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Movie Reviews » "Found Footage" crap

Moth

Absolutely dreadfully boring first person shooter. Two people spend half the movie driving around doing nothing, then they spend half the movie running through the woods and arguing. And that's really it. They talk and yell and run and nothing else happens. It's not even"found footage horror"any more. They might as well make a found footage movie of paint drying.
Movie Reviews » Bad but I liked it

Mustang Sally’s Horror House

A true aberration, the rare"so bad it's good"movie I enjoyed. This thoroughly"USA Up All Nite"-level fare about a bunch of frat boys who go to a bordello and are killed one-by-one by the ladies is, well, thoroughly"USA Up All Nite"-level fare, from start to finish. It doesn't really try too hard, and plays like something made in about 1972. These movies, you know, they remind me of my shiftless year or two right after college, working a shit admin assistant job by day and smoking weed and watching"USA Up All Nite"every weekend. Hard not to feel a little affection for a movie that evokes that this well. I'd never recommend anybody watch it, but I may again, if there's nothing else on someday. Suprisingly, this is from 2006. I would have given it no later than 1992 at the absolute latest, and probably earlier.
Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

The Signal (2007) [second viewing]

As described in my last review, compilation of three interwoven short tales, revolving around a broadcast signal driving people insane. I like this one a lot, very well done. (Note: there's another 2014 horror movie called"The Signal"that isn't nearly as good.) I just recently, 10 or 15 years after it had faded to a distant memory of a film Ihad especially enjoyed, popped back up on Tubi (which, among the seemingly thousands of awful horror films it gets, seems to also manage to get these distantly-remembered, hard-to-find favorites.) I remember why I liked it. It's gorier than I remember, and, I don't know, I can't say it's exactly a great movie, but it seriously well done for what it is and the kind of gem I would say non-horror fans shouldn't go out of their way to see, but, every horror fan should see it. As noted elsewhere, the first of the three episodes, directed by the guy who went on to do"The Ritual"and a bunch of better stuff I noted in my review of that film, is the best of the three, very effectively ratcheting up the suspense. The rest is nearly as good though. The second two rely a little bit on camp humor, not my favorite thing, but it's strong enough all the way through to pull off this off-kilter and gory end-of-humanity tale. Also, never realized unti now, the female lead was also one of the leads in"YellowBrickRoad"another favorite deep cut.
Movie Reviews » Bad but I liked it

Bug (1975)

THIS IS IT! You found it-the one, the only BUG, the single greatest cinematic achievement not just in the admittedly crowded field of mid-20th-century apocalyptic giant insect scifi horror film, nor even just in the scifi or horror film genres, but in human motion picture history writ large, itself. The unrelenting cinematic greatness that this movie doles out in heaping helpings upon your uncomprehending cerebellum-line after line, minute after minute, scene after scene, shrieking burning head explosion after shrieking burning head explosion, without pause, from the opening preacher's sermon to the closing descent into the stygian bowels of the earth itself-simply cannot be adequately conveyed within the constraints of this forum. It must be experienced firsthand.The mere fact that this is one of the very few opportunities in American cinema to see a woman's head get set on fire in the Brady Bunch kitchen would likely be among the chief draws of any more ordinary film it might appear in. But this is no ordinary film, and even something that would obviously be the highlight of most movie-goers' entire seasons is here only the very most trivial, the most trifling beginning to the veritable cavalcade of entertainments bestowed upon the lucky viewer of this inestimable apotheosis of thrilling visual storytelling.To say any more would both unfairly rob the viewer of the opportunity to fully experience the unfolding of this stunning film firsthand, and, necessarily fall short in the effort, because words simply can not suffice.Bug. There is no substitute, no other film experience that can compare. On the rarified mountaintop of cinematic achievement, Bug stands alone.If you disagree with a single word of this review, you should know it was written by my 7-year-old self. And my 7-year-old self knows a BUTTLOAD about movies. You are not likely to convince him he's wrong.As of this writing,"Bug"is, happily, currently streaming on Netflix, and the world feels just that much more right.
Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

