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Writing » Topical Writing
About Sexism In The AI Images On This Site
Posted inWriting Posted in genresArtificial IntelligenceTechnosociology

Hey, You Got Your Social Awareness In My AI!: About Sexism In The AI Images On This Site

A number of the AI-generated images on this site contain artistic depictions of nudity, presented in a way that might seem to reasonably suggest some confusion between real artistic or aesthetic value, and what gives some people, perhaps including myself, some level of simple va-va-va-voom visual jollies.

Put simply: there's a lot of images of naked, topless, or scantily-dressed women in some of the image galleries here, but not so many men. Almost none, in fact.

Although it's in several galleries, this is most evident in, say, "Previsions of Johanna", where the many female figures, and only the female figures, all came out either nude, topless, or wearing a low-cut dress, while the male figures are always fully clothed from neck to wrists and ankles. In fact, the lone arguably male figure in that entire set that is wearing a loose tank top, rather than some kind…

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Visual Art » Generative Illustrations » Interesting Leftovers & Bonus Galleries
Previsions of Johanna — preliminary experiments
Posted inImage Gallery Posted in genresAI Generative IllustrationIlluminated LyricsOuttakes

Work-In-Progress Postview: Previsions of Johanna — preliminary experiments

As I worked on my "Revisions Of Johanna" project, I generated a lot of images I really liked, but which didn't fit into the final project. I decided the best of them deserved their own gallery.

This page is a work in progress, I just kind of threw it up to get me started. I have plenty more images to sort through from this, plus I need to pare down these already posted ones to just the most interesting ones. But, still, you can get a good sense of what went on behind the scenes here, and hopefully, an understanding of why I didn't just want these putative rejects to sit unused forever on my hard drive.

One additional note about the content of these images in the context of social awareness: For anyone interested, I addressed some thoughts about sexism and bias in…

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Writing » Topical Writing
Critical Reading of a Flawed Information Source
Posted inWriting Posted in genresMediaPropagandaManipulationPersuasion

Watch Your Intelligence: Critical Reading of a Flawed Information Source

Oct. 7, 2023

I had an interesting talk with my father yesterday. He had a 2-for-1 subscription offer to Mother Jones, and we got into a discussion when I told him I didn't like that magazine. Since then, I've been doing some thinking about how I pick my news sources, something I do very carefully, but have never thought about trying to explain. What I told him was, essentially, that Mother Jones is too biased, I don't feel like I can trust them to give the sides of a story that may not agree with their basic worldview, and I wind up feeling like have to do my own research into anything they say to verify I'm getting something like an accurate picture, and it takes a lot of time that I could be spending just reading better commentary.

Unlike a lot of people, I'm not terribly partisan about my…

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Code & Algorithms » Web
How to make a completely unusable homepage in CSS3 and <strike>jQuery</strike>Javascript
Posted inCode & Algorithms Posted in genresWeb DevelopmentjQuery

Usability Hell: How to make a completely unusable homepage in CSS3 and jQueryJavascript

One of my favorite bits of code I've ever written is on the front page of my jiggy, ancient, perpetually-under-construction, virtually-never-viewed old personal website, Life In A Mikeycosm. Eager to make my front page "pop" a little more back in days gone by, I came up with a clever CSS3/javascript hack that caused the page text and logo to slip and slide in three dimensions in response to your mouse movements, rendering the page somewhere between difficult and totally unusable for actually navigating the content of the site. I've always been inordinately fond of this.

I've embedded it below so you can experience the source of my amusement. Actually, if you click through the above link to the real site, at the bottom left there's a "Stop this crazy thing" link that stops the animation and moves the links into rows so they're readable and clickable. I…

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Code & Algorithms » MacOS & Desktop
Posted inCode & Algorithms Posted in genresJavascriptMacOS & App Customization

Thunderbird Customization: a FiltaQuilla “open mail folder on receiving mail” Javascript Action script

Among the many things the late, lamented Eudora email client spoiled me for was, when I checked my mail, opening all the mailboxes that had received mail in new windows. That way I could click through, looking at each mail window and closing it when I was done, and be sure I had seen all my new mail.

This is a javascript you can paste into the FiltaQuilla addon's "Javascript Action" filter action which brings this behavior to Thunderbird.

