Archives: Movie Reviews

Mountain bikers go on a trip to Chile, and spend half the movie just being douchebags, then encounter the local criminal element and get victimized and pursued through the woods for the next 1/3 of the movie, before the last half of the third act when they finally start the action and the cool monsters and supernatural stuff. Captivity/pursuit flick, the kind of movie where a lot of the audio is just people screaming or whimpering, and would be kind of a good one if they hadn't waited until the last 15 minutes of the movie to get interesting. Had kind of "Cannibal Holocaust" exploitation-flick-in-the-jungle feel once it finally got going, but the 85% of the movie where you're waiting for that was just tedious. Filmmakers gotta learn, you can't just pile on a bunch of cool shit at the very end.

Couple stuck in a cabin surrounded by a zombie hoard. Gritty, intense production, which is nice, but other than that fairly run-of-the-mill.

Just-slightly-better-than-mediocre horror thriller about a man who comes under the control of a mad scientist who tries to "help" him control his drinking by taking over his body and forcing him to kill people every time he gets drunk.

Ok, so, the big final blowout between Jamie Lee Curtis and Michael Myers. It had to be BIG. And obviously they tried to make it good. It's a well-made movie, for sure.

But, it's Halloween. It's still a slasher flick. The world's best slasher flick is still just a slasher flick. And after The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, who needs another slasher flick?

Nicely-shot but tough-to-believe thriller about a gorgeous city family moving to rural New England, having problems with the crusty locals and maybe hallucinating a little bit. Kind of a stinker. Seemingly venomously panned in reviews, but I didn't think it was *that* bad, it just wasn't very good.

The first 42 minutes of this ostensible sci-fi movie are a high-concept voiceover intro about aliens needing to test AI to mine gold on earth, and then people individually waking up in an abandoned futuristic medical facility and wandering around it and encountering occasional jumps scares from a cat.

That's it.

I don't know if there's any more than that because I turned it off then. There was still an hour left to the movie. I didn't want to see it.

Indie flick. Billed as sci-fi but I didn't see that. Drug addicts or something. I couldn't follow it.

Nicely shot but very pretentious and tediously slow movie about a family falling apart. Oh, yeah, maybe the last 30 minutes are a horror movie.

A stressed woman goes to a coworkers secluded vacation home and her ex-boyfriend terrorizes her. Fairly by the numbers except there's a single time-loopy "twist" that doesn't even actually affect the outcome of the story, it's just there to be cool, I guess. Fairly well made but a little too predictable by the time it gets to the end, and, well, basically, it's a movie about a woman being terrorized. Doesn't rise above the pack like a movie about that trope needs to.

Rather violent but somewhat OK captivity/pursuit thriller. A couple goes to their marriage counselor's remote cabin in the woods to work through their grief at their young daughter's disappearance, but all is not as it seems. Vaguely watchable, in that nothing about it sucks too terribly badly, if you for some reason find this kind of plotline appealing. Nothing memorable about it, either.