Originally posted on my blog Sloth And Dignity on 1/16/07 @ 10:43 am.

The other night I talked to my old friend Zigmo Parcheesi, the funniest man in the world. He told me he took his toddler son Max to his first movie. “Oh, yeah?” I asked. “What did you choose to scar him with?”

“Porn. We took him see some hardcore pornography. Told him we were going to show him how he was made. ‘Not like that…. not like that… not like that… Yes! Like that!… No, no, not like that!… Not like that… not like that…'”

A few years ago, Zigmo moved out to the edge of the woods in northern New Jersey. I asked him, “New Jersey? have you seen the jersey devil yet?”

Without missing a beat, he said, “No, I haven’t seen the jersey devil, but I have been to the mall.”

Later, before getting off the phone, he told me, “If you ever come back east, and you want to come visit, we’d love to have you.”

I replied, “That *will* happen. that *will* happen.”

He said, “Not right now though. I just farted.”

Update, 5/31/07

I almost left out the funniest part.

Zigmo had his first son about 2 years ago. When he was talking about naming the kid, he said they picked the first name “Maxwell” very easily. For the middle name they wanted something to honor their fathers, both of whose names start with the letter “J”. So, “Maxwell J. Parcheesi”. They just had to decide what the J would stand for, that would honor their fathers.

Can you guess what they picked? Think about it for a minute. They geekiest among you may get it. The rest won’t.

Starts with ‘J’. Honors their fathers. Get it yet?

Jor-El.

As in, Superman’s father. Jor-El of Krypton. From the comic book. Maxwell Jor-El Parcheesi.

I said, “Jor-El?!?!?!”

Zigmo said, “What? He was very wise.”

“That’s great,” I said, “now all you need to do is make sure the none of his peers ever hear of this between, oh, the ages of 8 and 15.”

“Oh, he’ll have much worse stuff to be embarrassed about at that age than his name,” he said. “Like, his father.”

I asked if they were going to go with the hyphen or if he was going to wuss out. He said his wife originally pushed for no hyphen, spelling it “Jorel”, but Zigmo talked her out of it. Maxwell Jor-El Parcheesi.

You probably have to know Zigmo personally to know how lucky that kid is.

Now, kid #2 is on the way. I’m waiting with bated breath. I’m going to suggest “Clea” if it’s a girl, “Dormammu” if it’s a boy.