Writing

Writing ReflectionsThe Beast Within

Reflective Prose: Fascination, And Dangerous Weather

Springtime hits hard in some quarters. I call this 'dangerous weather'—like, you've got to watch out where you're going. You might trip and fall. Somehow this always coincides with the rise of halters and midriff shirts.

Fascination, you know, is a universal feeling. I hesitate to call it an emotion, it's more than that, it's a condition, a thesis. It's strongly rooted in our biology, I think. I'm sure our closest animal relations feel it the same way we do. It's tough to know what's on a housecat's mind most of the time, but when he's gazing at that fish swimming around that bowl, I know exactly where his head is. And it's not "I'm hungry" or "how can I get that?" or "in a moment I shall execute my plan", as you might think. It's not something that rational, like when he wants something—in that case he meows, shuffles…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 18, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4697 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!

I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry! DoggerelPoems About Food

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Poetry!: Ode To A Croaking Man

On a long-ago visit to the hamlet of Acton, MA with my GOAT (that's "Girlfriend Onceupon A Time"—hey, I don't mind if they call me a BOAT), the town was infested with the loudest toads I'd ever heard, so loud I initially took them to be someone hiding outside our window playing a prank. I became enamored of the idea that someone might be prowling the countryside, hiding outside people's windows just to provide this bucolic ambiance. I contemplated this idea for a solid fifteen years until, in a moment of inspiration, this bit of doggerel spontaneously emerged.

Universally condemned among my friends as not especially good, it nonetheless remains one of my personal favorites.

ODE TO A CROAKING MAN

Oh, croaking bloke beneath the moon
so like a toad, it makes me swoon
whence "ChirRUP!" rises like balloon
which euphony just fills me with…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 17, 2023I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4671 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Fun & Humor

Fun‚ Pranks & Satire Gonzo JournalismConfabulated TraveloguesFun

Local Color—Point Reyes, Marin County: Report On My Weekend

(Sent via email to undisclosed parties)

My god, if I knew how my little weekend of excursions was going to turn out, I would have made it an event and invited you all along. My report:

PT. 1: Cold Wind To Valhalla

On Saturday at 1430 hours I procured a late model red Chevy Cavalier. One of those self-driving models so I would be free to hang out the windows and waggle my tongue at the hoi polloi as I sped past. Although finances dictated that this would not be an extended sojourn into the greater countryside I packed for several days as a precaution. Having grilled Rick and Mike Burstein for information, I decided on a trip into Marin to locate a suitably pastoral swimming hole in which to ease away my troubles. On advice of Rick, I headed for Samuel P. Taylor State Park. Samuel P. Taylor is…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 16, 2023Fun‚ Pranks & Satire| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4415 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Anecdotal Evidence (True Stories) » Short Vignettes & Anecdotes

Writing Anecdotal EvidencePortrait Gallery

These Are The People In My Neighborhood: The Funniest Man In The World

The other night I talked to my old friend Zigmo Parcheesi, the funniest man in the world. He told me he took his toddler son Max to his first movie. "Oh, yeah?" I asked. "What did you choose to scar him with?"

"Porn. We took him see some hardcore pornography. Told him we were going to show him how he was made. 'Not like that.... not like that... not like that... Yes! Like that!... No, no, not like that!... Not like that... not like that...'"

A few years ago, Zigmo moved out to the edge of the woods in northern New Jersey. I asked him, "New Jersey? have you seen the jersey devil yet?"

Without missing a beat, he said, "No, I haven't seen the jersey devil, but I have been to the mall."

Later, before getting off the phone, he told me, "If you ever…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 16, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4374 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!

I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry! Revenge Poetry

This’ll Show ‘Em: Verse Upon Bank of America Holding My Checks And Angering My Cat

"These checks will be held for two weeks", they said,
"because they are very large and from New Jersey"

This much is true
But I am now home and
my cat is angry

He looks up through
his sloth with narrowed eyes
He querulously naiows his consternation

Tonight I will sleep the sleep of a good man
but my cat will not know rest.
Burring hair on his back, whiskers fanned
looking out on the rooftops with disdain and contempt
at spots where other cats have sat
outdoor cats
cats with no collars no names
cats that dig through dumpsters clawing towards the smell of day-old filets
skittering perhaps like a word whispered into a wind
on a moonless night in a dark alley
behind the bank that holds my…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 16, 2023I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4375 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!

