In the Nov. 10, 1988 edition of Bard College school newspaper “The Bardian”, for whom I occasionally wrote as a cub reporter, the Campus News section was led by my groundbreaking first full-length investigative feature article, a probe into reports of campus supernatural sightings of the ghost of late king of rock and roll Elvis Presley.

ELVIS IS EVERYWHERE

by Michael Kupietz
Campus News – The Bardian, November 10, 1988

The ghost of Elvis Presley has recently been reported to be wandering the roads and buildings of the main campus of Bard, singing songs and stealing food.

It is speculated that Elvis has been attracted to our campus by the plans to name the trailer campground by Cruger village “Little Graceland”, and the individual trailers “Elvis”, “Priscilla”, and “Lisa Marie”.

Several students, security guards and maintenance people have reported seeing and hearing “The King” late at night in the vicinity of Annandale Road and Kline Commons. After the most recent wave of sightings, even many people with an avowed disbelief in the supernatural have been forced to concede that there has been “a mysterious Elvisness” in the air lately. According to Kline worker Seth. (sic) Fowle: “Elvis is here! He sings to us every night.” Added another worker, “Shit happens, man.”

Initial investigations were hampered by a reluctance on the part of those involved in the sightings to discuss what they had experienced. When approached, Junior Michele Thomas, who has been responsible for closing the library at 2 a.m., said “I’ve never seen any ghosts, and not Elvis Presley either!” When pressed, she and Junior Suzin Hagar confided that they have indeed “heard strains of ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ floating through the night air” after closing and locking the library door.

Other students were more guarded about revealing their experiences. One such person is freshman Andrew Arnold, who adamantly stated, “I have never seen anything of the kind.”

However, further probing among the student body revealed that anecdotes about supernatural Elvis-related encounters abound, and have been on the rise over the last several weeks. Said Freshman Dan Sonenberg: “I was playing guitar in my room the other day, and suddenly I found myself playing ‘Don’t Be Cruel,’ which I never knew before… I think was possessed by the spirit of Elvis for a few minutes.” Added Freshman Chris Ludlow, “I saw Elvis, man, on Annandale Road at about 2:48 in the morning.”

Elvis sightings have by no means been confined to students. According to Donald Bennett, manager of Kline Commons, Elvis was sighted standing by the paranoids on Tuesday, October 25 at about 12:20 a.m., just as the Commons was closing, hanging out with two others tentatively identified as Sarah Zabriskie and “Michael,” an elusive entity well-known to the residents of Ward Manor. Kline Commons has been reported to have obtained a guard dog known as “Ghostbuster Dog,” and a worker who did not wish to be identified explained how the dog warns of Elvis’ approach: “One bark mean he’s gotta piss, two barks means he’s gotta shit, three barks means get the hell out of there.” The worker stated that he has never actually seen Elvis, because he has always wisely heeded the dog’s warnings and left before any supernatural rock stars actually materialized. However, reliable sources have reported sighting Elvis in the coffee shop at 2:30 in the morning, stealing eggs and bacon.

The faculty and staff as a whole proved to be much more reluctant to discuss the Elvis sightings. A security officer had no comment. An employee who wished to remain nameless revealed that a direct order had been handed down to all Buildings & Grounds workers, forbidding them to discuss Elvis at risk of losing their jobs. Apparently, since the rumors began, B&G had a deluge of job applications from young men and women hoping to work the night shift and perhaps catch a glimpse of The King during one of his late-night coffee shop raids.

Even among the student body, there is some skepticism.

A student who wished only to be identified as C. revealed what he believed to be the true scenario behind the wave of Elvis sightings. “This is simply the proselytizing of that maniacal Elvis cult that congregates in the President’s Room of the Commons for its cabalistic rituals.

“I hear them preaching from the tables, trying to convert us over to that corruption of faith. Leon [Botstein] preserve us.” ‘Asked what evidence he had to support these allegations he replied that he “did see three freshmen running through the halls of Tewksbury, waving battered Elvis albums like religious icons.”

