Pledge
Surprisingly not bad for what it is. Nerdy guys are invited to pledge a frat, the hazing turns into captivity/torture porn. But, on the best end of that. I actually…
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Latest "Movie Reviews" files
Pledge
The Shrine
Gorgeous journalists investigating the disappearance of an American in a remote polish village find a demonic shrine in a mysterious fog patch in the woods, spend the rest of the…
The Gallows Act II
Some nonsense about a high school actress who looks like Julia Teal, this girl I once met, and who is haunted by a meme, or something. She reads a haunted…
The Congress
Robin Wright in a 1/3-live action, 2/3-animated film about, um, I'm not really sure. Something about actors being digitized, and then about people taking chemicals made by the movie studios…
Cam
Madeline Brewer, who always seems to pick at least faintly interesting projects, in what could easily have been a slightly titillating Black Mirror episode, as a cam girl who finds…
Haunt
A group of teenagers are victimized in an "extreme haunt" amusement. Couldn't sound worse, right? Surprise! This film doesn't aim very high, and thereby it succeeds where few do, by…
The Amazing Johnathan Documentary
Starts out as a documentary about a complicated performer, and turns into a documentary about the complications of making a documentary about a complicated performer. Good, and the events that…
“Into The Dark” The Body (2018)
A hitman transporting a body on Halloween is mistaken for a partygoer in a Halloween costume. 20somethings wind up with the body and he wants it back. Truthfully, this movie…
The Lodge
Boy, what to say about this. Father says he wants a divorce, mom blows her brains out, six months later father brings kids & new fiance up to his remove…
Masterminds
Comedy based on real-life armored car heist caper. Zack Galiafinakis, Owen Wilson, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Jason Sudeikis, Sharon Jones, Joe Lo Truglio, and many more. With that many big…
The Windmill
Unknowning damned souls board a tourist bus in Holland that strands them by a windmill where the spirit of an ancient miller drags them to hell. 2010's version of the…
Testament
Harrowing and timeless 1983 realist family drama of postnuclear survival. Among my faves of this narrow genre (that being realist postapocaliptic films that are worth watching), along with the equally…
Out Of The Dark
Julia Stiles and husband move to South America and encounter some sort of ancient supernatural tradition claptrap surrounding their young daughter. Paced like a political thriller. Political thrillers aren't scary.
Haunter
Not sure why this movie isn't better known. The ghost of a murdered girl, trapped in the day of her death in the 80s, learns to travel backwards and forward…
Condemned
Maybe the only shitty, no-budget Troma-studios-level bad indie gore flick I've ever truly enjoyed. An abandoned building full of junkies and lunatic squats comes down with a psycho virus and…
Curve
as close to being a good movie as captivity/torture porn ever gets. Women menaced by hitchhiker drives car of edge of highway, becomes trapped inside for days as he periodically…
After Midnight
Set in a strange alternate reality where remote southern swamps are entirely populated by Brooklyn hipsters with trilby hats and bicep tattoos, this short's-worth-of-plot-stretched-to-feature-length shows a hipster couple living in…
Acedia
strange, poorly acted, poorly made, very cheap-looking, amateurish film using only natural light and almost no special effects, yet manages to maintain a good rhythm and convey consistent enough very…
Blood
WOW. Won film festival prizes. Tarkovsky meets Cronenberg. Very slow moving, horror without scares. Focuses on characters, 70's-ish in the same way Beyond The Black Rainbow was. Scientist finally finds…
As Above, So Below
Archaeologist looks for the Philosopher's Stone in forbidden parts of the Paris catacombs, finds something much worse than expected, in this rare non-execrable "found footage" film.. 10% Raiders Or The…
The Vigil
An orthodox Jew who's left the strict denomination is asked to sit vigil overnight in the Brooklyn home of a deceased congregant, in keeping with orthodox tradition. There's a demon…
We Have To Do Something
Totally improbable family takes refuge in a bathroom during a thunderstorm and improbably becomes trapped, as more and more improbable things happen. I don't think I've ever seen a movie…
Hideaway
Well, I wondered what a horror movie with Jeff Goldblum and Alicia Silverstone might be like. This seems like a TV movie. A near-death experience psychically links Goldblum with teen…
The LIttle Hours
Charming pic based on a tale from the Decameron. Medeival nunnery with Aubrey Plaza, that little girl from Garfunkel & Oates, Alison Brie, John C. Reilly all dressed in medieval…
Knives And Skin
Sort of like what you'd get if you hired David Lynch to do an afterschool special. Seemed like an ordinary teen drama, but got weird and mannered. There's a plot,…
The School
Strange, seems like a BBC production. Someone described it as "The Goonies meets Silent Hill", which seems about right. Campy and melodramatic, kind of feels like the '70s Dr Who…
The Wretched
Actually, not a bad teen screamer, in some ways, although I do wish the trend of naming horror movies by coming up with a "horror" adjective that has nothing to…
Into The Dark “New Year, New You”
Another Hulu "Into The Dark" installment. Murder porn. Four Twenty-something high school friends have a reunion in their old house for New Years, when old grudges resurface and things turn…
Don’t Knock Twice
What promises to be a total crap thriller about a young girl being pursued by a supernatural force after a "Bloody Mary"-type teenagers-foolishly-test-a-superstition-that-turns-out-to-be-true incident actually turns out to be a…
The Immaculate Room
contrived set piece in which a young, insecure couple agrees to stay in an empty white room for 50 days for $5,000,000. Guess whether they last or not. Hint: in…