Charlotte
anthology seemingly aimed at 12-year-olds. A babysitter is held captive by a creepy doll and forced to watch terrible horror vingettes.
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Latest "Movie Reviews" files
Gaia
Wow, sometimes you stumble across an unexpected gem. The setup is a remote pair of forest rangers checking trail cams stumble across a pair of survivalists, initially promising to be…
Antrum
Interesting. Mockumentary segments bookend a simulated but very authentic 1970s amateur home-made horror movie about a kid trying to dig a pit to hell in the woods. Actually, if you…
Held
Vacationing couple is held captive in a high-tech vacation house where a mysterious booming voice forces them to learn etiquette. Vaguely tries to do for gender politics what "Get Out"…
Matriarch
Once you know the movie description starts with "A pregnant couple's car breaks down in the woods so they seek help at a nearby farmhouse" you know what you're in…
Fear Street, Part 1
1994: Imagine a slasher movie based on a series of popular teen novels. Ok, you've got it. Not bad for what it is, just _is_ what it is.
Maps To The Stars
Surprised to find out this was David Cronenberg. Seemed more like Robert Altman doing one of those "look how horrible film industry people are" films that's primarily entertaining only to…
The School
Strange, seems like a BBC production. Someone described it as "The Goonies meets Silent Hill", which seems about right. Campy and melodramatic, kind of feels like the '70s Dr Who…
The Wretched
Actually, not a bad teen screamer, in some ways, although I do wish the trend of naming horror movies by coming up with a "horror" adjective that has nothing to…
Into The Dark “New Year, New You”
Another Hulu "Into The Dark" installment. Murder porn. Four Twenty-something high school friends have a reunion in their old house for New Years, when old grudges resurface and things turn…
Don’t Knock Twice
What promises to be a total crap thriller about a young girl being pursued by a supernatural force after a "Bloody Mary"-type teenagers-foolishly-test-a-superstition-that-turns-out-to-be-true incident actually turns out to be a…
Cam
Madeline Brewer, who always seems to pick at least faintly interesting projects, in what could easily have been a slightly titillating Black Mirror episode, as a cam girl who finds…
Haunt
A group of teenagers are victimized in an "extreme haunt" amusement. Couldn't sound worse, right? Surprise! This film doesn't aim very high, and thereby it succeeds where few do, by…
The Amazing Johnathan Documentary
Starts out as a documentary about a complicated performer, and turns into a documentary about the complications of making a documentary about a complicated performer. Good, and the events that…
Vile
The definition of "torture porn". Literally no plot except for: a bunch of people are held prisoner and promised to be released if they torture each other, so they do.…
Eaters Of The Dead
Zero-budget camcorder-shot amateur garbage. Why is this kind of stuff on Amazon Prime? Apparently somebody's home movie about society-wide cannibalism after a nuclear apocalypse, if that matters. Even worse, it…
Desolation
Captivity/pursuit flick. Mother and son pursued through the woods by a silent, murderous Dave Grohl for no reason. I'd run too.
Save Yourselves!
Technically well-made enough, I suppose, but this is the kind of movie that I hear made Sundance and wonder what the standards really are at that festival. Sunil Mani and…
Creep 2
Mark Duplass as a convincing narcissistic serial killer in this first person shooter, a sequel to a film I could swear I saw but don't seem to have reviewed. This…
Drop Dead Diva (TV Show)
Somewhere in the same fictional Los Angeles as "Psych" and "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend" (and across a fictional continent from the fictional New York of "Ugly Betty") is "Drop Dead Diva" ,…
Cabin Fever 2
Spring Fever: Now, this is more like it. This is to horror movies what “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” was to comedies.This is that rare beast, the platonic ideal that…
Pontypool
Kind of a personal favorite, despite how much of a stretch it is at points. Another one of those small, unique, strangely good films Canadians seem so good at. DJs…
Cold Prey
A not-bad entry in the psycho-picking-off-teenagers-in-a-remote-location genre. but snow fields instead of woods this time, which is refreshing. Set in the norwegian outback, in an abandoned lodge. Goes on a…
The Lazarus Effect
after a team of gorgeous researchers discovered a cure for death, one of them is killed and resurrected, and gains random psychic powers, randomly turns evil, and kills her gorgeous…
Don’t Look Back
dear Hollywood, at certain point we figured out that if the bad guy doesn't talk to anybody but the protagonist for the entire movie, they're going to turn out to…
Darling
pretentious, nonsensical, overstylized black and white crap. Hipster girl watches haunted house in Brooklyn, bring a guy home, inexplicably kills her then goes insane. Dull. (Much later note: Yes, I…
Into The Dark “Culture Shock”
Mexicans crossing illegally into the united states are abducted and subjected to the world's cheeziest brainwashing experiment, and the only one being conducted by Creed from "The Office".