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Movie Reviews » watchable

The Hudsucker Proxy

Never mentioned among the best Coen brothers movies, and for a reason. Which is to say, it's merely a very good movie with a few touches of greatness. Set in the 1950s, and highly styled with everybody talking like Edward G. Robinson (including Jennifer Jason Leigh, which is strange at first), Tom Robbins plays a hapless mail room clerk promoted to the CEO of a major corporation in an effort to tank the stock so the board can buy a controlling share.

It plays into some of the cinematic stereotypes the Coens thankfully learned quickly to avoid, and the story is entertaining but not novel in the way so many of their movies are—until the ending, which is vintage Coen Brothers and really kind of redeems everything. But you wait through a long B+ movie waiting for an A- ending.

Sam Raimi shares a writing credit, which makes sense...…

Movie Reviews » Bad but I liked it

The Dead Bodies In Room 223

A man calls a prostitute to a hotel, who overdoses while he's in the shower. Her madam shows up, gets to arguing with him, pulls a knife, and in a minute he's got two bodies in the hotel room. That's the setup.

The rest of the movie? Well, he's got a pimp looking for either the prostitutes or to be paid for them, and two bodies to somehow dispose of.

It's a totally amateurish movie with almost no production values, no cinematography at all, and seemingly no budget, but... no hugely obvious flaws, either. It's a little differenty than most neo-noir pics, as it doesn't really try to have any Hollywood sheen or be "cool", it's just nuts and bolts telling of the story. I liked it for that. It's paced pretty well, too, it never really sags. Probably one of the best c-grade amateur pictures I've ever seen. Not…

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

The Waiting

Here we have something odd. A ghost story but not a horror movie. Not quite a comedy, but far too lighthearted (and innocently goofy) to ever be meant to be taken seriously. Definitely has a certain charm, which it needs to, because that's the only way a story this dumb could ever fly.

A likeable but goofy guy, first seen on a string of comedically terrible dates, gets a job at a hotel which turns out to have a haunted room. The staff has adapted their routine around it and are matter-of-fact about it. Mr Goof has to see it himself, and, after a few scary encounters, bonds emotionally with the ghost and becomes determined to help find the lover who jilted her and caused her to kill herself in the room and bring him back. Eventually things get even sillier and more unbelievable, but... the whole thing is kind…

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

Parallel (2018)

I liked this movie, it's a fun sort of solidly-second-rate sci-fi-ish thriller about a group of wannabe startup kids who find a mirror in a hidden room in their house that allows travel to parallel dimensions. Soon enough they bringing back advanced technology from the parallel dimensions, copying the art they find and presenting it as their own, and soon they're making money, and of course things get complicated.

It's unassuming enough, not great by a longshot, but as it goes along it comes up with enough twists and turns to be entertaining, as long as you can tolerate the predominant douchebag startup personalities.

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

Exquisite Corpse (2010)

I kinda liked this movie. In this modern-day parable of Frankenstein-meets-Hitchcock, a science research student is study reanimating dead mice—requiring hefty doses of chemicals extracted fatally from other living mice—when the woman he loves falls in a lake and drowns. You can imagine what happens next.

Of all the places that could have gone, this handles it pretty well. I'm not sure I'd recommend anyone going out of their way to watch this movie, and it sure takes a while to get going but once it did, I liked it. Some of the violence, while not particularly bloody, is pretty coldly brutal, but I suppose as the scientist gets colder in his pursuit of reanimating the woman he loves, the one or two moments of truly brutal violence sort of fit the character development.

It's a little predictable at points too, and falls back on cliches at odd moments,…

Movie Reviews » watchable

Crawl

Ok nature/animal attack thriller. Kaya Scodelario and her father are trapped in the crawlspace of a house in Florida as particularly ferocious but oddly slow-moving alligators swarm in the rising floodwaters of a Florida hurrican, finding their way into every crevice and attacking everything that moves at the most dramatically opportune moment. Not bad for that.