I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry! DoggerelHeroic Verse

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Poetry!: Ode To A Curl-Up Bug

O! pity the poor maligned curl-up!
Its form, tho' well designed, inspires many to fear!
But many a curl-up has faced
a cruel and untimely fate
'neath some shoe or sneaker well-placed
So it raises its hackles to have some such footwear come near!

Though 'pill bug' it's properly named,
so low on the food chain, one hides behind cautious deceit!
The 'pill bug's kept secret and dear!
Mere 'curl-up' when others are near!
Lest the higher aesthetic, they fear,
of some higher predator find 'pill bug' deliciously sweet!

In the science museum on a visit,
I viewed an exhibit of insects both fearsome and small.
But one creature displayed, I saw not!
"Unworthy of view, or forgot,"
so I thought, 'til chagrined I did spot
In some…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 14, 2023I Can't Believe It's Not Poetry!| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4367 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Topical Writing

Writing Misc. Thoughts & Brainspill

Marginal Thinking Dept.: You Can Quote Me On That (Other Assorted Short Topical Writings)

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By Mike Kupietz First published September 13, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4348 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Fun & Humor

Fun‚ Pranks & Satire The ParanormalInvestigative ReportingPublished Bylines

Instigative Journalism: “Elvis Is Everywhere” (Or At Least In Annandale)

In the Nov. 10, 1988 edition of Bard College school newspaper "The Bardian", for whom I occasionally wrote as a cub reporter, the Campus News section was led by my groundbreaking first full-length investigative feature article, a probe into reports of campus supernatural sightings of the ghost of late king of rock and roll Elvis Presley.

ELVIS IS EVERYWHERE

by Michael Kupietz
Campus News - The Bardian, November 10, 1988

The ghost of Elvis Presley has recently been reported to be wandering the roads and buildings of the main campus of Bard, singing songs and stealing food.

It is speculated that Elvis has been attracted to our campus by the plans to name the trailer campground by Cruger village "Little Graceland", and the individual trailers "Elvis", "Priscilla", and "Lisa Marie".

Several students, security guards and maintenance people have reported seeing…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 13, 2023Fun‚ Pranks & Satire| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4277 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Creative Nonfiction Portfolio

Writing Anecdotal Evidence

Local Color—Yee Haw: Texas

I'll tell you about Texas. Back in '95, me and my friend Haley went down to his Dad's timeshare in Port Aransas, Texas, a little beach resort town about 45 minutes south of Corpus Christi, for a week of sportfishing on the gulf. So, the first night in town, we go out on the town, hit a bunch of bars. We come to this one bar, where they tell us they haven't got their liquor license yet, so, by some strange twist of Texan logic, all drinks cost $2.

So we go and have a drink. And behind the bar, there's this girl, it's not politically correct but I can only describe this girl as a "Texas honey"—pretty, curly blond hair, cowboy hat. And we're there a few minutes, and this older guy starts hassling us, making drunken accusations, saying we're with the liquor board or something, and the only…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 11, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4186 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Anecdotal Evidence (True Stories) » Local Color: True Stories From Near And Far

Writing Anecdotal Evidence

Local Color—Manhattan: New York Stories, Which I Only Now Realize Are All About Petty Crimes

Originally posted on my old site. I'd have called this "New York After Dark", but the souvlaki guy story happened in the middle of the afternoon.

Back in the '80s & early '90s New York City was much different than it is now. Filthy, violent, and the meat packing district was a not a place you went after dark. I used to jot down my day-to-day experiences there. I truthfully didn't realize, until I collected a few of them together on this page, how, uh, bad it was. (And I'll tell you what, these are the milder stories that are fit for public consumption and won't scare my mom if she reads this site. Take me out for a beer sometime and I'll tell you some real stories.)