ReSet

Ok, so starts, and proceeds through the first half as amusingly terrible take on the Groundhog Day trope. Girl is abducted from a party by an"incel"-stereotype stalker, wakes up in his guest room every time he kills her, after a brief trip to heaven to see her dead grandfather who encourages her along. I'm seriously unsure if this is meant to be a comedy or not. But then, it starts getting into character development, actually spends a little time talking than showing action, finally showing an almost sympathetic side the villain... almost. And the heroine comes off, despite everything she does being justified by everything she's been put through, slightly cruel. All in all, after a really terrible start, I'd almost say this could be chalked up as an"interesting failure"of the kind I might rewatch occasionally. If the first half had been as good as the second half, it would have been.
Movie Reviews » Turned it off

Quadrant

I think this might be a TV show. Seems like it was filmed on video. A girl does VR experiements where she seduces and kills women, then does it in real life. I turned it off halfway though.
Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

The Whisperer In Darkness

Ok, this one is special, I think we have an honorable mention here. A folklorist investigates tales of strange creatures appearing in Vermont. When I threw this on, I was suprised to discover it was an old horror movie, not a new one, and nearly turned it off, but thankfully I didn't. Within just a few minutes I found myself thinking that I'd forgotten just how visually beautiful some of those old black and white movies are... similar to some of those John Ford westerns. It was quite a ways into it before I realized something was a little too clean—by the end of the movie I realized that certain lighting revealed that there was no film grain. Which makes sense, because the movie was actually made in 2011. But other than that, WOW, the 1930s reproduction is note-perfect, the acting style, the costumes, the special effects, most definitely the lighting... somebody involved with the making of this film had a spectacularly good eye for black-and-white cinematography, it's just beautiful and would probably have stood out as a great example of vintage cinematography if it had actually been vintage. The story is not great but absolutely good, it builds as effectively as some of the great vintage horror, and the plot ticks along, nothing about it sags at any point from start to finish. There's clearly some modern special effects used but for the most part they're effectively disguised to look like 1930s technology, and mostly the whole thing works. The monsters are a little cheezy but by the time you see them I was so into it that I didn't care. This film really caught my attention, there were a few times I had to rewind to see things a second time. Plus, a dark ending, much more Lovecraft than Hollywood, even though only the first two acts are actually from the Lovecraft story this is based on. Very nice work from an indie director. Not quite a great film, but definitely a treat, from where I sit, for sure. Quality entertainment. Incidentally I notice this one gets high marks from a lot of Lovecraft fans in the review section on IMDB.
Movie Reviews » Favorite

Network

This is my favorite movie, full stop.

I love this movie so much, am so close to it, I don't know what to say. It's like trying to write a summary of a beloved life-long friend.

This movie about the intersection of power, economics, and media, explored through a tale about the mental breakdown of a news anchor and the paradox of his resulting rise in ratings. It predicted, in 1976, so many things that we didn't see in reality until much later: the forces of economic globalization, the rise of "reality television", the commercial subversion of TV news (still, it may be hard to remember now, valued as a source of objective information at the time) from a reporting concern into a driver of profits and propaganda outlet—and takes them all to a ridiculous extreme, plus, casts a woman in the role of a cutthroat executive, something my…

Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

Kalacakra – Crawling To Lhasa (Progressive/Post-Rock, 1972)

I've had a real soft spot for this obscure German epic since discovering it on some pirate music server decades ago. It might even have come from a Hotline server, it's been that long.

I suppose this album is considered by some to be psychedelia—and with the driving acoustic guitar acoustic guitar and Indian instruments, you can practically hear bell bottoms flapping in the breeze—or even krautrock due to its drawn-out, linear and insistent nature. But, besides the facts that krautrock was never this patchouli-scented, and that this came out in 1972 where psychedelia had been deader than a doornail for several years everywhere except Turkey, stylistically I consider "Crawling To Lhasa" to be less like those and closer in spirit, and even perhaps a direct acoustic precursor to, something like Magma's 1973 "Mekanïk Destruktïẁ Kommandöh". Like MDW, this album is almost just a single long rock raga, and…

Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

Charles Mingus – Let My Children Hear Music (jazz, 1972)

Ornate, complex, breathtaking.

I was eating lunch in a sandwich joint up in Northbeach when I noticed the background music. Complex swing jazz compositions that would pivot off into jagged, squawking atonal horn stabs, momentarily droop into impressionistic piano melodies, or suddenly stop on a dime and pivot into classical-sounding passages before soon veering back. I had to ask the waiter what it was.

I feel like this is one of those albums that *had* to exist. It was out there somewhere, waiting, until Mingus discovered it and brought it to us. There's parts of it that are conventional—at least to the extent that Mingus's genius could be conventional—but as a whole, nothing else is quite like it.

