The Tank
A couple inherits property on the Oregon coast, only to discover that The Creature From The Black Lagoon lives in their well. No, really.
Lantern’s Lane
Local kids go to explore a haunted house in the woods and get picked off by a masked psychopath, except, way slower and more boring than that sounds.
Slotherhouse
one of those movies that's so bad, I don't know how it got made. Obviously intended to be a comedy spoof of horror movies, but avoids tipping its hand by never being funny, just being execrable as if doing that intentionally is enough. A paper-thin caricature of a sorority sister adopts a murderous sloth, which murders the entire sorority, occasionally driving a car or looking up information online to do so.
The Larry Sanders Show [tv series]
Originally aired in the '90s, this might be my favorite comedy series of all time, and close to my favorite TV show of any kind, ever. Garry Shandling is a funny guy,"It's Garry Shandling's Show"was cute and very entertaining, but I think he's generally regarded as a second-stringer of his era behind guys like Seinfeld, and doesn't get the credit he deserves for his excellent writing and work behind the scenes in a lot of things (for instance, ending Judd Apatow's"The 40 Year Old Virgin"with an absurd musical number was Shandling's idea.) The Larry Sanders Show is his crowning achievement, and to me one of television's crowning achievements, full stop. An amazing show-within-a-show focusing on the production of a talk show hosted by a fragile, selfish narcissist (Shandling playing completely against type), his craven and insecure cohost (played in another stellar turn by the doesn't-seem-like-an-actor-who-has-star-turns Jeffrey Tambor), their gregarious but mean-when-drunk veteran TV exec producer played with absolute comic genius by Rip Torn, and a host of other faces who are still around (Janeane Garofalo, Jeremy Piven, Wallace Langham, Mary Lynn Rajskub) as the beleaguered writers and office staff supporting them, plus a bunch of celebrity cameos who are more than happy to play embarrassing versions of themselves (a la"Extras", another great tv-behind-the-scenes series.) I think this show ran for six seasons and was incredibly smart and funny the whole way through. An absolutely must-watch.
Brockmire [tv series]
I always knew Hank Azaria was going to do something I was going to love. I waited and waited and it didn't happen, until"Brockmire". Absolutely a favorite show of mine, following the ups and downs of Azaria as a down-on-his-luck alcoholic baseball announcer. Everyone I've recommended it to has loved it too. Seriously, all you have to do is watch the first episode, and if you don't love it by the end of that first half hour, you can skip it. I actually had one friend call me before the first episode was even over to rave about how much he loved it. It's that good. Trigger warning: It does get a pretty dark in the second season, he hits some pretty low depths. Still, a bona fide gem and I will never understand why you never hear anybody mention right alongside the best shows of all time.
Baskets [tv series]
A somehow undiscovered drama/comedy gem with Zach Galifianakis playing both an emotionally complicated rodeo clown and his straight-laced twin brother, with Louie Anderson playing their mother. This was Zach Galifianakis's moment, and nobody knows about it, and I say that pretty much already generally liking everything else he's done.
Better Things [tv series]
Pamela Adlon out-"Louie"s Louie in this slice-of-life series about three generations of foul-mouthed women trying to get by. A charming, realistic, funny, undiscovered gem. Deserved its five-season run and never got old.
Kick-Ass 2
Fun enough, and probably an amusing watch for fans of the original (which I am), but not really anything special. The first one broke new ground, and this gets bigger and badder in the best tradition of sophomore sequels but doesn't really bring much new to the table beyond that. The sole exception to that is one notable and long stunt sequence, in which teeny-tiny gamine Chloe Grace Moretz takes out a whole van full of bad guys from on top of, alongside, and finally inside it as it speeds down the highway. That was cool.
Funhouse
Torture porn with a ham-fisted social message. A leering, smug, designed-to-be-hatable billionaire fed up with the"Kardashianization of humanity"(yes, they use that phrase in the movie) imprisons a bunch of reality show stars in a house where they must engage in competitions that inevitably end in them torturing or killing each other, while it's all broadcast live over the internet for the world to vote on who gets the axe next, which somehow helps with the Kardashianization because movie. Yawn.
Into The Dark – All That We Destroy
Middling sci-fi drama about a geneticist, discovering her teenage son is a serial killer, cloning and re-cloning his latest victim for him in hopes of keeping him from killing anyone else. Not bad, typical sort of vaguely decent low-budget indie flick, but not worth going out of your way to see, either. Mostly-appealing cast is made up for by the fact that the lead sullen teen serial killer is the least charismatic character to grace my screen in ages. Considering it's an"Into The Dark", sure, ok, better than a lot of those, at least.
The Prototype
Basically,"Threat Level Midnight", with 10% time-travel content added to the end. Cool silver shirts, though.