Looking out for the homeless

After a night of shooting on a small movie I was doing sound…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 11, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4180 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Creative Nonfiction Portfolio

Writing Anecdotal Evidence

Local Color—Seattle: Irene & Sheri

This was originally posted on my old website, Life In A Mikeycosm.

Before you read this, I should warn you. This story contains one of the grossest things I've ever heard. By the end of the story, things improve and it winds up as one of the funniest things that has ever happened to me... but if you're at all sqeamish, if you're the sort of person who just can't watch some of David Cronenberg's best movies, you really might want to skip this one.

This is all true. I swear to you. This has not been exaggerated or distorted for the sake of a good narrative... no embellishment could supersede the actual events. Although, one change I made is to divide what happened into three acts, for narrative purposes. It didn't happen that way originally, it was just one thing and then another, one long…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 11, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4174 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Creative Nonfiction Portfolio

Writing ReflectionsNocturnal Submissions

Reflective Prose: Day Nights

I gotta do something about them day nights.

I was just walking home from the store, bopping down the street at 11 PM, a time that I grew up believing was a sensible time to be in bed. 1 AM used to be alien terrain, exotic, strange. 2 AM—well, that might as well have been a million o'clock. It was like the furthest frontier. The night might have gone on forever beyond that, for all I knew, ending only when the last human had decided to go to bed before we could all wake up in the daylight again.

Nowadays the small hours of the morning are familiar to me. More than familiar—ordinary, 1 AM no more mysterious than 1 in the afternoon (and probably not as mysterious as 10 AM, a time I haven't seen in many months but that somehow still fails to hold a fascination for me.)…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 11, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4168 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Anecdotal Evidence (True Stories) » Short Vignettes & Anecdotes

Writing Self-Portraits In Prose

Question of the day: When was the first time you noticed someone cheating at something?

A few years back, my friend Al Katkowski was something of a success with his "Question Of The Day" iphone app and subsequent book. This was a question from the book.

Question of the day: When was the first time you noticed someone cheating at something?

Actually, the first person I noticed cheating would be myself. I totally figured it out on my own before ever seeing anyone else do it. I think I got my first inkling when I was 4 and tried to tell my friend Stephen Axeman I was 4 1/2, not 4, because I thought it made me sound grownup. Somehow he knew I wasn't 4 1/2! So when I turned 4 1/2, I told him again, and he said, "Yes, today you are." I never found out how he knew exactly when my half-birthday was, but it was an epiphany that mysterious means…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 11, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4164 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Topical Writing

Writing OpinionsPop Culture Iconoclasm

Whom Rods Destroy: Speak To Me Not Of Picard, Nor Janeway — An Irascible Screed On Star Trek Fandom Fundamentals

Look; I'm a Star Trek fan. Don't talk to me about "Picard" or "Janeway" or "Archer" or whoever. Even the movies barely qualify as "Star Trek", and they have the original cast. I'm not talking about some chick flick where they spend more time talking about feelings than getting into swashbuckling adventures with fearsome aliens on what was supposed to be a routine planetary survey of Gamma Hydra II***. I saw an entire episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" where Picard lives a whole secondary life in which he did nothing but drink cosmopolitans and gossip with Charlotte and Miranda. I bet he's never even once been trapped in a cavern lit by creepy red and purple klieg lights and cloned against his will by a scientist who sacrificed his essential humanity when he transferred his mind into an eternal, physically perfect android body. So why would I want…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 11, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4155 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Life In A Mikeycosm (Thoughts & Reflections)

Writing LifestyleDealing With It AllLife In A Mikeycosm

Temporal Moronomy: The Contents Of The Rest Of The World’s Dream Do Not Concern Me (or, Why I’m Not Turning 40)

I originally wrote this essay shortly before my 40th birthday, after which I posted it on my blog and a number of other places.

December, 2008

For the record, I was born on Dec. 11, 1968. I turned 39 last year, on Dec. 11, 2007. I can't say I thought about it much, at least at first. But a month or two ticked by, and I thought of a number. The number 40. Just as I had thought of the number 40 on December 11th of ten years previous, in 1998, it having arisen unbidden following a brief consideration of the number 30.