Some fleeting ok cinematography and occasional well-done action sequences are nice touches. There's a thing with some looters at the convenience store across the street that I liked. Anybody in a movie like this who's first shown stealing an ATM in a flood is obviously going to meet a bad end, but the way they're dispatched is gratifyingly to-the-point.

Movie Reviews » watchable

They Crawl Beneath

Decent enough b-movie monster movie, if you're in the mood for a b-movie monster movie. A mechanic is stuck pinned under a car in a garage while giant poisonous nematodes from below the surface of the earth roam and attack people. Somewhere among the better end of what a movie that could be described by that sentence could be.

Movie Reviews » watchable

The Call

Very decent, tense thriller. Halle Berry is a 911 operater on a live call with a girl who's been abducted and is in the trunk of a car speeding down the highway. Nothing spectacular but good direction make it watchable, if you're in the mood for a law enforcement action thriller.

Unfortunately the third act sacrifices the moderately successful formula, is less "intense pursuit thriller" and more "Silence Of The Lambs"-derivative stalk-the-killer-around-a-darkened-house, victim-gets-delicious-revenge-in-the-end sort of typical Hollywood stuff. Still, you know, it's alright. I think everything I've ever seen Halle Berry in has been alright, so, it fits.

Movie Reviews » watchable

Cold Souls

Moderately entertaining if almost too quirky sci-fi comedy along the lines of, but happily much more restrained than, something like "Being John Malkovich". Paul Giamatti plays himself, so tormented by a gruelling dramatic role that he has his soul scientifically extracted for two weeks so he get play the role. Unfortunately he doesn't realize there is an international trade in extracted souls and his is, er, "misplaced".

The funny thing is he, and other serious actors, like Emily Mortimer, play this absurd idea so straight that it works. They never do reveal exactly what the difference between having a soul and not having a soul is, as everybody who undergoes the process seems to basically still be themselves, although several times people are heard wanting their souls back, and Giamatti is distressed enough to find he can't reclaim his to go through some intrigue trying to get it back.…

Movie Reviews » watchable

Walter

Starts out a cute, quirky-but-not-unbearably-so comedy about a geeky small-town movie theater ticket taker who may or may not be the son of God and have the ability to decide whether people will go to heaven or hell after death. Has a couple of unlikely star cameos, like William H. Macy as his therapist, Justin Kirk plays his usual charater as an earthbound ghost who wants to know his permanent fate, and Neve Campbell, improbably, as Kirk's daughter (I guess he had an active sex life at the age of 4) and Milo Ventimiglia in an amusing and out-of-character turn as a womanizing, fast-talking fellow theater employee.

Entertaining enough until it descends from comedy to sentimentality as the subject turns from his obsession with the concession girl and his responsibilities deciding peoples' ultimate fate into him dealing with his complicated feelings about his father's death. I guess the writers forgot…

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

The Quiet Earth

Kind of an enjoyable New Zealand sci-fi flick which, from 1985, may be the latest example I know of of that slightly campy but good, character-driven 1970s-type movie making. A scientist wakes up to find everyone else in the world gone. He spends half the movie doing what I actually realistically think people would do if they can go unwhere and know nobody will see them: keeping himself entertained in fine style, driving big trucks around, stealing art for fun. Eventually he meets some other people and they just kind of survive and worry about the future. It doesn't sound like much of a plot but, I dunno, it's a pretty good, even if not great, movie. It has a rating of 6.7 in IMDB, which is about right, in my opinion.

I also like that when he meets other people, there's some initial apprehension, but mostly they're happy…

Movie Reviews » watchable

The Harbinger

This was ok. During the pandemic, a woman goes to visit a friend who has been having intense nightmares, and they turn out to be contagious. It gets into some vaguely supernatural and eventually existential ideas as they learn the cause. It ultimately isn't really that rewarding, but, unlike a lot of horror movies, it's underplayed, which works in its favor. Watchable enough if nothing else is on.