Such skepticism does not stand well in the face of several harder-to-explain supernatural occurrences. “I saw Elvis last Thursday at Grand Union,” said sophomore Shawn Baker. “He was paying the rent for some lady. I didn’t confront him, but I knew it was him because he was grinding his pelvis.”

The pelvis grind, one of Elvis’s most identifiable features, seems to play a large part in many of the sightings. Sophomore Jennifer Poitris stated that she and her friend were relaxing over some drinks when Elvis appeared “and started singing ‘Love Me The Tender’ to me and my friend. We laughed and drank our Gin Fizzes.” And, yes, “He did his Elvis Pelvis.”

Elvis’ appearances seem to have increased with the coming of Halloween. Among the more chilling anecdotes is this tale, as related by student Tom Leonard:

“I was walking by the chapel late Halloween night I suddenly heard the song ‘Crying in the Chapel’ coming from within, and the sound of sobbing. No musical accompaniment, just singing. I’ll never forget it. I went into the chapel, and it was coming from downstairs. It sounded like it might have been coming from behind that locked door in the basement, but when I turned on the light, it just stopped.”

Economics professor Dick Wiles has formulated a controversial theory about why the sightings seemed to occur near or on Halloween. He speculates that the naming of the trailer park has nothing to do with The King’s visitations, and that the timing of the sightings with the naming plans is purely coincidental. States Wiles: “I think it’s Michael in his Halloween disguise.”

Doug Wayland, alleged president of the Bard College Elvis Presley Fan Club, maintains a skeptical optimism. “None of these stories have been confirmed. I think it would be interesting if he did show up, but no one has come to me with any proof.” Wayland stated that the process of officially naming the trailers, first proposed by fan club members, was well underway, and that the signs had already been ordered. He hypothesized that Elvis’s shade might also have been attracted by the presence of the fan club here on campus. He stated that he has not yet seen a manifestation of the King personally: “I’ve sort of been keeping an eye out.” Wayland did not comment on the allegations of cabalistic rituals at club meetings.

Daphne Gottleib, chairperson of the Entertainment committee, discussed the possibility of having the deceased singer’s ghost perform on campus, but is cautious about raising hopes: “Elvis wants too much money. We’ve tried to talk him down, but he’s very booked up with his appearances for the tabloids. We’d love to have him.”

Administration response to the presence of The King on campus has been varied. According to Chuck Simmons, director of B & G, he knew nothing of plans to name the trailers, and added that he believes that they will even be removed by spring semester. Told of the ghostly appearances, he simply stated, “Oh my God.”

Dean Stuart Levine expressed a cautious interest in Elvis’s nocturnal visitations. Said Levine: “I would hope that if the ghost of Elvis has chosen to occupy or be on Annandale road, he would choose a time when a greater number of students would sight him—2 or 3 o’clock in the morning seems nonsensical to me. Midday would be more interesting.”

Asked if the administration had any specific viewpoint on The King’s presence on campus, Levine stated: “We don’t have any existing policy on the visitation of ghosts on campus, but a guest pass would be in order. I assume the ghost knows that to get a guest pass you would go to security. A public appearance might also be in order, if he wants to stick around, perhaps in the main dining room at dinner.”

Levine commented on a story he read in a periodical while waiting on line at Grand Union several weeks ago, in which it was reported that Elvis might actually be alive. “It could be that we don’t have a ghost here, but we really have Elvis,” he speculates.

College President Leon Botstein flatly refuses to acknowledge the presence of Elvis on campus, deceased or otherwise, additionally stating that “I wouldn’t even recognize him if I saw him.” Botstein is openly cynical about the possibility of any supernatural entities visiting or residing on the Bard grounds. Said Botstein, “I admire the imagination of those who see it, and hope that the inspiration is from an honest experience, and that those involved derive enjoyment from it.”