(Satire, people. This is satire. I actually had someone not get that.)
If there’s one thing I’m opposed to, which I think represents a very wrongheaded tendency in our society, it’s this: traffic lights.
First off, just on basic principles: this nation was founded on an ideal of freedom, and yet somehow, we got to the point where the government is telling me when I can stop or go?!?
But it’s not just the principle, I’m not just an ideologue: my real concern is because it’s a very practical issue. The ill effects of traffic lights are a prime example of how the unintended consequences of well-intentioned overregulation can result in broad negative effects for everybody they’re supposed to be helping.
Traffic patterns should be determined by free competition between the traffic participants, so nothing stands in the way of the best drivers getting where they need to go.
This is entirely for practical reasons: forcing the best drivers to stay back creates more congestion, whereas letting them go forward at their leisure will create more fluidity, as they move ahead unimpeded, leaving greater roadway space and less congestion behind them. This in turn enables slower drivers to get where they’re going more easily too. In this way, getting regulation out of the way of the best drivers has trickle-down effects that benefit every driver.
So get government out of it, and let the traffic participants just sort it out by their local conditions and the fair and free natural rules of the road… government shouldn’t be standing in the way of American mobility, that just hurts everybody, even if it is with the best of intentions. We need to lift the guardrails so everybody can receive the benefits of free mobility.
And besides, if the best drivers can get where they’re going quicker, then they’ll have more free time, which they can then use to give people who are slower drivers a lift. By encumbering them with needless and burdensome stops every few blocks, we prevent them from being able to do that. A faster current speeds all boats.
While we’re at it, what’s with this “9 AM”, “10 AM”, “11 AM”, “Monday”, “Tuesday”, “Wednesday” thing? Now government is going to tell ME what to CALL my TIME?!?
(Note: a later spirited discussion of these issues with a friend resulted in him pointing out that studies have shown the safest speed to be going is 5% faster than the average flow of traffic. Which is funny because that means by definition, over half the people in any traffic flow are by definition unable to go the safest speed. Accidents are built into the system.
This sparked the realization that there’s another hidden benefit to being the driver going slightly faster than average, which is that it most efficiently puts certain odds on your side: it’s the minimum increase in kinetic energy vs maximum increase in odds that you are the one deploying an oil slick to trip up the drivers behind you vs someone in front of you deploying an oil slick and tripping you up. )