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

The Frame

This is an interesting one. It takes so long to get where it's going, but is so passably adequate even before it's gotten there, that by the time it does get there in the third act, it feels like the sudden kick into high gear is a complete (and odd) change in the tone of the movie.

A man and a woman discover they can see and speak to each other through their TVs. The catch: each knows the other as a character in a favorite TV show. For two acts, it unfolds along this premise, with the interwoven stories good for some perfectly enjoyable if not particularly memorable escapism. However, in the third act, they don't just break the fourth wall, they bend it into a moebius strip, and the movie turns from an interesting fantasy/crime drama into straight-up David Lynch territory, as more of the movie is…

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

The Radleys

Pretty decent English modern-vampire-movie-played-almost-as-drama a lá "The Hamiltons". This was pretty decent though. Modern English vampire family deals with internal politics and trying to survive without being found out in a small town. "The Hamiltons" is a little near and dear to my heart to draw a comparison but I think I still like that better as it's a little leaner.

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

Ankle Biters (2021)

I can't believe it. Somebody actually made a "horror comedy" that works watchably well as both.

I have never seen a film that is so charming and so grisly at the same time. The four adorable, precocious young daughters (played by real-life sisters, all seeming about 6 years old) of a smitten mother, revealed in the opening scenes as being involved in a very passionate and very kinky relationship, decide they don't like her fiancee and, on a family trip to a sylvan lakefront cabin, decide to do something about it. And, oh my, they do, as the film takes a hard right turn in the middle from charming comedy thriller into more serious territory.

Unfortunately, a flawed gem, marred primarily by a very lazy and gratuitous ending—and I mean just the last two or three minutes, but, a really disappointing out-of-left field "denouement" that is more of a letdown…

Movie Reviews » watchable

The Beyond (2017)

Sort of bombastic, portentious sci-fi wannabe-"epic" pseudodocumentary about humans exploring a wormhole and having their brains transplanted into artificial bodies and finding new solar systems and such. Moderately ok, I guess.

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

Beyond the Sky

Surprisingly ok sci-fi special effects thriller, after a slow and cliched start. Filmmaker out to debunk UFO abductions gets more than he expected in the American southwest, but it winds up a little better than that sounds. Kinda weirdly alright, after it finally gets going.

Movie Reviews » watchable

Bored Games

Quirky, kind of fun English film about three couples living in a backyard bunker after the apocalypse when things get crazy. It was billed as a "horror comedy", which typically puts me off, but it really wasn't, it was more of a straight comedy with postapocalyptic horror theme, but played entirely for laughs, not like a horror movie that was so bad they called it a comedy in hopes of salvaging it. I've seen less entertaining films.

Movie Reviews » watchable

Misery

This film is pretty good. A lot of Stephen King adaptations are terrible, even ones of good books, but this one about a writer being held captive by a psychotic fan works due to strong casting—James Caan, Kathy Bates, and a couple of other recognizable if not-exactly-tip-of-the-tongue character actors in the supporting cast.

Movie Reviews » watchable

The Domestic

Decent enough African supernatural thriller about a couple who hire the daughter of their deceased housekeeper who makes weird traditional foods and practices whatever the old tribal religion is, and she begins to exert weird control over the household.

Movie Reviews » watchable

Swallowed

Odd movie starts like a horror flick and becomes a neo-noir crime thriller with minor horror elements. Gay couple agree to ferry drugs by swallowing them wrapped in condoms to get them across a border, unaware it's not exactly a drug.... When one ruptures in one guy's stomach due to a punch in the stomach from a homophobe in a bathroom, they much go to the drug kingpin's house in the woods to try and get the rest out.

Not for the squeamish. Some wrigging stuff, and kind of an anal fixation. But it's not bad, if you are up for the horror elements. It's ok. Probably on the low end of adequately watchable.

Movie Reviews » Je nais se quois

The Battery

Hmmmm. HMMMMMMM. Hmmmm. Here we have a seriously flawed gem.