Following are the explanatory README, the script code, and license, embedded from my repo on Github at https://github.com/kupietools/filtaquilla-open-mail-folder-on-receiving-mail.

.emgithub-file pre {white-space:normal !important;} .emgithub-file tr, .emgithub-file td, .emgithub-file th, .emgithub-file span {min-width:32px !important;text-align: left !important; margin:2px 4px 0 0 !important;padding:2px !important;line-height:1.5em !important;}

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Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!
Ode to “Ode To A Croaking Man”
Posted inWriting Posted in genresMetadoggerel

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Meta-Poetry!: Ode to “Ode To A Croaking Man”

O! Poem that spoke of a man who croaks,
were you not my own, I would quote you!
I would think that whomever composed you smokes dope,
but I know it ain't so, 'cause I wrote you.

Which poet is it, that constructed you, Ode?
'Twas myself! Though I scant deserve credit.
For a poem's not a poem 'less it stands on its o'en
through my 50 neurotic edits.

And forget let us not, the post-poem note!
Doleful lament upon poem just wrote,
pensively telling of muse that had flo'en.
Though reader, perhaps, was just glad poem was do'en.

NOTE:
The poet wishes it to be kno'en:
It's not his intent to promote or condo'en
the writing of poems about one's other poems.
Do as I say, not as I've do'en.
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Writing » Fun & Humor
Misinformation Visualization
Posted inFun‚ Pranks & Satire Posted in genresGeek StuffObfuscation & Misinformation

Fudging The Facts: Misinformation Visualization

Among my many inconsequential but fondly-remembered ideas was about 10 years ago, when for a brief time, I had a blog called "Misinformation Visualization" (subtitle: "Bringing a world of misinformation to your fingertips"). My goal was to present, with a straight face, the kinds of fallacies and illogic masquerading as science and reason I saw all over the web, and to use the best charts and logical-sounding arguments I could think of to come to ridiculous conclusions.

Like a lot of my best ideas, it was timely, and like many of my ideas of any quality, it almost immediately became more work than the joke was worth, and when the novelty had worn off the next morning, I moved on to other things.

However, I've always been fond of the idea, and wish I had the kind of free time that would have enabled me to give such a silly…

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Code & Algorithms » Web
Posted inCode & Algorithms Posted in genresWeb DevelopmentBrowser Tools

Take The Edge Off Your Web Browsing: WebCooler userscript

If you're like me, you care passionately about certain subjects; the natural flip side of this is being viscerally revulsed by certain things. As a matter of mental hygiene I'm fairly picky as to who and what I let into my world, but unfortunately, on the world wide web, it can be tough to avoid being forced to give some of your mindshare to things that are just plain not productive to pay attention to.

With this in mind, I created a browser userscript I call the "WebCooler". WebCooler sits in your browser, hosted by a free userscript manager plugin like GreaseMonkey or TamperMonkey. You supply it with lists of words and topics you don't care to see, and it cleanly and invisibly removes those matching terms from the web, not by erasing just those words, but by silently and invisibly…

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Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!
Admonishment To A Bad Poet
Posted inI Can't Believe It's Not Poetry! Posted in genresDoggerel

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Poetry!: Admonishment To A Bad Poet

#badpoet, #badpoet tbody, #badpoet tr, #badpoet td {width:auto !important;white-space:nowrap;padding:0 12px !important;border:0 solid rgba(255,255,255,0) !important;background-color:rgba(255,255,255,1) !important}
#badpoet {margin: 0 auto !important;}
Bad
poems
give just cause
to critics who
revel in finding
ways to rag on others' flaws.   When
upon
poorly set,
is personal
whose hearts cherish pride,
and, gorging upon regret, pen
paper's
the offense
to eyes of those
who thrive on defeat,
hunger to impose the sense.   Though this condemnation is
against the vain brutes,
their point's not lost.
Pray you, don't
feed those
maws.
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Code & Algorithms » MacOS & Desktop
Terminal-Notifier Bridge For Thunderbird Email Client
Posted inCode & Algorithms Posted in genresMacOS & App CustomizationShell Scripting

Thunderbird Customization: Terminal-Notifier Bridge For Thunderbird Email Client

Hot off the presses. Direct from my Github, a MacOS BASH script to allow customized per-mailbox notifications in the Mozilla Thunderbird email client. Following is the README containing full information and instructions, and then the code and license, embedded live from my
terminal-notifier-bridge-for-thunderbird repo on GitHub.

