Archives: Movie Reviews

This is a weird movie. It's about father searching for his daughter, who got sucked into a cursed children's show, or something. Weird enough to be a little memorable, if not exactly good. The children's show scenes are suitably creepy for sure. Reminded me of "Dave Made A Maze" in how it just assumes this demented world and expects you to just suspend disbelief, if not quite as successfully as "Dave Made A Maze" pulled it off.

It's Hoodman, not Candyman or Bloody Mary, that a young mother believes took her son, rather than him dying in a car crash she can't remember, in this unexciting, paint-by-numbers supernatural thriller with a soundtrack full of conventionally ominous low, metallic drones and skirling violin stabs. Hoodman. Not Candyman.

I kinda would have enjoyed the soundtrack without the movie.

An attempt to move a life-giving alien orb to another planet goes awry. Mostly basically "Alien" but with tougher tough guys, cooler guns, and worse acting.

A derivative James Wan-style supernatural/otherworldly-entity-in-a-house thriller made by someone much less talented than James Wan. A woman who suffers from sleep paralysis has her brother move in following abuse from their father. But then halfway through she calls psychic and says she's been seeing her dead brother. Then she hangs out with him again. Then the psychic shows up and clichéd sub-James-Wan antics ensue. Blech. Nope.

The cadaverously beautiful Georgia Evers in what should have been an overbearingly indie surreal thriller but actually is ok, owing to fairly skilled filmmaking. Pretty visually pretentious flick (lots of saturated colors, black and white, sudden shift to silent movie sequences, etc., much of which is actually cinematically beautiful) about a woman and her daughter and the hallucinatory strange and threatening people the meet around her town. It was ok. I wouldn't go out of my way to see it but it was better than a movie this artsy should have been.

An ok horror movie for about 2/3 of its runtime goes unfortunately far over the top and histrionic for the third act. A pioneer family in a covered wagon takes a wrong turn and gets lost in the woods. Soon another lost traveler stumbles out of the woods, miracles happen like the blind son regains his sight, and they hear a booming sound they assume to be God. It's not. Slightly better for a lot of it than that sounds, mostly because of pretty good acting, but again, unfortunately it doesn't hold up, as their attempts to ratchet up the tension just turn to religious hysteria and screaming and it just, paradoxically, loses all interest. Sometimes filmmakers forget the value of quiet.

Appraiser visits wealthy old man's estate to appraise it and supernatural shit happens ("weird creepy visions and specters from the past" variety.) Meh.

A couple of archeologists and their young daughter move to an abandoned penal camp for boys to search for a buried body, and supernatural shit happens (possession-and-talking-with-creepy-voices variety.) Pretty much slid off my brain immediately after watching it.

This movie opens with a card that says, "This footage was found in a camera that washed up on a beach on Long Island".

And that's all I know, because that's literally all it takes to get me to turn a movie off nowadays.

Middling British suspense flick about a man bringing his new fiancee to meet the kids. The kids are acting strange, mom is nowhere to be seen, eventually things turn violent and although the suspenseful mood is done well not much is explained. In the end it turns out mom is in the cellar, it's implied she's dead, but why? Movie ends without saying.

Reasonably entertaining horror-comedy (a genre I usually don't like) from New Zealand, in which the set of a zombie movie is attacked by real zombies. Sort of over-the-top and hammy, but, it works, it's clear from the get-go that that's what they set out to do. I wouldn't go out of my way to see it, but, it's watchable enough.