I later read that Mingus considered this his best album. It makes sense. It's a real showstopper.

Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

Luther Wright And The Wrongs – Rebuild The Wall (bluegrass, 2001)

Now, here we have a treat. I found this album at Amoeba Music... a spoof of the album cover of Pink Floyd's "The Wall", with hay bales instead of bricks, made me too curious to pass it up. The sticker on the CD said, if memory serves, "For 20 years, a great bluegrass album was trapped inside a great rock & roll album. We set it free."

This works FAR better than it should, and—despite some occasional hokey drawled vocals that tax my suspension of disbelief—is a 100% enjoyable, if wholly improbable, reimagining of "The Wall" from start to finish, which absolutely succeeds as an extremely listenable bluegrass album.

Next time Luther Wright and The Wrongs toured, I was lucky to see them play at a very small club near me. I introduced myself to Luther after the show and he proved to be one of the most personable guys…

Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

The Nerve Meter – Poison Pen (rock/pop, 2002)

I'm going to try not to include too many albums for which no video is available, but this one is a favorite and deserves a mention.

One night in the late '90s I fell asleep listening to local radio. I was woken up a short time later by a live-in-the-studio set of very impressive smart, quirky pop. My instinct is to compare them to The Cars, who they sounded nothing like, but are reminiscent of in terms of quirky, intelligent pop songwriting with catchy melodies and great hooks. I had to know who it was, and as soon as the set ended and something else came on I called the radio station to ask. The DJ answered, I told him I loved it and needed to know what the hell I had just woken up to, and he told the band—the end of the conversation I heard went like this:…

Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

Sonny Smith – Who’s The Monster… You or Me? (hip-hop, 2000)

An old GOAT (Girlfriend Onceupon A Time) who I dated for three weeks had this charming gem on cassette taped off a friend. Sonny Smith played around the Bay Area for a long time. Whether he's still playing, I don't know. You won't find a single video from this wonderful album online, although it turns up used on eBay and Amazon. That's the only way you'll hear it, other than coming to my house. My favorite song, "Let Me Be Your Baseball Player", as of this writing, ois, according to Google, only mentioned once on the entire internet. (It could be me, though... this has been happening to me a lot lately... it also just happened with "hoosemanacka".)

I went to see Sonny in San Francisco's Make Out Room in 2002 or 3. I chatted with my ex-roommate at the bar waited for the uninteresting Bob Dylan wannabe to finish…

Movie Reviews » Favorite

J. S. Bach – Trio Organ Sonatas, performed by Wolfgang Rübsam (classical)

The Trio Organ Sonatas not among Bach's more popular works. He wrote them as homework practice for his son, Willhelm Friedemann Bach, sometime in the late 1720s. This recording was released on the ultra-cheap Naxos label, famous for releasing not particularly noteworthy classical recordings on cassette for like $3. All my classically trained friends, back when I still hung out with disreputable classical musicians, looked down their noses at it.

This is one of my favorite albums, full stop. Like it or don't. I'm not going to try to defend it.  I've heard other recordings of the Trio Organ Sonatas; there is none that I like as much. Something about this one is like magic: independent melody lines—played one with each hand and one with the organist's feet on the pedals—pulse and snake, laugh and skip and dance around each other as if they have a life of their own.…

Movie Reviews » Favorite

Mike Oldfield – Hergest Ridge (progressive/symphonic rock, 1974)

Probably one of my top three favorite albums of all time. Mike Oldfield, stylistically and melodically my favorite guitarist of all time, has had decades-long success in Europe but never became widely known in America. He's best known here for his debut, "Tubular Bells", a truly strange and wonderful 45-minute instrumental recorded, incredibly, when he was 19 years old, and well-known for later being used as the creepy theme music to "The Exorcist", although it was not written as a soundtrack.