Nine years before that I thought about the number 21, 18 three years before that, and five years earlier still, 13.

According to conventions of the religion I was born into, I became a man at 13, amidst much fanfare from my family.…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 11, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4152 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Anecdotal Evidence (True Stories) » Local Color: True Stories From Near And Far

Writing Anecdotal Evidence

Local Color—San Francisco: Tales From The Sidewalks Of San Francisco

An Afternoon At The Races, Unplanned

So, last night I was standing on Mission in South of Market with my phone out, trying to find a nearby hardware store, when off in the distance, maybe a block behind me, I thought I heard a voice yell, "Stop!"

My mind went off into a daydream for a second—what if there's a thief coming my way, and I get to trip him up? But wait—what if the "thief" is actually a victim in danger, being chased by a criminal, and I'd be helping the criminal by stopping him? What should I do? I didn't have time to think more than that, though, because from a half a block away, clearly now, I heard a panicked man's voice: "Stop!"

Now, I had my phone in one hand, which is chained to my belt, and my very heavy briefcase slung over my back, so…

By Mike Kupietz First published September 10, 2023Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=4144 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Creative Nonfiction Portfolio

Writing Memoirs & Reflections

Essay-Length Memoir: Ars Moriendi—Haley’s Epitaph

Disclaimer, 2023

Having come a long way from the days related herein, I thought for a while before reposting this 26-year-old piece of writing, originally posted on my old website.

I think it has merit as a piece of my own writing and as a remembrance of someone I liked and cared about, despite how difficult he sometimes made it. But now that I'm doing things online under my real name, I do have to stop occasionally and think twice about how some of the less conventional anecdotes from my youth might be misinterpreted. I lead a very quiet life nowadays, but when you do business with people, sometimes you find yourself in an unwanted relationship with someone who loves dirt, reasonable or not, and you'll get painted as a bad guy by certain of those people only because they feel it may profit them to do…

Posted by By Mike Kupietz First published September 3, 2023Tags: Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=3881 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Topical Writing » Reviews & Criticism
Posted inWriting Posted in genresReviewsOpinions
Review Compendium: Fragrance Reviews
Unbeknownst to anybody except Dan Sonenberg—in fact, practically unbeknownst to even myself—I occasionally write fragrance reviews. These are those. Some people enjoy them.
Those of you with the nose can find me on Fragrantica.
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Posted by By Mike Kupietz First published August 31, 2023Tags: Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=3528 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Creative Nonfiction Portfolio
Posted inWriting Posted in genresMemoirs & Reflections
Essay-Length Memoir: “The Light Shone On Me”