.emgithub-file pre {white-space:normal !important;} .emgithub-file tr, .emgithub-file td, .emgithub-file th, .emgithub-file span {min-width:32px !important;text-align: left !important; margin:2px 4px 0 0 !important;padding:2px !important;line-height:1.5em !important;}

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Writing » Topical Writing
Posted inWriting Posted in genresHealth & WelfareLife In A Mikeycosm

Health & Lifestyle: How I Deal With Insomnia

I'm going to flesh this out at some point, but it was lost in a pile of old notes and I wanted it up on the site as a reminder, because it's a conversation I've had a number of times in my life.

I've always been an insomniac. When I was younger, I'd often get to bed at a reasonable hour, only to very frequently wake up three hours later and not be able to get back to sleep. In college I'd often get up in the not-so-small hours and go for walks in the woods and watch the sun come up, then grab a few more hours of sleep.

As an adult, it's been more an issue of never getting to sleep... the brain just never slows down, and suddenly, the sun is up. (See "Day Nights".) The problem then becomes, either I sleep through the…

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Writing » Topical Writing » Mikesplaining—My Answers to Infrequently Asked Questions
A Young Person’s Guide To Common Time Signatures, and what they mean in real life
Posted inWriting Posted in genresMikesplainingMusic Theory

Infrequently Asked Questions: A Young Person’s Guide To Common Time Signatures, and what they mean in real life

I have some time to kill so I thought I would write a brief overview of the concept of time signature in response to some questions that arose recently from non-musicians.

Just a word, this post was originally submitted to a long-ago fan club email list for an older musician, hence many uses of music from the '60s and '70s as examples, most especially The Beatles, who often kept things both simple enough to be clear, but interesting enough to be useful and well-known examples. That's just how it is.

PART 1: A Young Person's Guide To Common Time Signatures, and what they mean in real life

Ok. When you listen to a song, it has a beat. This is what you tap your feet to, or maybe drum your fingers on a desk.

The most common beat in rock and roll might be written something like this. "boom-boom-BOMP-bum, boom-boom-BOMP-bum,…

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Writing » Topical Writing » Mikesplaining—My Answers to Infrequently Asked Questions
IAQs—More Answers to Infrequently Asked Questions
Posted inWriting Posted in genresMikesplaining

Knowledg Is Poweh: IAQs—More Answers to Infrequently Asked Questions

1. What's the difference between a sauce and a condiment? - Susan W., Tallahassee, FL

A condiment enhances the flavor of food and is used sparingly. A sauce adds an additional flavor or richness of its own to the dish, and may be used generously.

2. Is there a name for that special credit where at the end of a bunch of TV or movie credits you get one that's like "and WILLIAM P. DINWIDDIE as LORD HALFANDHALF?" - Jim S., San Francisco, CA

I'm glad you asked that, Jim. Frequently as part of the negotiations involved in taking a part in a TV show or movie, an agent will include a stipulation that the actor gets a certain special credit in the opening credits or, in the case of a movie, on the poster. They may strike a deal for a…

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Writing » Fun & Humor
Anti-Plague Flyer
Posted inFun‚ Pranks & Satire Posted in genresPublic Provocations

Hoax ‘Em If You Got ‘Em: Anti-Plague Flyer

Waaaaay back during the dot-com boom in San Francisco, in my carefree 20s (a much different time of my life than my carefree '50s) I used to put this up around town.

Like most of my best jokes, this was timely, and poked fun at the problems caused by the influx of dot-commers. It was done in the style of an old snake-oil remedy flyer, claiming to advertise a tonic that would solve your various economic and housing difficulties.

Look at the bottom... I was using Yahoo for email! That's how long ago this was.

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Visual Art » "Petit Art": Odds & Ends
Old Sketches And Stuff
Posted inImage Gallery Posted in genresOld StuffSketches

Old Sketches And Stuff

I don't draw as much as I used to, these are a couple of things I salvaged from my ancient other site. I'll add more as I run across them.

 

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Workshop » Works In Progress » Visual Works In Progress
Revisions of Johanna — AI-Assisted lyrical illumination
Posted inImage Gallery Posted in genresWork-In-ProgressAI Generative IllustrationIlluminated Lyrics

Gallery: Revisions of Johanna — AI-Assisted lyrical illumination

I have to be honest. I don't know about this one.