This is a "slice of life" zombie movie. Two ex-ballplayers wander around New England trying to survive after a zombie apocalyse. Like a lot of these sorts of movies, this falls within the long shadow cast by "The Walking Dead" but among those movies it's top of the heap. Had it been an episode of the show, it would have been a cult favorite.

It's probably the most realistic of this sort of movie that I've seen. The characters are basically assholes, totally realistic. The movie follows them around and lingers on prosaic details... very long, several-minute-long shots of just them brushing their teeth, stuff like that. But it works.

It does have a narrative arc of sorts, but as a slice of life, it doesn't really come to the satisfying ending I wanted, which makes it…

Movie Reviews » watchable

Isolation (2005)

Irish monster movie about people trapped on a farm with the monstrous results of a genetic experiment to make cows breed grow. Takes a while to get going but actually pretty watchable for what it is, if you're in the mood for this sort of thing.

Movie Reviews » watchable

6 Souls

Julianne Moore in the sort of supernatural/horror thriller that Julianne Moore occasionally stars in, about a "split personality" case that seems to be manifesting the personalities of dead people. If you're going for an actual horror movie, you don't cast Julianne Moore, but at the same time, she's a pretty good actor, and they usually cast other pretty good actors around here. In this case, the guy who plays the lead, who has to shift believably through maybe 10 different characters over the course of the film. Does pretty well. The whole thing would have been terrible with less of a cast but squeaks barely into "watchable" as it is.

Movie Reviews » watchable

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

Pretty charming action comedy buddy picture starring Nic Cage as a not-entirely-flattering version of himself, sucked into working for the CIA while staying as the houseguest of a rich guy in Spain who may be the head of a crime syndicate, but definitely turns out to be an over-the-top huge Nic Cage fan. Lands somewhere near the high end of the range of what that could possibly be, I enjoyed it.

Movie Reviews » watchable

Meet The Blacks

A pretty amusing entry in the "Purge" movies. A Black family moves to Beverly Hills on purge night, unaware that the father who seems to have struck it rich has left a trail of unpaid bills and pissed off people, every one of whom has decided to settle the score on the "Purge", a night when all laws are suspended for 12 hours. Heavily steeped in Black American culture—funny cameos from Snoop Dogg, Paul Mooney, and Mike Tyson as the vengeful owner of a bouncy castle party rental who's been stiffed on his bill—and almost nonstop rapid-fire riffing make what could have been a pedestrian enterprise amusing enough to sit through.

Movie Reviews » watchable

Last Night On Earth

An alright thriller. A gorgeous couple leaves the city to await the destruction of the earth by an asteroid in a remote Tennessee backwoods campsite. Things get complicated as other gorgeous refugees start to show up.

Movie Reviews » watchable

Trust

A young Liana Liberato punches way above her weight in a heavy but decent family drama about the emotional fallout on her family from her abuse by a predator. Probably better than just watchable if you like that sort of thing.

Movie Reviews » watchable

Awake (2023)

This is a flawed but not bad movie. What starts seeming like a horror movie becomes more of a small-scale postapocalyptic, but not at all scary or supernatural, survival drama.

Residents of a small town find themselves unable to sleep. Slowly people start acting erratically and gradually Things Fall Apart.

So far, so good. But halfway through it switches gears from a horror flick to an ecological message story, as it turns out the local tapwater has become contaminated with methamphetamine, and soon all the bottled water has run out, and people look for where they can congregate where there may be some clean water, leading to struggles.

Despite the weird change halfway through, it's not bad. It's anchored by a couple of alright performances. If it had been consistent in terms of theme and mood, it might have qualified as something even a little memorable. Still, either way, not…

Movie Reviews » watchable

Loop Track

Decently ok Kiwi horror film about a neurotic hiker who falls in with a bunch of other hikers in the remove wilderness and starts making everybody crazy with paranoia about them being followed by a dark shape, accusing other hikers of being killers, clumsily losing people's flashlights, and generally being a good bit past annoying and ruining everybody's trip.

It was entertaining, I found it fairly watchable despite mostly annoying characters and ultimately kinda of a silly third act. It's a little bit different.