The Battery
Hmmmm. HMMMMMMM. Hmmmm. Here we have a seriously flawed gem. This is a "slice of life" zombie movie. Two ex-ballplayers wander around New England trying to survive after a zombie…
Aquaslash
I knew going into this it was going to be bad—as if a horror movie about someone putting razor blades in a waterslide at an amusement park could be anything…
No Solicitors (aka “No Visitors”)
Eric Roberts leads the cast of this Felissa Rose-produced outing, which should be enough to tell you everything. A family of cannibals traps door-to-door salesmen in their basements, harvests their…
Besetment
Woman takes a job at a rural hotel where the proprietor imprisons and tortures her to make her a wife for her slow son. Actually, for a captivity flick, this…
Get Gone
It's a tale as old as time: a rural family is being ordered off their land by the government and aren't taking kindly to it, and they're all pale mutants…
The Odds
There should be a genre for "two people in a torture room" thriller. Occasionally you see these movies with the same theme: somewhere betwenen two and a handful of people…
Portal
Team of ghosthunters accidentally opens a portal to a demonic presence in the basement at a haunte house. Actually has a couple of elements that stand out: a fairly charismatic…
The Axiom
Funny movie. This film certainly crafts its own mythology, while, unfortunately, not being that good. A group going camping in the woods where a man says they will find one…
Blood River
This southern gothic attempted tale of vampires in a small town is sub-USA-Up-All-Nite level amateur hogwash, the kind of thing you figure someone threw together with a home movie camera…
Devil’s Domain
This is insultingly bad. It's stupid and broad enough that it seems for all the world like a children's movie, with rubber costume demons, the thinnest possible plot, paper-thin overplayed…
Devil Seed
Movie about a possessed girl. You know what a movie about a possessed girl is like at this point. This is that. Again.
All Girls Weekend
This is a bad movie. Let's get that out of the way. First off, this film commits one of my least favorite filmmaking sins: spends half its time on just…
Torture Chamber
I think I might be the only person who thinks this is a good movie. This very Giallo-esque outing is about a severely scarred, burned kid with psychic powers who…
The Believer (2021)
Impossible-to-follow movie about a young couple whose marriage is falling apart as the wife becomes obsessed with demonology. Or she's a demon, or, just hallucinating. Or the husband is hallucinating.…
Salvage (2009)
The army descends on a cul-de-sac in suburban England and warns everybody to stay indoors for what initially seems to be a terrorist attack but turns out to be something…
Exeter (2015)
Slightly above-average "teen scream" flick that I just can't tell if it's supposed to be funny or it's just that over the top. They get into the action quickly as…
Death Trip (2021)
Among the worst of the worst and apparently the glaring exception that proves the rule about Canadian horror movies. Four friends go on a trip to a cabin where, for…
The Retreat (2021)
Captivity/pursuit flick in which gay couples visiting a wooded cabin are stalked and imprisoned by homophobes who kill gay people for the entertainment of thousands of rednecks watching on the…
They Come Knocking
Cabin in the woods. Teenagers. Not particularly scary normal guy in clown makeup trying to talk in a gruff voice. The most perfunctory, paint-by-numbers pursuit/captivity flick ever.
The Final
This bears a disclaimer. If I categorize a film as "je nais se quois", that doesn't necessarily constitute a recommendation that it should be watched. In this case, I absolutely…
Isolation (2005)
Irish monster movie about people trapped on a farm with the monstrous results of a genetic experiment to make cows breed grow. Takes a while to get going but actually…
6 Souls
Julianne Moore in the sort of supernatural/horror thriller that Julianne Moore occasionally stars in, about a "split personality" case that seems to be manifesting the personalities of dead people. If…
First Born
Elisabeth Shue in a movie that is to horror movies what Elisabeth Shue is to actresses. So, basically, a step and a half below a Julianne Moore horror movie. Anyway,…
Stevie (2008)
Gorgeous professional couple adopts a gorgeous child who brings a ghost in tow and standard haunted things happen around their gorgeous home, seen only by the gorgeous child and mother,…
I’ll Play Mother
Low-key English movie that desperately wants to be a thriller, and feels a lot like a thriller, but just isn't thrilling. Couple adopts kids who turn out to be weird…
The Forest Hills
Dreadful indie horror had potential but it's too much of an incoherent mess and worships too much at the altar of bad '80s "Sleepaway Camp"-caliber horror. A man returns to…
Insanitarium
A mad doctor's experiments cause an outbreak of of cannibalism at an insane asylum. It does take a very long while to get going, but once it does, how appealing…
Bodie Bodies Bodies
I have never seen a movie so closely resemble a good movie and yet just bore the living daylights out of me. Very slickly produced, I'll give it that. Kind…
The Sideways Light
This ostensible supernatural thriller has exactly one sentence of the supernatural in it and zero thrills. I wanted to like it because the cast was charismatic but it's just tepid,…