Picture this: you get together your funniest friends to make a movie with "Airplane"-style goofy humor. Now picture your funniest friends aren't available, so you get just a bunch of your not-quite-as-funny friends, plus that one weird neighbor from down the street, and they gamely try to save this intentionally ridiculous tale about shrinking a shark down to enter a kid's body to eat a disease, and mostly fail.

Sample dialog:
Soldier (who looks nothing like a soldier, but we're told she's a soldier): "Shark attack at 1 o'clock, sir"
General: "One o'clock? That's a long time from now. Are you psychic?"
Soldier: "No, I mean [pointing] thereabouts."
General: "So why didn't you just say 'thereabouts'?"
Soldier: "It didn't seem soldier-y."

Now picture that dialog being delivered people who just have nothing like the comic timing or sensibility that might have allowed Leslie Nielsen to…

Another zero-budget apparent home movie someone made with their friends. Estranged children come home to inherit their deceased mother's house, some lady says the mother wanted to give the house to her, everybody emotes, meanwhile somehow it's interspersed with scenes of a cheesy dramatization of the same thing. I honestly wasn't interested enough to figure out what was going on.

An unmistakably glam 1975 exploitation outing, like "Rocky Horror" trying to play it straight as a horror film, with none of the fun, ideas, or budget. A glam rocker, apparently played by Eric Burdon trying to play "Alex" from Clockwork Orange, goes on vacation to a mansion where they're performing experiments on humans. 100% exploitation garbage, if you're into that sort of thing.

Notable for being the oldest movie I've ever seen that opens with a "kill" scene (I always wondered when that idea began) and the fakest-looking.

Two men ice fishing on a lake in the midwest pull up a huge fake rubber leech that attaches itself to bad actors' foreheads and causes them to stagger around like zombies and kill people.

So consistently terrible, cheap-looking, and over-the-top, yet so obviously committed to by some of Michigan's worst actors, that I bet it could be a cult favorite among "so bad it's good" fans.

I'm not one of those, though.

Realtors or psychics or somebody lure people to a house so they can be harangued with bad special effects from people with rubbery "demon" appliances stuck to their faces. Bottom-rung garbage.

In this absolute bottom-of-the-barrel waste of time, a puppet turkey that for some reason talks with a fake Brooklyn accent kills what I assume must be the director's friends and family, because they clearly aren't actors.

The kind of movie that you have wonder how it even got made.

Only "Schizopolis" ever got away with substituting mannered weirdness for meaning, but that hasn't stopped a lot of people from trying. This muddled mess of characters with no motivation, depth, or even consistent personality traits features a woman trapped in a world that is changing for no reason ever given, with people behaving in bizarre ways, a wall growing over the horizon and slowly expanding to cover a sky that now, again for no reason ever explained (and which most characters change the subject whenever she points it out), has two moons. A war is declared for no reason, everyone under 32 must report for the draft, and there's hamfisted attempts at some sort of social commentay about blaming the poor for their poverty, or about war, or about news media being government propaganda, or some…

Talk about a serious swing and a miss.

A bunch of women having a bachelorette party in a remote cabin when the fiancee and his friends, who appear to basically be Lynyrd Skynyrd, show up. One of the girls—the slutty one, of course, who bounds to first answer the unexpected knock at the cabin door by saying, "the sexy one never gets killed first"—agrees to take off hunting with them for a few hours in a move so stupid you want to shout at the screen, and once they've got her alone, they turn out not to be such nice guys. And in an admittedly neat twist, it turns on NOT to be a captivity pic with deranged country bumpkins menacing the women, but makes a nice pivot in a different direction. Think "30 Days Of Night", set in the south, and with Lynyrd Skynyrd instead of feral, animalistic…