Megan Is Missing
Abducted child torture porn. Two girls are girls, then they are abducted, tortured, killed. The end. Notable for 3 scarily realistic, intense, gory shots of first girl (2 alive, one…
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Latest "Movie Reviews" files
Megan Is Missing
The Autopsy Of Jane Doe
Not so bad. Small movie with a primary cast of just two people (three if you include the corpse) consisting mostly of an increasingly creepy autopsy in a small-town morgue.…
Invoked
The Blair Witch Project in Ireland, with ghosts instead of a witch. Not bad actually, kind of creepy for a cheapo shitty first-person-filmed movie.
I Am A Ghost
She's a ghost. She wanders around a house. Doesn't sound like much but actually kind of a pretty cool movie. Kind of leans towards being an arthouse flick, but in…
28 Days Later
You've read this far into this list, and you haven't seen 28 Days Later? Are you kidding me? Stop reading and go watch it. Now. (Avoid the sequels.)
The Vanguard
English future dystopian zombie flick. Either the best home movie ever, or the lowest budget BBC production ever. Nothing but intense (seemingly shakespearian??) actors being intense in the woods or…
Girls (TV show)
All the cringeworthy, painful embarrassment* of 90210 and sheer greasy self-involved repugnance of Sex And The City. Halfway through the first episode I was gripped by a paralyzing fear that…
Into The Dark “Treehouse”
Not a bad one. That guy who was one of the McPoyle Brothers who's everywhere now goes to his country home and gets tormented for past crimes by a cover…
The Sand
Starts off like it's going to be an unbearably annoying first-person shooter, but if you forward past the first 5 minutes it's not. Kids wake up hungover after a beach…
Resident Evil (series)
Netflix Original. Evil pharma company markets a new antidepressant that just happens to be made from a virus that was bioengineered as a military weapon, but it's ok, because it…
Held
Vacationing couple is held captive in a high-tech vacation house where a mysterious booming voice forces them to learn etiquette. Vaguely tries to do for gender politics what "Get Out"…
The Tall Man
A good film which emphatically does not seem at all like it's going to be a good film. What starts out seeming like a run-of-the-mill b-movie cheap shit thriller about…
Cargo
Quiet post-apocalyptic zombie drama finds Martin Freeman carrying his baby through an australian wasteland full of carrion and infected people, with an aboriginal girl in tow. Not even really a…
The Signal (2014 sci-fi)
(not to be confused with the excellent 2007 horror anthology film of the same name) Boring-as-wallpaper hipsters track a hacker through the desert or something and wind up getting held…
Awaiting
Empty, banal torture/capitivity porn. Male victim this time, english moors this time. Yawn.
Terriers (series)
Donal Logue covers "Psych" without the "fake psychic" gag.
Higher Power
Turgid pacing in the first half nearly kills this sci-fi outing. An acceptable second half, with truly beautiful visuals, is still not quite strong enough to be worth waiting for.…
Dollface [tv series]
As Kat Dennings's likeability is to Jay Baruchel's, and Los Angeles is to Vancouver, so is Dollface to Man Seeking Woman. Which is to say, it's pretty good, entertaining enough.
The Devil Wears Prada
Had opportunity to re-watch this, and you know, I like this movie. Not sure what I can say that hasn't already been said. Meryl Streep in an iconic performance she…
Carriers
Chris Pine and Piper Perabo in an alright post-viral-apocalyptic road pic where everybody who's not in hazmat suits is gorgeous, if you like post-viral-apocalyptic road pics or Chris Pine or…
47 Meters Down
Basically, "Open Water" but on the ocean floor instead of the surface, and without Open Water's hints of artistry, but it's still well done enough to pass muster if this…
Melvin Goes To Dinner
First-time director Bob Odenkirk loads this calculatedly "relatable" movie with shaky, out-of-focus handheld camerawork; "artistic" effects like illustrating a character telling an anecdote with a flashback consisting only of still…
The Blackcoat’s Daughter
Emma Roberts and Kiernan Shipka in a movie so slow and boring that it slid right past my brain. Something about a girl stuck in a boarding school over recess…
Between The Trees
For a shitty, poorly-written, poorly-acted "to-dimensional he-man hunters besieged by rednecks and/or monsters at a cabin in the remote woods" flick, actually, not that bad. It's paced and shot like…
The Young Offenders
Charming, amusing northern Irish neo-noir comedy about two laddish 15 year old bike thieves chasing after a rumored lost bale of cocaine and the odd cops, robbers, and local characters…
Cave
Ok thriller, looks like a horror movie but no monsters or supernatural. Three people go cave diving, mild jealousy and murder ensue. I think it's Danish or something, the audio…
Mom And Dad
Somewhere in the great purgatory of "also-rans" and "very near misses", "Mom And Dad" surely occupies a place of honor. A somewhat spectacular role-reversal play on how kids become strangers…
Man Vs
Pretty decent entry in the "man realizes he's not alone in the remote woods" category. No more cliched than the story requires, which is nice, and especially refreshingly centers on…
Amityville Horror (remake)
Execrable. Seems like a probable attempt to invent a "mythology" that could be spun off into 14 sequels, but nobody is that stupid.
The Monster Of Mangatiti
Hoooooo. Rough one. Thought it was a "based on a true story" horror movie, but it was closer to a documentary, with the real-life victim of a horrific 23-week captivity…