I set out to do another set of AI-assisted lyric illustrations, this time all of one song in its entirety... Bob Dylan's "Visions Of Johanna".

I got a little ways into it, and it was going well, when a few times in a row the generative algorithm overemphasized cats I had added as incidental background elements in the prompt, to interesting effect. So I had the brilliant idea: let's illustrate the whole song with cats. I backtracked and started over again.

It was an instructive lesson, one that didn't turn out as well as I had hoped.

It's just hard to get a lot of variety out of the Stable Diffusion XL algorithm when the main subject is cats. Turns out, visually, cats are really not a very expressive medium. And especially…

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Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!
Posted inI Can't Believe It's Not Poetry! Posted in genresMetadoggerel

The Measure Of A Poet: A Lyrical Explication Upon Substantive Empirical Qualification of Authorial Poesy in Three Lines

What better a measure of man as a poet
Is there, b'sides seeing some poems he's wroet?
If better exists, I sure do not knoet.

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Writing » Fun & Humor
Pearl PCB20 Anarchy Cowbell review
Posted inFun‚ Pranks & Satire Posted in genresOnline Reviews

Amazon Product Review: Pearl PCB20 Anarchy Cowbell review

https://michaelkupietz.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/2623_300.jpgLink: http://www.amazon.com/review/RUISCK9IXTK6J/ref=cm_cr_dp_title?ie=UTF8&ASIN=B000OY5RKA&channel=detail-glance&nodeID=11091801&store=musical-instruments

Rating:Screen Shot 2013-11-05 at 2.09.43 AM

Review Title: Steal This Cowbell!

Review: Submission to domination is enforced not solely, nor even most significantly, through blatant repression, but rather through subtle manipulations worked into the fabric of everyday social relationships. So as an uncompromising nonconformist, I'm very fashion conscious, and as the drummer of a non-hierarchical free musical punk rock collective, I spend a lot of time learning to mimic those popular cowbell-driven rhythms of seminal bands like the DKs, the Germs, FEAR, Flipper, and the like. Unfortunately, most commercially available cowbells that I found are visually bland and ideologically rootless, resulting in rhythms that meekly conformed to hierarchical nation-state control structures.

Once I bought the Pearl PCB20 Anarchy Cowbell, I finally found a solution that solves both these concerns.…

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Visual Art » Generative Illustrations
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Posted inImage Gallery Posted in genresAI Generative IllustrationConfabulated Travelogues

California Deep Dreaming: “Wild California” Studies

While working on a featured image for Field Report: Briefing On My Weekend, I had the idea of extending the theme to make a whole set of illustrations inspired by my travels around California's natural areas. I wound up doing a whole mess of them. These are experimental, but I like the idea and the way the experiments worked came out, so I may follow up on this. There's a lot of them, I'm going to sit with this a while and probably then cut this gallery down to a more manageable size.

Because these sprung from an effort to illustrate a post with twilight fantasy elements, you may encounter some unsettling phantoms or backwoods beasties here and there. Just make sure to keep all your fingers inside your browser windows and you should be ok.

 

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Creative Nonfiction Portfolio
mjqlzumrn15les
Posted inWriting Posted in genresReflectionsThe Beast Within

Reflective Prose: Fascination, And Dangerous Weather

Springtime hits hard in some quarters. I call this 'dangerous weather'—like, you've got to watch out where you're going. You might trip and fall. Somehow this always coincides with the rise of halters and midriff shirts.

Fascination, you know, is a universal feeling. I hesitate to call it an emotion, it's more than that, it's a condition, a thesis. It's strongly rooted in our biology, I think. I'm sure our closest animal relations feel it the same way we do. It's tough to know what's on a housecat's mind most of the time, but when he's gazing at that fish swimming around that bowl, I know exactly where his head is. And it's not "I'm hungry" or "how can I get that?" or "in a moment I shall execute my plan", as you might think. It's not something that rational, like when he wants something—in that case he meows, shuffles…

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Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!
djg87h09uydshm
Posted inI Can't Believe It's Not Poetry! Posted in genresDoggerelPoems About Food

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Poetry!: Ode To A Croaking Man

On a long-ago visit to the hamlet of Acton, MA with my GOAT (that's "Girlfriend Onceupon A Time"—hey, I don't mind if they call me a BOAT), the town was infested with the loudest toads I'd ever heard, so loud I initially took them to be someone hiding outside our window playing a prank. I became enamored of the idea that someone might be prowling the countryside, hiding outside people's windows just to provide this bucolic ambiance. I contemplated this idea for a solid fifteen years until, in a moment of inspiration, this bit of doggerel spontaneously emerged.

