As hackneyed and unfunny as a sitcom can be. Chris D'Elia, who, despite whatever else may be said about him, is at least often a funny actor, is absolutely wasted in this. Turned it off during the third episode. I'm not sitting through 9 more episodes of this.
Gritty fantasy show based on a Nail Gaiman about ancient gods fighting it out in modern-day American with the "new gods" of commercialism and technology. A very strong start to this Bryan Fuller adaptation, including a smattering of topnotch actors and some really well-cast cameos, disappointingly doesn't pan out as the season wears on. Never worse than good, the show nonetheless loses the first few episodes' tight plotting and gritty tone, gets talkier and more meandering, as what I hoped would be a tight miniseries turns out to be an ongoing series and kind of loses momentum. Tubi's run frustratingly only includes season 1 for now, ending on a cliffhanger, and worse, I understand Bryan Fuller left after that season and subsequent seasons aren't as positively reviewed. Color me all around kind of disappointed. It started really strong. If this had been a solid 6 or maybe 8 episodes of…
Gritty (for Hollywood) tale of a day in the life of speed freaks. I suppose this movie is alright. Despite being cast full of actors I don't like much (Jason Schwartzman, John Leguizamo, Brittany Murphy, Mickey Rourke) it pretty much catches them all at their relative best, doing a pretty good job at bringing full lives to the kind of sketchy characters we've all seen out of the corner of our eyes once in a while, and mostly avoided interacting with. The Hollywood attempt at "gritty" is better than most such. Also, short cameos from the always disturbing Peter Stormare and Debby Harry as a tough-as-nails lesbian liven things up.
I watched this once before, long ago, and recalled liking it, and though it's up and down I came out of it once again thinking I kinda liked it.
Another in a long line of "first contact" films that owe a debt to "2001: A Space Odyssey", but a decent entry in the arena. A lone astronaut on a 10-year-mission to find what's been broadcasting mysterious signals from Neptune. Not bad, it was an alright watch even if conceptually a touch derivative.
Amusingly, "Neptune" appears to have been filmed at Pyramid Lake.
Swing and a miss. A random man is picked to represent Earth before a tribunal of aliens evaluating whether to destroy it. Better-made than I expected, but, the first half hour is just standard divorced-dad-tries-relate-to-his-teen-daughter family drama, which goes on a little too long, until he is finally abducted from a comping trip, after which, literally everything goes on much too long. This is much too talky to be considered sci-fi, but it's not interesting talk. It's just turgid "dramatic" galactic chuffery like a Marvel Comics writer might have written for some cosmic saga, except, without the punchy succinctness. It just goes on, and on, and on, and on... you can't care about anything because nothing ever happens to care about without the characters talking for so long that you lose interest. And then, when the main plot is over, the movie continues another half hour, with him home on…
Odd, fun little sci-fi/light comedy about an alien landing in an old man's flower garden in Pennsyvania. Ben Kingsley, Jane Curtin, and Harriet Sansom Harris, still a heavy hitter in sci-fi over 30 years after she freaked us out on the X-Files episode "Eve", play a bunch of old coots who nobody listens to, caring for a space visitor who doesn't talk but manages to express some strange things he needs to get his craft off the ground again. Pretty well done, pleasantly quirky, and a fun watch. I liked it.
A bunch of kids on their way to a music festival are trapped when there RV breaks down on a wooded stretch of road, a bunch of random hallucinatory things happen that kill them one by one, and no explanation is ever given. Great.
TV-movie-of-the-week-quality thriller about a psycho babysitter bent on tormenting a family.
Subpar, but not awful, horror thriller. Mute adopted girl harbors a horrible secret that possesses her mother. It's her psychotic twin who she ingested in the womb. Don't worry, I didn't really ruin anything for you.
A talky, overlong mocumentary about a "haunted object" research team that encounters a strange wooden effigy that seems to possess supernatural powers. I feel bad slagging it off, because it's not terrible, but it's a whole "horror" movie of nothing people talking about a scary thing, rather than showing scary things. At 90 minutes, it feels like about 3 hours long.
A montage of late-night channel surfing slowly reveals a story involving aliens, a horror filmmaker's mysterious unfinished film, a haunted videotape, and a local outbreak of violence. Told entirely as clips of flipping though channels in a fairly convincing recreation of flipping through late night broadcast TV channels, but the execution doesn't really work in an engaging way. Felissa Rose is in this, if that tells you anything.
A phallic/fecal-looking parasite that causes uncontrollable, violent sexual urges spreads throughout an exclusive apartment complex. How's that for an opener?
I just can't be objective about early David Cronenberg. I've always had a lot of affection for Cronenberg as a director, and although the low production values and camp story here play like early John Waters directing a gore film, or like George Romero making a movie about horny urbanites instead of zombies... I'm not going to say anything worse than that about it. And, you know, early John Waters has its points, too.
And, I think, to me, even though this isn't the best of Cronenberg's early films (cf. "The Brood", which unfathomably isn't on Tubi), you can still see occasional signs of talent. There's some disturbing imagery to be seen here, and that's what we come to horror movies for, right?
This unnecessary but not-completely-dreadful sequel keeps a lot of the visual style of "30 Days Of Night"—a movie I'm pretty fond of—so it scores points by me for that. This moves the action first to a gritty, dark Los Angeles, and then onto a gritty, dark vampire-filled ship bound for another hapless small town in Alaska, as the vampires have spread nationwide and a small band of gorgeous, tough-as-nails humans fights a losing battle to kill as many of them as they can.