Atlanta [tv series]
What can I say about Atlanta that hasn't been said? This show started good and only got better. An incredibly well-acted, often poetic, well-written depiction of life of an up-and-coming rapper and his crew. Lots of very realistic, three-dimensional character study, peppered with frequent surrealism and deadpan comedy, unusual takes on race issues not often seen in mainstream media, an absolute refusal to be bound by TV or genre conventions, and occasional usually-successful experimental episodes that depart partially or entirely from the main characters and plot of the series. In my mind, one of the consistently best TV series ever made. When a new season comes out, I actually save this one until I'm ready to sit and take it in.
The Thaw
John Carpenter's The Thing, but with little bugs instead of a big shape-changing monster. No, really, that's it.
Compliance
I like this movie. Well,"like"is a strong word, it's intense and really disturbing but appreciably well-made. Dreama Walker stars in a"based on a true story"very-slow-burn drama, sticking fairly close to the true facts, about a man who called the office of a fast food joint claiming to be law enforcement, and intimidated the manager and several other people into imprisoning, humiliating, and finally sexually abusing an innocent employee for several hours. The entire first two acts of the movie are set mostly in the one room where it happens. It's pretty disturbing and, I thought, admirably well made, considering how tough the subject matter is. Caution: if you research afterwards, as I'm often inclined to, you'll learn that the full story of the actual events is actually a little more disturbing than what was shown in the movie. The whole thing is really upsetting. But the movie is so well made it's hard not to appreciate the filmmaking.
Date Movie
Starts with a five-minute-long fat joke and goes downhill from there. Seemingly aimed at people out there for whom the Farrelly Brothers' movies humor is too subtle. So broad it seems like it's aimed at kids, except the humor is too raunchy for kids, so, god only knows.
All Fun And Games
Funny one. Teenager in Salem, MA finds a cursed knife and a demon leaps from friend to friend killing people, for some reason or other having to do with a curse from colonial times. This isn't even a teen scream, more like a pre-teen scream. It's like I imagine the"Goosebumps"movies are like (there are"Goosebumps"movies, right? I think so.) It's absolutely made for adolescents. But: it's actually kind of scary. It's just directed really well. So: definitely a movie for junior high students. But weirdly scary for one. Kind of reminds me of some of those early 70s tv horror movies like"Bad Ronald"or"Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark", which weren't necessarily the best movies, or even the best horror movies, but they managed to ramp up the disturbing imagery to where they were kind of strangely memorable. This isn't quite that good even, but it's in that direction. (Not to be confused with the execrable"Funny Games".)
Let Her Out
Woman's absorbed-in-utero twin starts to take over. When you've seen as many horror movies as I have, you know the drill.
10.0 Earthquake
For the first half, a totally fun disaster movie in the spirit of '70s disaster movies, as sinkholes in Los Angeles form and seem to almost willfully chase people until they die as ironically as possible. Then, the second half, scientists run around trying to prevent a 10.0 from happening, and I lost interest.
Geostorm
Picture this: An action scifi/thriller in which an advanced satellite is being used to create extreme weather all over the globe, including a cold front in Rio which is shown literally freezing beachgoers solid in their tracks, and which, near the end, shows the Vice President of the United States shooting a rocket launcher at the President. This is *exactly* the movie you're imagining.
Skyline
"Cloverfield", but set in LA, and on the action side of the action/scifi line, in that the characters seem to be there primarily as a justification for seeing things blow up. But, I've seen much worse as action/scifi movies go. The action is thrilling, creature design is fun, the visuals are appropriately awesome, and overall, if you're in the mood for a braindead scifi action flick, you could do much, much worse. Plus a fun cast starring Eric Balfour and his chin, plus that charismatic guy who played the police sergeant in"Dexter"and always wore the little panama hats.
Greyhound
Tom Hanks, whose enduring fame I'm at a loss to understand, as the captain of a WWII battleship, engages in a North Atlantic naval battle against Nazi subs in this actually pretty enjoyable bit of fluff. Basically a straight, he-man war movie lacking any nuance, but, you know, I was in the mood for it. Doesn't go very far over the top, which keeps it watchable. Nazis, heard only over the ship's radio, are portrayed as a suitably sneering and murderous enemy that there's no possible moral ambiguity to rooting for their offscreen (totally underwater, actually) deaths. Just in case anyone hadn't got the memo yet that Nazis are bad.
Loot (series)
Maya Rudolph as a billionaire who, following her divorce, goes to work for one of her charity foundations. A little unusually nuanced... while she predictably gets redemption by learning valuable lessons from the tireless charity volunteers, they also learn from her that it's ok to pamper yourself sometimes. Well-cast and well-acted, though, which elevates this a little bit over standard fare. I kinda like this show.