Universally condemned among my friends as not especially good, it nonetheless remains one of my personal favorites.

ODE TO A CROAKING MAN

Oh, croaking bloke beneath the moon
so like a toad, it makes me swoon
whence "ChirRUP!" rises like balloon
which euphony just fills me with…

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Writing » Fun & Humor
Report On My Weekend
Posted inFun‚ Pranks & Satire Posted in genresGonzo JournalismConfabulated TraveloguesFun

Local Color—Point Reyes, Marin County: Report On My Weekend

(Sent via email to undisclosed parties)

My god, if I knew how my little weekend of excursions was going to turn out, I would have made it an event and invited you all along. My report:

PT. 1: Cold Wind To Valhalla

On Saturday at 1430 hours I procured a late model red Chevy Cavalier. One of those self-driving models so I would be free to hang out the windows and waggle my tongue at the hoi polloi as I sped past. Although finances dictated that this would not be an extended sojourn into the greater countryside I packed for several days as a precaution. Having grilled Rick and Mike Burstein for information, I decided on a trip into Marin to locate a suitably pastoral swimming hole in which to ease away my troubles. On advice of Rick, I headed for Samuel P. Taylor State Park. Samuel P. Taylor is…

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Writing » Anecdotal Evidence (True Stories) » Short Vignettes & Anecdotes
The Funniest Man In The World
Posted inWriting Posted in genresAnecdotal EvidencePortrait Gallery

These Are The People In My Neighborhood: The Funniest Man In The World

The other night I talked to my old friend Zigmo Parcheesi, the funniest man in the world. He told me he took his toddler son Max to his first movie. "Oh, yeah?" I asked. "What did you choose to scar him with?"

"Porn. We took him see some hardcore pornography. Told him we were going to show him how he was made. 'Not like that.... not like that... not like that... Yes! Like that!... No, no, not like that!... Not like that... not like that...'"

A few years ago, Zigmo moved out to the edge of the woods in northern New Jersey. I asked him, "New Jersey? have you seen the jersey devil yet?"

Without missing a beat, he said, "No, I haven't seen the jersey devil, but I have been to the mall."

Later, before getting off the phone, he told me, "If you ever…

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Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!
20xr9kw2i2qhmz
Posted inI Can't Believe It's Not Poetry! Posted in genresRevenge Poetry

This’ll Show ‘Em: Verse Upon Bank of America Holding My Checks And Angering My Cat

https://michaelkupietz.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/09/tooncessm.gif"These checks will be held for two weeks", they said,
"because they are very large and from New Jersey"

This much is true
But I am now home and
my cat is angry

He looks up through
his sloth with narrowed eyes
He querulously naiows his consternation

Tonight I will sleep the sleep of a good man
but my cat will not know rest.
Burring hair on his back, whiskers fanned
looking out on the rooftops with disdain and contempt
at spots where other cats have sat
outdoor cats
cats with no collars no names
cats that dig through dumpsters clawing towards the smell of day-old filets
skittering perhaps like a word whispered into a wind
on a moonless night in a dark alley
behind the bank that holds my…

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Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!
dcdea589 8ba6 4d7b bfe0 0980a9decfdb
Posted inI Can't Believe It's Not Poetry! Posted in genresDoggerelHeroic Verse

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Poetry!: Ode To A Curl-Up Bug

O! pity the poor maligned curl-up!
Its form, tho' well designed, inspires many to fear!
But many a curl-up has faced
a cruel and untimely fate
'neath some shoe or sneaker well-placed
So it raises its hackles to have some such footwear come near!

Though 'pill bug' it's properly named,
so low on the food chain, one hides behind cautious deceit!
The 'pill bug's kept secret and dear!
Mere 'curl-up' when others are near!
Lest the higher aesthetic, they fear,
of some higher predator find 'pill bug' deliciously sweet!