Whereas the original leaned horror, this is more of an action movie, although with heavy duty supernatural elements. This is basically a "horror movie" in the same way "Predator" is a "science fiction" movie. IE, it's not, it's just dressed up like one, although the costume is pretty good.
But, you know, it's fairly well directed, even if there's not a whole lot to the story…
Surprisingly fun horror about a young girl who takes a spider from space as a pet, which causes problems as it grows. Starts off with a "Goonies"-type "kid movie" vibe but actually turned out to be alright horror, slightly above average. Fun, at least. I liked it.
Young woman decorating a house to flip it falls for her designer. LGBT romance movie turns out to be a supernatural Christmas movie.
Turgid folk thriller. A paranoid, controlling woman and her daughter live in a remote cabin. Strangers show up with the same tattoo on their necks as the mother. Drama ensues.
I thought the first Saw was interesting, not great but good. I lasted maybe 20 minutes of this. It's just violence as entertainment... like, essentially gladiator games, except, it's supposed to be cool because its twisted. Great. Never done it for me.
I'm sure this seemed like a cool idea at the time—the inner dialogue of a delusional scientist tormented by sounds only he can hear, as he slowly goes insane and finally, with 10 minutes left in this 95 minute picture, kills a few people and them himself (seems like there's a lot of that going on in indie horror movies).
It's not that badly made, but 95 minutes of someone's inner dialogue about science trivia and "deep" thoughts, with 10 minutes of actual at the end, is not a good feature film, and definitely not a horror movie. This could have been a 20 minute short.
Overwrought indie pic, filmed in black and white for extra artsiness, about an agoraphobic man who sits around his apartment obsessing over an actress. Of course, he eventually kills someone and then himself that way, or so I gathered from the closing narration, because I'd lost interest long before then.
Adam Sandler—get this—talks in a stupid affected voice! Hilarious, right?
Actually, if not for him, and the fortunately mostly very short cameos of every single painfully unfunny person from about 15 years of SNL from Dana Carvey to Jon Lovitz to Kevin Nealon to Rob Schneider to even a namecheck for Chris Farley, this was cute enough, not as absolutely stupid as most things he's been involved with. And, I mean, it's got Harvey Keitel hamming it up as the devil, which is fun. Probably the best Adam Sandler movie I've seen, although that's an abysmally low bar. If not for the stupid voice, it actually would be almost watchable. (But if he couldn't do a stupid voice, I guess he'd have had to act.)
This came on as autoplay after a Will Ferrell movie, and right after this Tubi tried to autoplay a David Spade movie, and I drew…
The still-inexplicably-famous Will Ferrell does his usual job of unfunnily hamming it up, in this case sucking the talent out of a pretty star-studded cast of extras in this period farce.
Reasonably agreeable redemptive comedy about a progressive woman who gets a job turning around a porn magazine. Lots of charismatic actors. I've spent worse 90 minute stretches in front of Tubi.
A very '70s movie that I remember from my childhood as a comedy—c'mon, it has George Burns as God, appearing to John Denver as a man picked to be his modern Moses—and yet, upon review, it has no actual jokes.
It does have Paul Sorvino cast, in a turn that seems unlikely nowadays, as a southern baptist preacher, so if you'd like to see him pay something other than a mafioso, it has that.
Other than Dustin Hoffman's tic-filled, fairly convincing performance as an autistic savant, there's really not as much here as I expected. The constant tics get old fast, and Tom Cruise's performance as his sleazy, materialistic brother gets old almost before it starts, and there isn't much narrative to it. Definitely more of a Tom Cruise movie than a Dustin Hoffman movie.
Cute coming-of-age LGBT comedy about a Christian girl, improbably played by a young Natasha Lyonne, being set to conversion therapy. Some stunt casting, with LGBT icons like Mink Stole and RuPaul cast as conservative parents and teacher.
Pretty cheezy horror anthology film that looks like it was made in the 80s, complete with tediously familiar eurodisco synth soundtrack. Witches, slashers, an obvious Elvira ripoff, etc. Kind of bottom-of-the-barrel. You're not missing anything.
Strangely boring horror anthology series. Well-made, and some of it started off seeming like it was going to be interesting, but, while it wasn't terrible, somehow it had a bit too much shrieking, a few too many guns, and some overly familiar storylines.
Fairly watchable Canadian early 2000s Twilight Zone-type anthology. Lots of recognizable faces & reasonably respectable actors involved (David Paymer, Miguel Ferrera, Mare Winningham, a million more. That sort of caliber.) Quality is uneven but some of the stories are pretty watchable and they occasionally pull off a good ending.
Strangely, hosted in the Rod Serling-type narrator role by Henry Rollins. No effort is made to have him seem anything like Henry Rollins, suggesting what the Twilight Zone intros might have been like if Rod Serling seemed less like he was looking forward to a martini and more like he was thinking about beating the shit out of you.
Take a fairly boring tale of a mother of a missing girl, the man who accidentally killed her, and the girl's ghost all being mildly annoying to each other in a snowy rural woodland, and then make it worse by adding "artsy" blurred camera work, smash cuts between disconnected scenes and what appear to be actor improv sessions, and a dissonant synth soundtrack.
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