Foreword:
For some reason, I've always been particularly moved by a sense of loss. It's the sole valuable observation I ever got from a kindly but not particularly effective therapist I saw for a while in my 30s, one of the few deep and profoundly true things about myself I hadn't already excavated on my own in my decades of frequent navel-gazing before that.
I've always written a lot—although I never considered myself a writer, so much as just someone who writes things down a lot—and in my 20s I had started occasionally writing longer essays, when I felt moved to. At a certain point, a few years after writing this one, I believe, I realized the longer pieces that I always felt were the most successful, the ones I had labored in love over and really eventually did manage to express what I had set out to…
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Posted by By Mike Kupietz First published August 21, 2023Tags: Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=3055 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Topical Writing » Reviews & Criticism
Posted inWriting Posted in genresMovie Reviews
Review Compendium: Literally ~~Hundreds of~~ Like A Thousand Capsule Movie Reviews
If you don't want to read the introduction you can skip straight down to the reviews.
Introduction
A number of years ago I started jotting down summaries of movies I've watched, just to keep track of what I'd seen. As the years went by, the list grew, and occasionally (but not often) I was moved to write more, until finally I wound up with hundreds of them, mostly very short summaries but occasionally a little more in-depth for movies I particularly liked or loathed. There's a brief section of favorites and honorable mentions, then below that they're indexed by movie title, click a letter to see the titles starting with that letter.
By the way: this list is extremely heavy, although not exclusive, with horror and science fiction films, because that's what I watch most.
A word about my terminology
As I wrote these reviews just for myself, I…
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Posted by By Mike Kupietz First published August 12, 2023Tags: Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=1956 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Life In A Mikeycosm (Thoughts & Reflections)
Posted inWriting Posted in genresSocial Media Addiction
Social Mediocrity: Kwitter, the one-user social network
I quit Twitter a while back, and sometimes even just glancing at FB consumes a full day, so I have no outlet for my amusing social-media-worthy passing thoughts, except to just think them privately to myself. And that's so 20th century.
So this page is my new one-person social network, "Kwitter", a place to post thoughts, which I call "Kwits". Anyone who is me is invited to register and post.
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Posted by By Mike Kupietz First published August 10, 2023Tags: Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=1385 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Life In A Mikeycosm (Thoughts & Reflections)
Posted inWriting Posted in genresRandom Brain DroppingsFun
Even In The Quietest Moments: Shower thoughts
Idea for a movie: A time traveling refugee from the 1990s is stuck in another era and must try to blend in, but is found out when it is discovered he knows how to correctly pronounce the names Shania, Tyra, and Demi.
Geezer Butler, bassist for the band Black Sabbath, came up with the idea for heavy metal music when the band drove past a movie theater showing a horror film, and there was a ticket line up the block. He thought to himself that if people like so much to be scared, what if he wrote music that was like a horror movie?
So, I wonder... what would the world be like today if the band had taken a different route, and driven past an X-rated theater instead?
What shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, but must use Wordpress to do it?
Ice…
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Posted by By Mike Kupietz First published August 5, 2023Tags: Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=771 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

Writing » Topical Writing
Posted inWriting Posted in genresPoliticsAxe-Grinding
Ideology In Brief: “Are you free?”, and Other Ideological Musings
Let's talk about sex! No, wait, let's talk about something even more taboo!
These are some samples of political, ideological, or economic thoughts I've jotted down. I don't consider myself an authority on these things, for sure, I just like to think things through, and as I like to say, for me these kinds of writings are intended to open a conversation, not to be the final word.
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Posted by By Mike Kupietz First published August 4, 2023Tags: Writing| Permanent URL: https://michaelkupietz.com?p=769 | Share this | Embed link | Webmentions are: on

MICHAEL KUPIETZ| ARTS+CODE

Creative Productions, Arrangements, and Operations • Art, Technology, and Amusements

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Latest "Writing" files

Reflective Prose: Fascination, And Dangerous Weather

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Poetry!: Ode To A Croaking Man

Local Color—Point Reyes, Marin County: Report On My Weekend

These Are The People In My Neighborhood: The Funniest Man In The World

This’ll Show ‘Em: Verse Upon Bank of America Holding My Checks And Angering My Cat

I Can’t Believe It’s Not Poetry!: Ode To A Curl-Up Bug

Marginal Thinking Dept.: You Can Quote Me On That (Other Assorted Short Topical Writings)

Instigative Journalism: “Elvis Is Everywhere” (Or At Least In Annandale)

Local Color—Yee Haw: Texas

Local Color—Manhattan: New York Stories, Which I Only Now Realize Are All About Petty Crimes

Local Color—Seattle: Irene & Sheri

Reflective Prose: Day Nights

Question of the day: When was the first time you noticed someone cheating at something?

Whom Rods Destroy: Speak To Me Not Of Picard, Nor Janeway — An Irascible Screed On Star Trek Fandom Fundamentals

Temporal Moronomy: The Contents Of The Rest Of The World’s Dream Do Not Concern Me (or, Why I’m Not Turning 40)

Local Color—San Francisco: Tales From The Sidewalks Of San Francisco

Essay-Length Memoir: Ars Moriendi—Haley’s Epitaph

Review Compendium: Fragrance Reviews

Essay-Length Memoir: “The Light Shone On Me”

Review Compendium: Literally Hundreds of Like A Thousand Capsule Movie Reviews

Even In The Quietest Moments: Shower thoughts

Ideology In Brief: “Are you free?”, and Other Ideological Musings

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