Talk about a serious swing and a miss.

A bunch of women having a bachelorette party in a remote cabin when the fiancee and his friends, who appear to basically be Lynyrd Skynyrd, show up. One of the girls—the slutty one, of course, who bounds to first answer the unexpected knock at the cabin door by saying, “the sexy one never gets killed first”—agrees to take off hunting with them for a few hours in a move so stupid you want to shout at the screen, and once they’ve got her alone, they turn out not to be such nice guys. And in an admittedly neat twist, it turns on NOT to be a captivity pic with deranged country bumpkins menacing the women, but makes a nice pivot in a different direction. Think “30 Days Of Night”, set in the south, and with Lynyrd Skynyrd instead of feral, animalistic vampires.

And I don’t mind giving that spoiler, because, you shouldn’t watch this movie. It was directed by Rob Zombie’s brother, who appears to have also inherited the same gene for creating occasional horror greatness minus an ability to consistently tie it together into a great filem. And in this case, it could have definitely qualified as something a little above the ordinary, maybe almost been a minor classic (in the manner of his brother’s “The Devil’s Rejects”)—but instead, and this is a shame, it falls straight into the “unwatchable trash” category, for 2 reasons.

First, and this is the reason you shouldn’t even watch it: the film is virtually unwatchable because, at least on Tubi, the audio is beyond muffled. Lynyrd Skynyrd mumble, drawl, and mutter through it, the heroines growl, whisper and shriek, and you can’t understand a damn word of any of it.

It’s like watching a movie with a bad case of plugged ears. It sounds like they just didn’t know you’re supposed to mic the actors. I cranked the TV volume all the way up and couldn’t make out a word of it, even as the commercial breaks (this was on Tubi) came through loud and clear. This is the first time I’ve ever needed to turn on the subtitles for an English-language film, and reading the dialogue just makes it hard for me to enjoy a movie.

And the dialogue was so muddy, even some of the sutitles just said, “[garbled speech]”.

Second, it takes almost 40 minutes before the story really starts. It’s much too long. It shouldn’t take 40 minutes for the first big story beat. The first half was MUCH to slow.

After that it would have been alright, if it had been possible to understand a word of it.