Commencing herewith are the understandings and conditions (hereinafter referred to as the “Terms Of Use”) to which you must agree to be permitted to access, view, or use michaelkupietz.com’s technology, data, resources, contents, privately-owned intellectual property, visual pages, electronic files, and RSS or other author-published data feeds (all hereinafter referred to collectively as the “Site”.) You must immediately close and and terminate whatever means you are using to view or access the Site if you do not agree with the Terms Of Use in full.

The below interstitial numbered section titles in blue text are intended only for amusement and to facilitate easier reading, and are to be taken merely as visual page decoration and not as part of the semantic contents of the Terms Of Use.

1. It’s all lies

Anything that is part of the Site, now or in the future, whether included by accident or design, is strictly and without exception meant as entertainment only, and is included in the Site entirely without prejudice. No warrantee is expressed nor implied.

The Site is solely intended for entertainment. No part of the Site should be construed as truthful, or as signifying, implying, or meaning anything at all other than the singular fact that author(s), creator(s), owner(s), and/or administator(s) of the Site (hereafter referred to as “Michael”) at some point found it momentarily entertaining to add that particular content onto the Site. Any content’s presence on the Site does not mean that said content is in any way true, nor that Michael believes it to be true, nor that Michael believed it to be true either at the time Michael created or posted it or at any other time in the past, nor that Michael wants or intends for anyone else to believe that it is true or that it ever has been true. No part of the Site means or implies anything that it does not explicitly and unmistakably clearly contain within its concrete visible and immediately-apparent textual or media content. Nor, necessarily, does any part of the Site actually mean or imply anything that it does explicitly or clearly say, either. Colloquially put: it’s all just BS.

2. Nothing is my fault. Everything is your fault.

Michael universally disclaim(s) any responsibility for anything resulting from or consequent to your access or use of the Site. The Site doesn’t do anything, it just passively sits here entirely contained within a browser window, for no reason other than to entertain Michael and perhaps by chance also you. Therefore, you agree that anything that occurs or appears to occur either directly or indirectly resulting from or consequent to your viewing the Site and knowing its contents is solely and entirely your own fault and your own responsibility, and nobody’s fault or responsibility besides yours.

3. This Bar For Humans Only

3a.) You agree that, outside of the sole exception permitted in (3b) following, you are an individual living mortal human browsing the Site to directly view its content yourself, by way of the manual use of non-automated software or hardware designed for the primary purpose of direct and immediate human consumption of web media, and further agree that you are doing so solely for purposes of your own momentary entertainment, and no other purpose. Access or retrieval of any part of the Site or its contents through any automated or algorithmic means, or for any business purpose or other purpose other than momentary entertainment, by any means, or with the intent to archive or copy any part of the Site, is expressly forbidden. No other use of the Site’s contents, whether or not mentioned in these Terms of Use, nor any access or use of the Site by any partially or entirely automated processes, nor any access or use of the Site for business purposes, nor copying or archiving or storing of any part of the Site, nor any use of the site with the intent to violate any part of this Terms of Use, is allowed, except by express prior written permission from Michael. In the event of any ambiguity or dispute over the meaning of any part of any such written permission from Michael, the least permissive interpretation shall be held as the correct meaning.
3b.) The sole permitted exception to preceding section (3a) is access by automated web crawlers or “spiders”, where the sole purpose of those automated crawlers is to index visible and publicly available Site content for purposes of later providing a summary and hypertext link back to the Site in response only to directly relevant human, non-automated end-user search queries manually submitted to a publicly-accessible web search engine or internet directory, where such web crawler and search engine or internet directory is operated by an organization whose primary business model is providing such an internet search utility or directory to the general public.

4. My words mean just what I choose them to mean

You agree that in the event of any disagreement, question, dispute, or ambiguity, Michael’s stated interpretation at any given moment of any part of the Terms Of Use shall be held to be the definitive, deciding, overriding, and incontrovertible meaning of that part, without exception. You agree that Michael’s stated interpretation at any given moment supersedes any other interpretation provided by Michael at any other moment, or any interpretation provided by anyone other than Michael at any time.

5. You-know-who can go screw themselves

Any any person or member of any entity who within a period of the prior thirty-six (36) months has been an employee of, contracted with or for, or been in any business relationship with any professional consulting client of Michael’s, where such client is currently not in full good account standing with Michael or is in violation any term of any contract governing their relationship with Michael, is forbidden from accessing or using the Site or its contents in any way, except under the following six conditions: (i) Any such person viewing the site has received prior direct written invitation to access the site from Michael, which was extended directly and individually to that person; and (ii) they agree not to access or view any part of the Site other than either (a) those pages or content which have been constructively and explicitly enumerated by Michael in that prior written invitation as permissible for them to access or visit, or (b) this Terms Of Use page; and (iii) they accept and agree before viewing or accessing the Site to be bound by any further requirements or conditions specified in that invitation, upon which the permission given in the invitation is predicated, whether that predication is specified explicitly or not; and (iv) they accept and agree that any permission or invitation from Michael to view or access any content of the Site, and any conditions accompanying accompanying that invitation, are revocable or modifiable at Michael’s sole discretion at any time, and that any such revocation or modification by Michaael is completely and immediately binding, and that any dispute or ambiguity in any part of any such communication or permission from Michael shall be settled decisively and solely by Michael’s interpretation in the same manner described for disputes or ambiguities in this Terms of Use as specified in part (4) above; and (v) they agree not to archive or copy any part of the Site for any reason.

6. And the horse you rode in on

Any lawyer viewing any of the content of the Site with aspirations of digging up dirt you can use to slander Michael in service to the malicious, deceitful, illegal, and/or unethical goals of your client, or for purposes in any way contrary to Michael’s best interests, or for purposes in the best interest of anyone seeking to violate or in any other way negatively impact Michael’s best interests, hereby agrees (i) to as soon as reasonably possible take a good, long look in a mirror until he or she figures out the real big-picture costs of his or her life choices; and, (ii) that he or she is a despicable human being by the standards of any reasonable person.

7. Severability clause

Any part, provision, or representation presented on this page which is prohibited or illegal, or which is held to be void or unenforceable, shall be ineffective to the extent of such prohibition or unenforceability, without invalidating or in any way affecting any other remaining part, term, requirement, or provision hereof.

8. Robust, Mellow, Satisfying. You’ll agree.

By your choice to access and use the Site, you indicate your full and unqualified understanding of, agreement to, acceptance of, and love for the terms on this page, and agree to be legally bound by them, including both the full terms stated in this page at present, and any and all as-yet-unknown future superseding revisions or additions to them, without qualification or limitation.

9. My house, my rules.

You do not have permission to use or access the Site unless you fully understand and fully agree to all these Terms of Use. If you do not fully understand and fully agree to the entirety of the Terms of Use, you must immediately take whatever steps are necessary to immediately cease accessing or viewing the Site.