Gravity
I didn't expect to like this one. Sandra Bullock and George Clooney as gorgeous astronauts stranded in space when their space station is clobbered by space junk, trying to find a way to get back to earth alive. Really spectacular 3D effects throughout keep it visually engaging, and unique and well-made enough to work. I still don't buy the hollywood casting, but, if you imagine it with more realistic unknowns who were better actors and less just charismatic gorgeous people, you'll realize it's actually a pretty good movie.
Edge Of Tomorrow
Surprisingly decent sci-fi thriller. Tom Cruise is a gorgeous soldier fighting an alien invasion of earth who gets caught in essentially Groundhog Day with a lot more gunfire and tough-as-nails army guys. Some trite writing and a bit of a reliance on suspension of disbelief, not the least of which is Emily Blunt as a gorgeous super-soldier, but gritty production, good pacing, and slightly-above-average cgi aliens keep it entertaining.
The Exorcist (series)
Surprisingly, not too bad. Instead of an adaptation, a sequel to the original movie, and done with some decent cinematic horror chops. It's still a TV show, but, it was alright. Season 2 got a little more saccharine and less gritty. I could have probably watched a season 3.
Luck
charming enough animated kids movie about a young woman who finds herself in the world where good luck and bad luck were made. Good-natured without being cloying. It's not brilliant like"Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs", but you know when sometimes you just watch a kids movie because nothing else is on and you need to kill 90s minutes? You can do that with this one.
Emancipation
well, I'm surprised. Will Smith can actually act. I've never seen him play anyone but Will Smith before. He does an entirely convincing job as real-life runaway slave of Haitian descent, convincing French accent and all, in this not-as-heavy-as-it-wants-to-be civil war biopic. The movie itself is the sort of broad-strokes, morally (and visually too, in this case) black-and-white drama that Apple seems to show a lot of. I liked it ok, although, even though despite being socially progressive myself, I tend not to enjoy movies that are primarily about how bad oppression is. Yes, I know, I'm watching TV to get *away* from all that for a moment. I already know the confederate slavedrivers were probably really horrible people; I don't get much from a hollywood recreation spending 2 hours telling me. Still, though, it was an alright watch.
Barricade
middling supernatural captivity flick. Father and children go to visit a secluded cabin where unexplained, increasingly surreal and scary things happen, almost reminiscent of of a backwoods, thankfully much less over-the-top and insulting-to-the-intelligence version of the ludicrous"408". Actually directed well enough that individual scenes are creepy. I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it, but if you need occasionally distracting horror media wallpaper for an hour and a half, eh, it works. Don't try to follow the story, though.
I Am Legend
Has anybody not seen this yet? Reasonably entertaining calculatedly blockbuster-y scifi/action, the latest of many remakes and reinterpretations of one of the most prominently and repeatedly remade sci-fi stories, and the only one that retains the name, if departing completely from many of the key themes and details, of Richard Matheson's original novel (even if it will never replace any of the other adaptations under different names, particularly my favorite Vincent Price vehicle"The Last Man On Earth"and its spiritual descendant, if only extremely indirect remake,"Night Of The Living Dead", in my heart.) Will Smith's likability keeps it watchable, even occasionally rewatchable, despite some over-the-top moments, tough suspensions of disbelief, and fridge logic. The many scenes of an unpopulated and overgrown Manhattan are a treat—and only improved by Wikipedia's recounting of Will Smith saying the Manhattan street closures necessary to do them resulted in"the most middle fingers I've ever gotten in my career"—and the slow development of the action is well done. The rubbery"monsters", slightly less so, but they do serve their purpose. Still, best to wait a very long time after seeing"28 Days Later"before you watch it. (Note: according to Wikipedia, the DVD included an alternate ending that kept superficially closer to Matheson's novel, and also would have provided an explanation for some of what in the final release was fridge logic; it didn't do well with test audiences, who were perhaps unaccustomed to the subtlety of the writing of someone who went on to write The Twilight Zone's"Nightmare At 20,000 Feet"and Star Trek's"The Enemy Within", and was completely rewritten at the last minute. WP also says Ridley Scott was at one point slated to direct—now that's a movie I'd really like to have seen,I look forward to the day I can tell an AI,"Show me 'I Am Legend', but directed by Ridley Scott"—as were Guillermo Del Toro and Michael Bay.) Also, the monsters' guttural screams and grunts were recorded by Faith No More's Mike Patton, adding another entry to the list of things I think Mike Patton overdid. Incidentally there's a pretty decent review focusing on the differences between the several adaptations of"I Am Legend", specifically contrasting this"conservative"one with the themes of the more morally ambiguous original novel, in an academic"Journal of Religion & Film"of all things: .