Short Poppies (TV miniseries)
Rhys Darby, whom I ordinarily like a great deal, does his best Tracey Ullman impression, starring as multiple colorful characters in this mockumentary series about a small New Zealand village.…
Suburgatory (TV series)
Mildly amusing, slightly absurdist single-camera sitcom-leaning dramedy about a divorced dad & daughter from Manhattan settling in a materialistic Westchester suburb. Not bad to fill some time.
All Too Human
A stereotypical atheist-as-imagined-by-Christians wants to kill himself for 90 minutes that feels like 3 hours, while everybody preaches at him that they believe there's an alternative. The corny music and…
Cerebrum (2022)
Sci-fi movie that somehow manages to be both boring and overwrought. Something about a guy recovering from some sort of injury, and his mother is injured or dead, and he…
Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1956)
The classic that originated tropes that have permeated popular culture ever since, and which has been remade or ripped off countless times—and all for good reason. You already know the…
The Birds
My favorite Hitchcock movie. The birds in a small coastal California town begin inexplicably attacking the human populace, and it begins to look like a losing battle. Only Alfred Hitchcock…
Mockingbird Don’t Sing
Decent slightly-better-than-TV-movie-quality dramatization of a 1970 true story about the efforts to teach a girl who'd been imprisoned without human contact until the age of 14 to learn to speak…
Chained
One of the most difficult honorable mentions I've ever given. This is an unflichingingly violent and in substantial ways misogynistic drama dressed up as a lurid horror film. A young…
The Crazies (2010)
Decent enough action/horror B-movie in which a small-town sheriff is caught between a military takeover and a plague of homicidal locals after a plane carrying a bioweapon goes down and…
Call of The Void
A woman rents goes on vacation in a woodsy cabin, only to discover that after an initial friendly meeting, the kids camping next door are starting to act a little…
Recalculating
Four youtube documentarians set out to make an amatueur rip off of "The Blair Witch Project" and fail at even that. This movie contains all the most boring "first-person shooter"…
Death Cipher
Low-budget attempted thriller about a disgraced journalist who got somebody killed by revealing a source uncovers a mysterious online puzzle that causes people to disappear. Starts promising a la "The…
Anger Management (TV Series)
The ultimate contrived, formulaic sitcom. However, it has about the steadiest rhythm of any TV show I've ever seen, the dialogue goes bang-bang-bang, making it perfect background noise.
Five Easy Pieces
Surprisingly unengaging 1970 Jack Nicholson drama about a rough-hewn, misogynistic classical-pianist-turned-oilfield-worker returning home to his family. Not much of a plot. It seems to be considered a classic but I…
Uncle Peckerhead
If this isn't a cult favorite, it really should be. Pitch-black, occasionally very gory, but surprisingly fun indie flick about a down-on-their-luck punk rock band who hire a genial homeless…
The Dark Half
Stephen King adaptation directed by George Romero. Typical dull Stephen King adaption, only less happens. George Romero really should have hung it up after "Dawn Of The Dead", too.
Pearl: An X-Traordinary Origin Story
Having just seen "X" and surprisingly enjoyed it, I checked out this prequel, which finds writer/director Ti West back to his usual unrelatable characters and well-made but uninteresting and stylistically…
X (2022)
Slightly uneven but admirably well-done tribute to 1970s cinematic gore á la "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". Someone knew where they were doing here and really wanted to make a quality…
In The Electric Mist
Matthew McUumellmahaye stars as a Florida fishing charter captain in a neo-noir crime thriller with a sci-fi twist that plays like a modern episode of The Twilight Zone. A little…
A Clockwork Shining: Kubrick’s Odyssey 3
Let me save you the trouble: The Shining was Kubrick trying to send a coded message full of symbols to tell us that the MK Ultra project was being used…
In Search of Darkness: A Journey Into Iconic 80s Horror
A mildly interesting 4-hour-long (!) documentary on 80s horror. Mostly for the kind of people who think "Evil Dead" was a good movie, or that "Toxic Avenger" and "Gremlins" were…
The Stuff
Super-campy, painfully 80s cult "horror" movie, apparently for kids, about a boy who discovers the popular desert everyone is becoming addicted to is alive and taking over. Honestly kind of…
Red Static Rising
An apparent home movie where two girls who clearly aren't actresses walk into an empty house and begin writhing and emoting. I lasted about 15 minutes.
Revival (2024)
Tediously campy horror/sci-fi movie in which two tough-as-nails thieves are abducted by a tough-as-nails mad doctor and subjected to experiements meant to allow travel across the barrier between life and…
The Ruse
New nurse goes to take care of cantankerous old woman in what looks like a mediocre ghost story but turns out to be a mediocre whodunit. Notable only for having…
Something Walks In The Woods
Here's something that's never happened before: a movie so disappointing it made me angry. A man goes to spend the night in the woods after catching a hazy apparition on…
Hoax
A disparate group of people follow a Bigfoot researcher into the wilderness, and eventually find themselves trapped in a tedious captivity/pursuit flick.
3 Tunnels 2 Hell (aka “Serenity Farm”)
Cheapo flick about a man who acts like a bad actor who inherits a farm on an island in Washington populated by other people who act like bad actors (except…
Hesher
Jospeh Gordon-Levitt utterly fails to stop being Joseph Gordon-Levitt and disappear into a role as an uncouth dirtbag type who insinuates himself into the life of a young boy who…