runs a sleep clinic. I have never seen a movie try harder to be a supernatural epic, and fall so far short because they had no budget and no talent. But, wow, they really wanted this amateurish piece of garbage to be an epic. I kind of admire trying to punch so incredibly far above your weight.
Decent enough sci-fi, well-made, despite the too-obvious influences of "2001: A Space Odyssey" and "Solaris". A lone worker on a moon base prepares to wrap up his 3-year stint there when he discovers unexpected company. Sam Rockwell does a decent job carrying 99% of the dialog, and all the action, in several different roles.
Alcohol single mother and young son movie into a new house and there are... things there.
What a weird movie. Definitely an execrable, bottom-rung, amateur, poorly (really, not at all) acted, zero-budget movie. But, I dunno. The lead actress really commits, even though she can't act. And the special effects are so corny, but used so sparingly, that they're kind of charming. Plus, weirdly, there's a last-minute cameo from Bob Clendenin, who you will definitely recognize as one of those slightly funny-looking, "Hey, it's that guy" second-string character actors who's been in a million commercials and shows and things but whose names you never get.
Rated 2.5 stars on IMDB and that's about right. But, still, somehow, once it finally got going—which took a while—I liked it, for a terrible movie.
Swing and a miss. Somewhat competent extended Twilight Zone episode, basically, in which a man retreats to his apartment after his wife is killed in front of him in a mass shooting, only for time to collapse in on itself, and past and future collide and get to hang out and drink tea.
Could have been ok, but narratively not much happens, it's just kind of trippy for its own sake, and then ends without a resolution or explanation. A strong ending might have made it ok, but it just kind of stops on something that feels like a note of redemption but doesn't actually say anything.
Low-key but kind of charming indie sci-fi (barely), about a humanoid cyborg trying quietly to fit in in human society. Quirky without being annoyingly so. Has a wonderful avant-garde-leaning soundtrack with tropicalia music and Meredith Monk-type whoops.
This movie stands out for having the most ridiculous plot twist I've ever seen.
After starting out with an Amityville-inspired prelude saying that an archeological find has revealed that "the real number of the beast is 616", and showing home security camera footage of a young man rising out of bed late at night and killing his family with a rifle, the movie moves on to a paint-by-numbers, clichéd family-moves-into-a-murder-house haunted house flick of the low caliber you might expect from any movie featuring Eric Roberts, who is famous for appearing in any movie that pays his $5000/day fee. A father and his teenage daughters movie into a surprisingly affordable mansion after the death of the mother.
But, then in what had to be a scene entirely written, filmed, and tacked on after production, in just the last 5 minutes, a "plot twist" comes from further out of left field…
Zero—possibly negative—budget flick about amateur filmmakers in NYC who discover a blank wall that reveals a face when seen through their camera, which leads them to bring in a psychic who spends the whole movie talking about hoodoo from other dimensions.
And you know what? I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the New-York-City-ness of the whole thing. I enjoyed two NYC goofballs talking hoodoo to a blank wall. I enjoyed the hammy, terrible acting of the "psychic" and her unidentifiable eastern European accent. I enjoyed that their budget was so low the for the one digital effect they used, a dimensional portal in the wall, they couldn't even afford to mask out, so it just was pasted in front of everything onscreen. I enjoyed that they somehow managed to make a talky, totally plotless 83 minutes with no action, no climax, no real ending somehow pass quickly. I enjoyed the cheezy…
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