Torture Chamber
I think I might be the only person who thinks this is a good movie. This very Giallo-esque outing is about a severely scarred, burned kid with psychic powers who…
The Believer (2021)
Impossible-to-follow movie about a young couple whose marriage is falling apart as the wife becomes obsessed with demonology. Or she's a demon, or, just hallucinating. Or the husband is hallucinating.…
Salvage (2009)
The army descends on a cul-de-sac in suburban England and warns everybody to stay indoors for what initially seems to be a terrorist attack but turns out to be something…
Exeter (2015)
Slightly above-average "teen scream" flick that I just can't tell if it's supposed to be funny or it's just that over the top. They get into the action quickly as…
Death Trip (2021)
Among the worst of the worst and apparently the glaring exception that proves the rule about Canadian horror movies. Four friends go on a trip to a cabin where, for…
The Retreat (2021)
Captivity/pursuit flick in which gay couples visiting a wooded cabin are stalked and imprisoned by homophobes who kill gay people for the entertainment of thousands of rednecks watching on the…
They Come Knocking
Cabin in the woods. Teenagers. Not particularly scary normal guy in clown makeup trying to talk in a gruff voice. The most perfunctory, paint-by-numbers pursuit/captivity flick ever.
The Final
This bears a disclaimer. If I categorize a film as "je nais se quois", that doesn't necessarily constitute a recommendation that it should be watched. In this case, I absolutely…
Isolation (2005)
Irish monster movie about people trapped on a farm with the monstrous results of a genetic experiment to make cows breed grow. Takes a while to get going but actually…
6 Souls
Julianne Moore in the sort of supernatural/horror thriller that Julianne Moore occasionally stars in, about a "split personality" case that seems to be manifesting the personalities of dead people. If…
First Born
Elisabeth Shue in a movie that is to horror movies what Elisabeth Shue is to actresses. So, basically, a step and a half below a Julianne Moore horror movie. Anyway,…
Stevie (2008)
Gorgeous professional couple adopts a gorgeous child who brings a ghost in tow and standard haunted things happen around their gorgeous home, seen only by the gorgeous child and mother,…
I’ll Play Mother
Low-key English movie that desperately wants to be a thriller, and feels a lot like a thriller, but just isn't thrilling. Couple adopts kids who turn out to be weird…
The Forest Hills
Dreadful indie horror had potential but it's too much of an incoherent mess and worships too much at the altar of bad '80s "Sleepaway Camp"-caliber horror. A man returns to…
Insanitarium
A mad doctor's experiments cause an outbreak of of cannibalism at an insane asylum. It does take a very long while to get going, but once it does, how appealing…
Bodie Bodies Bodies
I have never seen a movie so closely resemble a good movie and yet just bore the living daylights out of me. Very slickly produced, I'll give it that. Kind…
The Sideways Light
This ostensible supernatural thriller has exactly one sentence of the supernatural in it and zero thrills. I wanted to like it because the cast was charismatic but it's just tepid,…
Jack Goes Home
An impossible=to-understand movie in which Another Culkin plays an asshole—you can tell because everybody calls him "asshole"—goes back to his childhood home following the death of his father and Culkins…
Boarding School
Rather disappointing major swing-and-a-miss. Well acted and well made, starts well, has a decent denouement, and just sags terribly throughout otherwise. I sexually confused adolescent is sent by his parents…
We Are What We Are
Well-acted but very slow... er... I don't know what it is. Horror? Drama? This film starring a pre-"Ozark" Julia Garner revolves around a family of religious zealots who slowly turn…
Maya
A bunch of people wandering in the woods have hallucinatory episodes surrounding a strange untalented actress they encounter out there. Seems like someone shot this on home video with a…
Dead Still
A pretty atrocious horror movie that feels like an 80s TV movie except for the cell phones and the way-over-the-top-gore of the death scenes. A photographer inherits his grandfather's large-formate…
Black Daruma
This piece of video—I have a hard time calling it a movie—lowers the low-effort first person shooter "found footage" conceit to a lower depth than I've seen before, by not…
Lazy Susan
Odd little movie about a woman (played for no reason that's ever explained by a man in drag) who is just unlikeable. And that's really it, she just goes around…
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Pretty charming action comedy buddy picture starring Nic Cage as a not-entirely-flattering version of himself, sucked into working for the CIA while staying as the houseguest of a rich guy…
Scarred
Worst of the worst. This appears to be a porn movie, except, despite all the talk about boobs, and women walking around with hyperinflated boobs, and women squishing their boobs,…
Meet The Blacks
A pretty amusing entry in the "Purge" movies. A Black family moves to Beverly Hills on purge night, unaware that the father who seems to have struck it rich has…
Sweatshop
Like Charles Bukoswki made a horror movie. A bunch of punk rockers break into a warehouse or something to throw an underground rave. And have all kinds of sleazy sex…
Live Feed
"Hostel", but set in a sleazy sex club in China. And with more guns and gangsters. And a shitty rave soundtrack. And somebody thought this was a good idea.