Archives: Movie Reviews

Another waste of what I'm assuming is an old Stephen King short story with some ideas that seem like they might have worked in writing, and could have worked with…

Intolerable YouTube star goes to participate in an Escape Room in Russia. I enjoyed this movie way more than I had any reason to. It had so many of the…

Another thoughtful Canadian thriller that starts off looking like it's going to be torture porn but in fact turns out to be low-key and, after some initial grisliness, largely nonviolent,…

effective cinematography and performances save what could have been pretty middling. A norwegian film with voiceovers that manage not to be as distrating as overdubs usually are, in which a…

Victorian-style seance story told exclusively through acting and sets. Dreadfully boring, dreadfully British. Nothing happens at all for the first hour.

Listen, horror movie directors: people wandering around the woods at night getting freaked out by sounds (or, worse, by thinking they hear sounds, which you don't even hear) is A.)…

Give these guys an 'A' for effort in this messy tale centering on two independently sick gorgeous women who meet through a support group for grieving parents. A strong director…

Sub-"USA Up All Nite" D-grade captivity flick in which a gorgeous girl is held by the owner of a rural motel and her son. Pretty much a home movie, with…

Unknowning damned souls board a tourist bus in Holland that strands them by a windmill where the spirit of an ancient miller drags them to hell. 2010's version of the…

Campers find a baby and wind up pursued by psycho rednecks in the woods. But Australian, so with no American over-the-topness, just sick realism, preceded a dreadfully slow 45 minute…

Hardbitten ex-cons out of Quentin Tarantino, the kind of guy Michael Madsen is never quite convincing playing, get stuck in a hotel in backwoods Romania with a bunch of maneating,…

Amusing horror spoof with unbelievably likeable cast: Matthew Gray Gubler, Kat Dennings, Ray Wise, and Mel Gonzales in one movie, even cameos by John Waters and by that funny Mexican…

Technically well-made enough, I suppose, but this is the kind of movie that I hear made Sundance and wonder what the standards really are at that festival. Sunil Mani and…

An interesting setup, as two gorgeous high school girls obsessed with social media fame trap a serial killer in hopes of learning to commit murders so they can cover them…

Surprisingly entertaining spoof retelling of Watergate scandal, based around the supposition that "Deep Throat" was two 15-year-old girls.

It's starting to feel like you can kind of rely on Kevin Hart. Anything he's in is going to be at least reasonably good. This is a fairly forgettable action/adventure…

Pale, hoodie-wearing outcast friend-requests Alicia Debnam-Carey, who I really would have hoped had brighter prospects than this, then kills herself, after which gorgeous teens die one by one for the…

For a shitty, poorly-written, poorly-acted "to-dimensional he-man hunters besieged by rednecks and/or monsters at a cabin in the remote woods" flick, actually, not that bad. It's paced and shot like…

maybe the lowest-budget, worst-lit and worst-recorded film I've ever seen. Looks like a student film... that's high-school student, not film school. How did they get Ice-T and Big Pussy from…

Lance Hendriksen takes his family icefishing, unaware that a "creature from the black lagoon"-type obvious-and-clearly-shown-man-in-a-costume monster lurks below the surface, waiting to kill everyone up to and including Lance Hendriksen,…

Terribly edited movie in which a dead ringer for Prince invites a bunch of gorgeous 20somethings to his mansion to smugly torture them psychologically into killing each other with his…

Pedestrian, entirely forgettable police procedural/haunted house flick as the story of a film crew (natch) filming inside a haunted house was murdered is told in flashbacks as Maria Bello interviews…

Gorgeous single mother wakes up in a remote abandoned medical facility with no memory of how she got there or how she became pregnant. Monsters a la "The Descent" menace…

Three douchebags sneak into a closed state park to go hunting, where they are terrorized and hunted down by what turns out to be a couple of suburban kids who…

Swedish TV series, with English overdubs. The Walking Dead, but with a rain that kills you instead of zombies. Pretty good, actually.

First person shooter. Zero budget, almost a home movie, except for the last 10 minutes, which they apparently spent the whole budget on. Kids running for their lives from people…

Comedy based on real-life armored car heist caper. Zack Galiafinakis, Owen Wilson, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon, Jason Sudeikis, Sharon Jones, Joe Lo Truglio, and many more. With that many big…

[Not to be confused with Amelie] A decent distraction that ends kind of unsatisfyingly by giving too much away. A thriller about a gorgeous babysitter who turns out to be…

Kind of a Merchant-Ivory take on a horror story, supposedly, but by about the two-thirds point, there wasn't any horror, and in fact hardly more than a few minutes worth…

Captivity/pursuit flick. Mother and son pursued through the woods by a silent, murderous Dave Grohl for no reason. I'd run too.