I do love the "Tubular Bells", but to me, "Hergest Ridge" is his quiet masterpiece. A very unusual instrumental tapestry of droning textures and odd but beautiful melodies, on which he played something like 18 rock and orchestral instruments himself, including numerous layers of quiet and highly processed electric guitars, and, just, one of those things that's hard to explain in words. It was written when he lived in…

Movie Reviews » Favorite

Gryphon – Red Queen To Gryphon Three (progressive/symphonic rock, 1974)

Ah, my beloved "Red Queen To Gryphon Three". A singular all-instrumental album, reminiscent of the proggiest of prog rock, if only it had been invented in a parallel world where the popular music of the 1970s wasn't dominated by electric instruments. Formed by classically trained students of England's Royal College of Music, Gryphon was originally an erudite folk act playing renaissance music, and moved into prog rock without losing the flavor. Acoustic and orchestral instruments abound... there's still enough touches of electric guitar, organ and synthesizer to qualify it as rock, but it's just wonderfully full of acoustic guitar, english horn, recorder, etc., all played with formally-trained expertise. If, like Gene, you don't like prog rock, you will hate it, but fans of the folkier side of prog (Jethro Tull, Mike Oldfield's quieter moments, Steeleye Span) you should love it. I adore it.

Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

Rotary Connection – Rotary Connection (psychedelia, 1967)

Kind of an odd gem. This act was put together by Chess Records in 1967 as part of an effort to expand from their classic blues catalog into psychedelia, and features, floating ethereally in the background, a pre-fame Minnie Riperton (later known best for "Loving You") adding coloratura from the top of her 5-octave range, as well as the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, not quite slumming it with some of the better pop orchestrations I've heard from that period. Distorted organ, fuzztone guitar, harpsichords, and sitars, you know the drill.

Mostly creative psychedelic covers of well-known songs, this album succeeds where a lot of similar efforts failed, by virtue of the overall talent of the people involved, and the imaginativeness they weren't afraid to embrace. I never would have guessed that Sam and Dave's "Soul Man" could work as an shaggy psychedelic chamber-rock freakout, but they pull it off, along with…

Movie Reviews » Honorable Mention

Resolution

Score one for AI. This small indie film has haunted me for years, as I forgot to review it when I watched it, until tonight I typed one image I vividly remembered as well as a few other details into ChatGPT and asked what film it was from, and after one wildly wrong try, it got it right.

This is a small indie horror flick that stuck with me just for being really weird. A man meets his drug addict friend out at a remote cabin the friend is squatting in, and chains the friend up, forcing him to spend a week going cold turkey. Strange encounters with other drug addicts, local security, and a team of foreign researchers there doing psychedelics begin to occur and they find films and videos that change with each viewing, and what is initially assumed to be haunted land turns out to be…

Movie Reviews » Favorite

Breaking The Waves

My favorite film by my favorite director.

Wait, ok. A little virtue-signalling never hurt anyone, so I'll point out: From everything I've read and seen, director Lars von Trier seems to me like kind of a disturbed or unbalanced individual, very likely a misogynist, misanthrope, almost definitely a narcissist, and probably personally an all-around malignant asshole. And also, I think, easily the most talented filmmaker of the last few decades. Not since Herzog or Tarkovsky have I seen someone who just struck me as so adept in the language of filmmaking, such a natural talent.

Breaking The Waves is a straight drama. Set on a remote Scottish island, where an American there working on an oil right has fallen in love with a local, who is a member of the island's ultra-religious church. They marry, when he is injured in an explosion on the rig, and their relationship takes…

Movie Reviews » Favorite

Let The Right One In (2008 Swedish film)

I consider this film about a young boy who forms a friendship with centuries-old vampire who looks like a 12-year-old girl to be maybe one of the top 10 horror movies ever. This is one of those films like The Exorcist, The Omen, or The Shining where a talented director took on supernatural material, and made, not just a great horror movie, but a great movie, along the way telling a brand new story about familiar monsters without relying on cliche. (It may also be that three of the four movies mentioned were based on acclaimed novels.)

It was originally recommended that I watch this with the original swedish soundtrack and English subtitles, and not use the terrible English audio overdubbing job, and though I don't like subtitled movies in this case it proved to be good advice.

Two years later the novel was remade for American audience and…

Movie Reviews » Favorite

The Last Man On Earth (1964 movie)

I can't say this obscure 1964 Vincent Price is a truly great movie but it will always have a very special place in my heart. Unlike some of my most esteemed favorites, I wouldn't say it's can't-miss, but at one point Price himself said this was his favorite of all his movies, and George Romero openly cited it as the direct inspiration for founding father of the zombie genre "Night Of The Living Dead" (bet you didn't know there was a "founding grandfather" movie of that genre. "The Last Man On Earth" made it alllllll possible.)

This was based loosely on the 1954 novel "I Am Legend" by Richard Matheson. That's the same "I Am Legend" that "The Omega Man" (with Charlton Heston) and Will Smith's much later action movie were based on.