In the science museum on a visit,
I viewed an exhibit of insects both fearsome and small.
But one creature displayed, I saw not!
"Unworthy of view, or forgot,"
so I thought, 'til chagrined I did spot
In some…

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Writing » Topical Writing
iytlbciupmd599
Posted inWriting Posted in genresMisc. Thoughts & Brainspill

Marginal Thinking Dept.: You Can Quote Me On That—Other Assorted Short Topical Writings

function toggleAll() {isOpen = document.body.querySelector('.entry-content details').hasAttribute('open');document.body.querySelectorAll('.entry-content details').forEach((e) => {(isOpen)?e.removeAttribute('open'):e.setAttribute('open' ,true);});}Toggle all open/closed


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Writing » Fun & Humor
wu6rn5slljuedo!!
Posted inFun‚ Pranks & Satire Posted in genresThe ParanormalInvestigative ReportingPublished Bylines

Instigative Journalism: “Elvis Is Everywhere” (Or At Least In Annandale)

In the Nov. 10, 1988 edition of Bard College school newspaper "The Bardian", for whom I occasionally wrote as a cub reporter, the Campus News section was led by my groundbreaking first full-length investigative feature article, a probe into reports of campus supernatural sightings of the ghost of late king of rock and roll Elvis Presley.

ELVIS IS EVERYWHERE

by Michael Kupietz
Campus News - The Bardian, November 10, 1988

The ghost of Elvis Presley has recently been reported to be wandering the roads and buildings of the main campus of Bard, singing songs and stealing food.

It is speculated that Elvis has been attracted to our campus by the plans to name the trailer campground by Cruger village "Little Graceland", and the individual trailers "Elvis", "Priscilla", and "Lisa Marie".

Several students, security guards and maintenance people have reported seeing…

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private » Programming Hacks Used In This Site
Adding A Default Featured Image Or Thumbnail In WordPress
Posted inCode & Algorithms Posted in genresWordpressPHP

All Thumbs: Adding A Default Featured Image Or Thumbnail In WordPress

What's a featured image in WordPress?

WordPress, the software this site runs on, works by allowing authors to enter web page content (sometimes officially called 'posts', as in a blog post, and which I often colloquially on this site refer to as an 'article') which it then formats nicely to display in web viewers. When you enter a post, it lets you specify a bunch of other information pertaining to it: category, some additional tags, a custom summary to show search engines, etc. Among the things it allows you to specify is a 'featured image', or 'thumbnail', an image representing that post.

You see featured images all over the site: in the backgrounds of individual pages, as tiny squares next to the menu entry for a page in the menus up top, on the "Related Posts" entries at the bottom of a lot of pages, or in…

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Music & Sound » Favorite Equipment & Tools
mosrite picks crop jog smaller
Posted inMusic & Sounds Posted in genresEquipment & Tools Used

Serious Gear Geekery: Mosrite/Bakersfield Guitar Picks

mosrite picks crop jog smaller

I wonder how many of even my guitarist friends will appreciate the above photo. Maybe some of you Seattle musicians, or Ventures fans. I found a set of vintage Mosrite guitar picks on Ebay, which isn't that hard, but, I found a set including the white one, which is ridiculous.

For those not in the know, the Mosrite/Bakersfield (same pick, different branding in different decades) white .74mm guitar pick is the best guitar pick ever made, and extremely difficult to find anymore. Mosrite/Bakersfield picks were kept alive by solitary enthusiasts for 30 years because there was no substitute, selling the tooling to one another and hawking them via mail and to local guitar shops, until, in 1997, Jim Dunlop purchased the brand just to put it out of business.

I was jamming at…

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Creative Nonfiction Portfolio
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Posted inWriting Posted in genresAnecdotal Evidence

Local Color—Yee Haw: Texas

I'll tell you about Texas. Back in '95, me and my friend Haley went down to his Dad's timeshare in Port Aransas, Texas, a little beach resort town about 45 minutes south of Corpus Christi, for a week of sportfishing on the gulf. So, the first night in town, we go out on the town, hit a bunch of bars. We come to this one bar, where they tell us they haven't got their liquor license yet, so, by some strange twist of Texan logic, all drinks cost $2.

So we go and have a drink. And behind the bar, there's this girl, it's not politically correct but I can only describe this girl as a "Texas honey"—pretty, curly blond hair, cowboy hat. And we're there a few minutes, and this older guy starts hassling us, making drunken accusations, saying we're with the liquor board or something, and the only…

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