Archives: Movie Reviews

You know, this one wasn't bad. Like, you have some time to kill, you wanna watch a horror movie, there's nothing good on, this one is alright. Young "boy in…

Give it points for originality... the Duplass brothers have managed to put out another unique film. A couple heads to a rural estate for what seems like it's going to…

Ensemble "comedy" (in only the loosest sense of the word) in which a family gathers for an intervention on the belief that a son is smoking crystal meth. Proves that…

Johnny Galecki and Anna Friel, whom I failed to recognize from "Pushing Daisies", in something that qualifies as a horror movie about as much as "Gremlins" does. Better creature FX…

Starts out as a documentary about a complicated performer, and turns into a documentary about the complications of making a documentary about a complicated performer. Good, and the events that…

well-made but incredibly cliched and derivative flim starring Gillian Jacobs and an autistic kid who might as well have been Danny from "The Shining", who is haunted by a mysterious…

Ok, bear with me... Small-town police and citizens in the autralian outback deal with an infection of alien parasites that turn the locals homicidal, in this hybrid of "30 Days…

Surprisingly not terrible thriller about a gorgeous autistic kid who secretly films gorgeous guests in the hotel he works at in order to learn to mimic ordinary social cues, when…

"The Prophecy", or some similar horseshit. Plot, just so I remember not to watch this again, is: God decides to wipe out mankind and sends the heavenly host to wipe…

Ok... college kids in bikinis, weekend waterskiing vacation at the lake, mean redneck locals, sharks. That's all you need to know, except that it distinguishes itself by incorporating the nuttiest…

Invasion Of The Body Snatchers remade yet again, this time as a teen scream movie. I don't mean that facetiously, it really is an explicit Invasion Of The Body Snatchers…

Kyle McLachlan actually turns in a kind of intense performance in the most contrived drama I've ever seen. In a town where everybody is apparently always as big a dick…

Early Chris Pratt and some other goofy handsome guy with a bunch of minor celebrity cameos. Two guys get stuck in a magic porn booth that transports them to an…

Decent enough haunted plane movie. Takes forever to get going. Guy dies mysteriously on a plane, and haunted hell brakes loose. Lots of fridge logic but creepy enough in the…

Chris Pine and Piper Perabo in an alright post-viral-apocalyptic road pic where everybody who's not in hazmat suits is gorgeous, if you like post-viral-apocalyptic road pics or Chris Pine or…

Maybe the stupidest movie I've ever seen. A truly terrible, derivative slasher movie about a gorgeous cam girl staying at a cabin who keeps getting startled by unexpected gorgeous neighbors…

TV-movie-quality throwaway flick about a woman whose daughter gets bit by a rattlesnake out in the desert, and is helped by a strange old woman in a nearby trailer which…

Robot "Mother" raises human "Daughter", the supposed last human, bred to repopulate the world following an unspecified apocalypse, until Hillary Swank stumbles in from outside. I give them credit for…

Fridge logic abounds as a sheepish yuppie gets convinced by a suddenly-reappeared-after-years old friend to spend a weekend at a mysterious self-improvement program in this rip off of "The Game"…

Imagine a supernatural thriller starring Julianne Moore as a psychiatrist, and a single mother with a young daughter, investigating a strange case. This is exactly the movie you're imagining.

A group of teenagers are victimized in an "extreme haunt" amusement. Couldn't sound worse, right? Surprise! This film doesn't aim very high, and thereby it succeeds where few do, by…

WTF is this? It was billed as a horror movie, and 13 minutes into it, we've had he-men with huge biceps and crewcuts running around shooting guns, getting into a…

Paint-by-numbers supernatural thriller about a gorgeous young woman besieged by monstrous forces, this time about sleep paralysis and a demon.

I am really surprised I liked this movie, it has all the hallmarks of things I don't like, being a single-camera handheld exploration of middle-class sexual mores. But, typical of…

What a weird movie. A pretty run-of-the-mill bad horror movie that aims far higher than it reaches, about a gorgeous young woman returning to her mother's island home after receiving…

Two things I can't stand: 1.) unbearably twee, self-consciously "quirky" comedies; and 2.) Tom Arnold being cast as anything other than the one white guy on the Soul Plane. I…

Any horror movie starring Katie Holmes is only going to be so good. This one has very decent creature effects, though. Guy Pearce (who appears to be completely featureless other…