Amazon Product Review: Pearl PCB20 Anarchy Cowbell

Amazon Product Review: Pearl PCB20 Anarchy Cowbell

Rating:Screen Shot 2013-11-05 at 2.09.43 AM

Review Title: Steal This Cowbell!

Review: Submission to domination is enforced not solely, nor even most significantly, through blatant repression, but rather through subtle manipulations worked into the fabric of everyday social relationships. So as an uncompromising nonconformist, I’m very fashion conscious, and as the drummer of a non-hierarchical free musical punk rock collective, I spend a lot of time learning to mimic those popular cowbell-driven rhythms of seminal bands like the DKs, the Germs, FEAR, Flipper, and the like. Unfortunately, most commercially available cowbells that I found are visually bland and ideologically rootless, resulting in rhythms that meekly conformed to hierarchical nation-state control structures.

Once I bought the Pearl PCB20 Anarchy Cowbell, I finally found a solution that solves both these concerns. My Pearl PCB20 Anarchy Cowbell spits in the face of other bourgeois, cookie-cutter cowbells with a punk attitude and radical appearance that screams “insurrection!” and has the technocrat elites dropping a deuce all over their Berluti loafers every single time I stick it on the 1 and 3. This radically individualist cowbell flips the bird to the dominant paradigm, thanks to its menacing spikes and the red circle-A sticker that lets everyone know I support a large-scale uprising of the exploited to destroy the state, capital and every institution of power and privilege.

This cowbell is a pipe bomb! The system doesn’t stand a chance — buy the Pearl PCB20 Anarchy Cowbell, and then we’ll see whose back is up against the wall.

The five stars are a lie, Amazon’s jackbooted web form forced me to pick a rating to submit this. My rating is no stars, because I don’t buy into your slack-jawed suburban competitive ethos.