(This is worth a side note here: Richard Matheson's is a name anyone with more than…

Movie Reviews » Favorite

Ex Machina

I adore this movie. Well done, old-school humanist, character-driven sci fi. There's like three characters in the whole movie, a lot of talk and very little action, qualities some other quiet "thrillers" I'm particularly fond of (such as The Vast Of Night and The Invitation) share, when they're well-made enough to carry it along on that.

In this, a programmer wins a chance to spend a few days with the reclusive head of his company in his isolated retreat, where it turns out he has built an artificial (and, in some lovely FX work, visually clearly robotic, except for the face) woman. The programmer has been called there to interact with her and determine whether he feels she is genuinely conscious and intelligent. That short synopsis doesn't really do it justice, but to say more would be to rob anyone reading of the experience…

Movie Reviews » Favorite

Nathan For You [tv show]

A huge favorite of mine. Nathan Fielder is a "business expert" who comes up with hilarious, incredibly ludicrous, far-fetched ideas to save struggling businesses in this unscripted, quasi-"reality" show.

Just one example off the top of my head: a struggling appliance store is being run out of business by a nearby major chain store. When the chain store advertises that they'll match any advertised price, Fielder advises the appliance store owner to start advertising a certain TV for $1. Then, he'll send people over to buy out that TV from the chain store for $1, and when they're out of stock, his client can raise the price again and resell them in his own store for full price, a 100% profit.

In the kind of complication the show specialized in, somebody noticed that if he advertised the TV for $1, someone might come in and try to buy it for…

Movie Reviews » Canadian

Man Seeking Woman [tv show]

I loved this show.

Jay Baruchel, Eric Andre, and the ridiculously likable Britt Lower in a magical-realist take on dating. If you've ever gone to a party and discovered your recent ex is there with her new boyfriend, and, he's literally Adolph Hitler, and, everyone at the party likes him more than you... then you should be able to relate to this.

It had all the monsters and magic of dating made literal, and, played them with a completely straight face. It was three seasons of deadpan humor, mixed with surreal, sci-fi, and fantasy elements. And I enjoyed it immensely.

Movie Reviews » Favorite

Touching The Void

What can I say about "Touching The Void"? I'm a sucker for a good survival story, and "Touching The Void" is one of the best of them. It's a true story, the film interspersing dramatizations of real events with interviews with the actual survivors, which is a tactic I ordinarily don't like very much but here is applied to such an incredible true tale that I have no problem with it.

Two mountaineers are climbing in the remote Andes, thirteen miles over rough glacial moraine from their remote base camp, when a storm sets in. Tethered together by a rope, one slips, and dangles over a sheer cliff, suspended hundreds of feet in the air. The other climber, unable to gain secure enough footing to pull him back up, is instead slowly being pulled down towards the edge by the weight. Knowing that if he goes over they will…

Movie Reviews

Isolation (2011)

Med student wakes up in a hospital room with no memory of how she got there. Somewhat entertaining thriller, especially because it goes further in depth into the villain, and continues the plot past the obvious "easy" endpoint, than most movies of this type.

Movie Reviews

Reservation Dogs [tv series]

A personal favorite. How are more people not talking about this? Sensitive, well-written, and dryly absurd magical realist character study of the lives of a couple of kids and the people they know on an Oklahoma Indian reservation. Ordinary and extremely believable comings and goings of life on the rez are interspersed with visits from the cloven-hoofed Deer Lady or visions of awkwardly stereotypical Hollywood Indian spirit guides giving advice between war whoops. I love, love, love this show.

Movie Reviews

Don’t Listen

Halfway decent Spanish haunted house flick (with overdubs). Family moves into isolated house, son dies, EVPs, spectral visitations, ghost hunters with electronics, labyrinth discovered in basement. But, actually pretty good for such well-trodden subject matter, at least it's well-made and well-acted all the way through. Probably would be an ok date movie.

Movie Reviews

Empire (series)

This is kind of a masterpiece of crap television. First off, the cast is stellar, the acting is superb. Beyond that? Garbage. I expected a drama, but this is straight melodrama, just a soap opera. It's like Dynasty meets Glee's hip-hop kid sister. As glossy and expertly produced as it is empty and unbelievable. The Glee-style over-autotuned, overcompressed vocals in the frequent musical numbers sums it all up.